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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cancel our trip together?

22 replies

thenextstationstopis · 27/11/2022 15:59

Due to go away with DP for a birthday treat (his) early January. I’ve booked, planned and am paying for it.

Since telling him he’s not exactly been that enthused by the idea. Today, when I suggested we discuss our plans when there, he seemed to be putting up barriers. To be fair some are partly due to planned train strikes, annoying but not insurmountable - the strikes might affect us travelling home from the airport and also DD travelling back to Uni and we won’t necessarily be on hand. AIBU to just cancel the whole sodding thing as he’s clearly not that keen on the idea. No financial implications for me doing so at this stage.

He’s definitely becoming more checked out than ever but denies this. He says he wants us to spend time together then behaves like this.

OP posts:

FelicityFlops · 27/11/2022 16:04

I would cancel. You can always do something more spontaneous closer to the date.

Feef83 · 27/11/2022 16:06

Was this the guy who went back to his home town on his birthday and you were pissed at him?

Original poster

thenextstationstopis · 27/11/2022 16:07

Feef83 · 27/11/2022 16:06

Was this the guy who went back to his home town on his birthday and you were pissed at him?

No. Don’t think I read that thread.

OP posts:

ExtraOnions · 27/11/2022 16:08

What do you want him to do? Get out some bunting and play the trumpet every time the trip gets a mention.

Is he not being grateful enough, is that the problem?

Feef83 · 27/11/2022 16:09

He would like he’s well and truly withdrawing op in any event

i would save your money and spend it on a slap up meal with my DD if I were you

Feef83 · 27/11/2022 16:11

He isn’t doing anything wrong by not being enthusiastic. He can’t help how he feels.

but if he is intending to draw a line through the rel… he should tell you

DragonWasp · 27/11/2022 16:12

I think it's a bit passive aggressive to just cancel the whole thing without talking to him about it.

Ask him directly why he's not enthusiastic about it?

Original poster

thenextstationstopis · 27/11/2022 16:13

ExtraOnions · 27/11/2022 16:08

What do you want him to do? Get out some bunting and play the trumpet every time the trip gets a mention.

Is he not being grateful enough, is that the problem?

Not at all. First time we’ve discussed for weeks due to our schedules. We need to book activities in advance and as only a few weeks away it seemed like a good rainy day activity for an hour or so. Seems he’d rather not go, train strikes or not, but won’t actually say that.

OP posts:

Original poster

thenextstationstopis · 27/11/2022 16:15

DragonWasp · 27/11/2022 16:12

I think it's a bit passive aggressive to just cancel the whole thing without talking to him about it.

Ask him directly why he's not enthusiastic about it?

I have. Cites train strikes which, as above, are not insurmountable imo. End of conversation.

OP posts:

DragonWasp · 27/11/2022 16:18

Why does the conversation end. (Genuine question) is it him shutting you down or are you stumped for what to say next.
Have you asked him if he wants to go.

rookiemere · 27/11/2022 16:20

Have you suggested you cancel to see what he says?

girlmom21 · 27/11/2022 16:23

To be fair if someone booked me a trip away without consultation and then expected me to be involved in organising all the activities I'd be annoyed. Either organise a full holiday or don't.

Original poster

thenextstationstopis · 27/11/2022 16:24

DragonWasp · 27/11/2022 16:18

Why does the conversation end. (Genuine question) is it him shutting you down or are you stumped for what to say next.
Have you asked him if he wants to go.

Probably a bit of both. I had asked him if it was a good time to discuss in advance and he said it was. When I start going through the plans, he immediately starts with the barriers. I feel hurt, said okay let’s leave it and off he went.

OP posts:

ExtraOnions · 27/11/2022 16:25

thenextstationstopis · 27/11/2022 16:13

Show quote history

Activities ? Why not just go where you wea going, then go with the flow - maybe the micro-planning is what’s putting him off.

I hate it when i’m going away and someone wants to get things (meals out etc) booked in. Maybe just chill out a bit

Original poster

thenextstationstopis · 27/11/2022 16:26

girlmom21 · 27/11/2022 16:23

To be fair if someone booked me a trip away without consultation and then expected me to be involved in organising all the activities I'd be annoyed. Either organise a full holiday or don't.

Fair point but the barriers seem to be his way of getting out of the whole thing.

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/11/2022 16:30

Cancel. And if he asks why - tell him he's right, train strikes, why risk it blah blah blah.

Feef83 · 27/11/2022 16:35

thenextstationstopis · 27/11/2022 16:26

Fair point but the barriers seem to be his way of getting out of the whole thing.

Show quote history

Well given you are in a relationship with him, and we don’t know him from Adam…. I’d say go with your gut. He doesn’t fancy going.

because he didn’t like the sound of it and / or he doesn’t want to go with you

CarefreeMe · 27/11/2022 17:03

YABU
I think just because he’s not physically jumping for joy, doesn’t mean he’s into it.

I too would be a bit concerned if I thought train strikes were going to impact me.

Why not ask him if he wants you to cancel and do it at a different date instead, in case the train strikes mess it up?

Jacksfesteringresentment · 27/11/2022 17:08

I'm not sure where people are getting the idea that you think he should be jumping for joy etc. and giving you a hard time. Some people just seem to Ike being a bit nasty.

If he's not interested in a lovely trip you've thoughtfully booked for him/both of you to enjoy together, just cancel it.

Spend the money on yourself and buy him a jumper for his birthday.

CarefreeMe · 27/11/2022 17:12

If he's not interested in a lovely trip you've thoughtfully booked for him/both of you to enjoy together, just cancel it.

But he hadn’t said he’s not interested, he’s just not as enthusiastic as OP would like because of the train strikes.

Of course he may be just using the train strikes as an excuse but we don’t know that.

Original poster

thenextstationstopis · 27/11/2022 17:18

CarefreeMe · 27/11/2022 17:12

If he's not interested in a lovely trip you've thoughtfully booked for him/both of you to enjoy together, just cancel it.

But he hadn’t said he’s not interested, he’s just not as enthusiastic as OP would like because of the train strikes.

Of course he may be just using the train strikes as an excuse but we don’t know that.

No, not just the train strikes and as I’ve said, these are not insurmountable. I just don’t think he wants to go, there, or with me.

OP posts:

DragonWasp · 27/11/2022 20:55

It sounds like there's a real struggle with you two communicating.

I don't think you should be guessing what to do and guessing what his problem is.

You need to pick a good time to calmly talk to eachother and persevere with the conversation until you know how he feels about the trip and you know how he feels about you. Also you need to tell him about how you feel and how his behaviour has affected you.

Has the communication always been so difficult between you?

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