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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To date my friends ex?

17 replies

LunaetSol · 27/11/2022 19:39

Looooong story short ish - I had a lifelong friend and until recently, 2 ish years ago, we fell out and stopped talking (don't wanna get into it much but she was acting really disrespectfully to me and became a toxic person in my life)

About 7 years ago she dated a guy for about 3-4 years, they lived together but she cheated multiple times and it wasn't a very good relationship, but him and I remained friends because we got on so well, which she always maintained she was fine with.

A couple of months ago he confessed that he's always had a thing for me and would I ever consider going on a romantic date with him, and up until that point I genuinely never considered this before, I thought he was attractive but never would have tried anything with him because as far as i was concerned we were just friends. However, I did agree to the date and things have completely blossomed since then, I'm the happiest I've ever been and it seems like we are such a great match.

Even though my ex friend and i aren't in eachothers lives anymore I still feel this guilt, like I've crossed a line.

AIBU?
Please be kind 🙏

OP posts:
waterwitch · 27/11/2022 19:42

Sounds like you & your ex-friend have moved on, so I wouldn’t give it a second thought!
It’s great you’re making each other so happy, enjoy it! 💐

Stressedmum2017 · 27/11/2022 19:44

Go for it I say. Why pass up a chance of happiness for someone who was disrespectful that is no longer in your life?
She will know doubt throw a hissy fit when she finds out but her fuck her lol.

something2say · 27/11/2022 19:45

From what you say about her behaviour, and the fact that she cheated on him too, go for it. I too would generally not, but she cheated on him - it's not like he was the love of her life is it?

Annabananna1 · 27/11/2022 19:46

You're not friends anymore and there relationship was a long time ago.. so I think it's a tiny bit of a grey area but I wouldn't let it stop you.

Enjoy the relationship. Life is messy. Grab happiness where you can.

buckeejit · 27/11/2022 19:47

yanbu & she sounds like a prick, She's no longer a close friend so it doesn't matter. Enjoy your new boyfriend!

Stopthebusplease · 27/11/2022 19:47

Definitely NOT being unreasonable! If the friend is now history, I wouldn't worry about it one iota, and the fact that she liked that you and he got on when you were friends, tells me that she wouldn't be bothered anyway, particularly as she was unfaithful to him when they were together.

I hope the relationship works out for you in the longer term.

Speakingofdinosaurs · 27/11/2022 19:49

I would only feel guilty if I thought it would break her heart but that is soooo not the case here and it has been many years since they were even together.
Absolutely carry on with your new relationship.

Georgeskitchen · 27/11/2022 20:10

Another yes from me. You owe your ex friend nothing. Go ahead and enjoy !!!

LunaetSol · 27/11/2022 20:21

Awwwh what lovely replies!!

Thank you everyone this has helped more than you know! 💐💐💐

OP posts:
GoonerGirl5231 · 27/11/2022 20:22

She's not your friend, she's someone you were once friends with and you don't owe her anything. He sounds lovely and you sound great together – go for it!

OrigamiOwls · 27/11/2022 20:26

I don't think you owe an ex-friend anything (a current friend is likely to be different)

H34th · 27/11/2022 20:26

She may have even expected it to happen at some point.

Go for it with clear conscience.

mamabear715 · 27/11/2022 20:27

A lot of water under the bridge. Enjoy your lovely relationship. :-)

abblie · 27/11/2022 20:29

Eves are exes for a reason

caroleanboneparte · 27/11/2022 21:39

No reason not to imo. I honestly don't get why people get het up about these things.

LadyWithLapdog · 27/11/2022 21:42

Ages ago and you’re no longer close. Why not?!

OnTheBoardwalk · 27/11/2022 21:52

I had a mutual friend ask me out 20 years after he dated a good friend at the time at college. she did however sleep with several friends at the same time she was going out with him which he found out about after they split up

i spoke to her. She said she was 'fine' then went telling every story I’d told her over the last 23 years and upset a lot of people

Absolutely go for it but just watch your back

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