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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family members diagnosing DS with adhd??

16 replies

Isit2023yet · 27/11/2022 18:50

DS is super clever and does well at school he is working at higher level than expected. He has just landed a modelling contract too! So I am super proud of him. He is my first son so maybe I am bit more lenient with him 😩

Anyway OH isn’t ds biological dad but he is the only dad he has ever had. I met OH 6 months after having DS. His family have treated DS the same as all the other grand kids.

Today he has been there for Sunday dinner and was messing about a bit and apparently it took 4 adults to make him stop messing about and eat his dinner.

I am aware that he can be overly fidgety and can’t keep, still making faces etc. If I was there I can guarantee you this wouldn’t have happened as he listens well to me.

Now me and OH have spoke about DS possibly having adhd before but have not really thought any more into it as he doing so well in school and his seems content and his behaviour has been fine.

but just the thought of them all discussing DS behaviour today has upset me. OH came home suggesting we get him booked in at the doctors because (MIL) had a child in her class before that behaved the same way that had adhd.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed?

OP posts:
HairyKitty · 15/04/2023 08:11

Yes YABU to be annoyed. YANBU if you are concerned about your son.

Might your son have ADHD? If yes then why haven’t you had a proper discussion about it before?
How might a diagnosis/treatment benefit him?
Presumably it might help him not mess around with his food etc in other non-family settings so that his peers and other adults outside the family don’t talk about his behaviour in the future when it matters?

It’s quite possible that his behaviours are obvious to people outside your home who see him compared against 100s of neurotypical kids, but that as Mum we dont always see this. It’s not neurotypical for a child to need to be managed closely by parents to stop face pulling/food messing/plate clanking behaviours etc.

IncompleteSenten · 15/04/2023 08:13

Yes you are.
It doesn't matter how clever and pretty he is. If you have suspected this before you should already have asked for an assessment.

tvbed · 15/04/2023 08:23

YABU is my guess. Why does it bother you that they discussed this? Nothing you've said implies it was done in a nasty way. What about it bothers you?

If you've already discussed it I'm guessing he has fairly obvious traits so not surprising someone else has picked up on this.

Is it upsetting you because you see it as a deficit or judgement? In which case you need to educate yourself around neurodivergence.

Florissant · 15/04/2023 08:24

It makes a change from MNers diagnosing autism.

pinkfondu · 15/04/2023 08:31

Is it coming from a loving place?

Whatabouteverything · 15/04/2023 08:34

Sorry YABU and precious. It's not your OHs family discussing YOUR sons issues. It's his DAD and family discussing them
You can't have it both ways- he's either his dad or he's not. They've accepted him fully as their own- you seemed happy with that and now they're expressing their views as a loving family would do. You've already suspected it- get him assessed and stop dawdling.

Tamuchly · 15/04/2023 08:43

Intelligent, good looking people have ADHD too! You need to do a bit of research, I think YABU as it sounds like MIL in particular might have some experience with it.

SD1978 · 15/04/2023 08:48

In what way did it take 4 adults to calm him down? What was the behaviour that he was being that Siri prove that 4 adults felt they had to intervene with his behaviour? And how old? If he's old enough to know better, minimising his disruptive ness because he's smart and pretty isn't going to help much outside of the home.

Pinkflipflop85 · 15/04/2023 08:55

Ds is very intelligent and has Adhd. The 2 aren't mutually exculsive.

potatowhale · 15/04/2023 08:55

DS is super clever and does well at school he is working at higher level than expected. He has just landed a modelling contract too what's that got to do with it?

His family have treated DS the same as all the other grand kids. ok so then they are probably trying to help?

As long as it wasn't discussed in front of him I don't see the problem. It's something you and DH identified yourself. If you don't want to pursue a diagnosis fair enough why didnt DH just tell them that.

potatowhale · 15/04/2023 08:56

Ok who randomly resurrected this thread from november 2022? Own up.

SD1978 · 15/04/2023 09:01

@potatowhale - shite. I only ever check a few posts back. Didn't see it was a zombie!

5foot5 · 15/04/2023 09:03

Weird that it looks like it got no response at all when first posted.

HairyKitty · 15/04/2023 09:06

Gah! Mumsnet “similar threads” algorithm. They could fix that to only show recent threads.

DaaamnYoullDo · 15/04/2023 09:08

I think it's a bit shitty you've suspected it but done nothing about it. It makes life difficult you know. It doesn't matter how clever and handsome he is. Life on the spectrum is difficult, monumentally so when undiagnosed.

How old is he?

Pinkflipflop85 · 15/04/2023 09:28

potatowhale · 15/04/2023 08:56

Ok who randomly resurrected this thread from november 2022? Own up.

Oh bugger. I'm usually good at spotting the date!

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