DD Potty training regression or something

[santacl]

I tried training DD when she was 2.5 in summer. It didn't work at all. She just retained her urine, refused to sit on potty and was distressed. I stopped and had a break.

Then a couple of weeks ago, she was much more willing to sit on the potty and randomly did a poo. Huge success. So I just started again. Bare bottom, no nappies.

She reliably did her poos in the potty and even asked me for it. Peeing was an issue, I had to be right there watching her squirming around and kind of sitting her on it. At nursery, she's just been withholding all day.

Before sending her to nursery I had her at home for a few days bare bottomed. She's not had nappies, except for at night, for 2 weeks now. Going into week 3.

If I'm not watching her like a hawk for signs she needs to go, she has stopped telling me she needs to go and also refusing to sit on potty again for peeing. Somehow she's worked out number two first.

She'll pace around the potty and house for ages, holding her crotch. I encourage her to sit down and she starts crying and refuses to sit down. This is what it was like in the summer again.

I really don't want to give up and put her back in nappies.

Also, she pees for everyone else- baby sitter, mother in law, sister in law etc. but when she's with me, she refuses. I've tried rewards, big toilet, potty.. everything really.

Any advice ?

Sorry for posting this here. The potty training section doesn't get many responses.

Star chart? It worked with my daughter

I forgot to say. We also have that ! She used to ask me for a sticker after success. Now she's stopped caring !

Right now she's just pacing around holding her crotch and refusing to sit down when I ask her to.

If I ignore her, she will wet herself.

I'd put nappies back on. She's not trained. If they are ready, they will be well underway in all settings in less than a week

Well duh ! I know she's not trained. We are in the potty training process right now. I didn't claim she was trained.:

What about a toilet seat insert and step stool so she can use the proper toilet? A couple of my kids weren’t interested in the potty.

I put books in the bathroom and another stool for me and we use read books whilst they were sitting on the toilet. It can take them time to work out how to relax and release the right muscles to go.

My son had to have an episode of Fireman Sam on an iPad whilst sitting on the toilet every day after lunch to get him use to doing a poo when he was being toilet trained.

It is about perseverance. I never liked the toilet training stage.

We are doing all of that already.

@santacl what I meant by 'not trained' is that the potty training process shouldn't take weeks. If it's still disastrous 3 weeks in, then the child is not ready, and you should stop and try again in the new year. Far less stressful for all involved - if it's causing her distress, then that's a clear sign to stop

Ok ! Got you !

She just did a pee in the toilet ! Yay !!

Hmm if it's only with you could it be an attention thing? Do you show any upset or frustration etc when she wees?

Have you tried when she wees on the floor completely ignoring it and changing without mentioning it...

Also have you tried an alarm watch? When it alarms she goes. So no badgering from you etc.

Also my daughter was trained for a good month then started weeing on purpose for attention (for example if she wanted to get in the kitchen she would wee by the gate etc so I had to open it and clean up, if she wanted a bath and I said not yet she would wee so I would have to clean her up)... I just decided to put pull ups back on and it's been 4 months of that! Random wees on potty but also wees in pull ups. Just this weekend she's decided to put pants on and do all wees and poos in the toilet!

I think some kids just do what they want lol.

I have really tried not to show it of course. I always reassure her and tell her that she's learning something new and it's normal that it takes time. But she gets upset herself about being wet.

Also she once slipped on her own wee puddle. It was dramatic.

I don't actually remind her to go in that time sensitive way. I just keep an eye on her and encourage her when she gives me signs she needs to go.

She's also asked me herself.

This last time, she was pacing around, I tried to make her sit on the potty but she wouldn't.

So I said, I need to go to the toilet, do you want to come ? She said yes. I went. Then she set up her own ladder and sat down and said ' I need to go poo poo '.. I said OK.. she then sat for a while and tried to get off and I then encouraged her to stay and wait a little while. I then was just doing my own thing outside the door and heard she started peeing. I just think it takes time to learn how to actually release to pee. I might just get rid of all the potties now and encourage the toilet only.

I’m sure it’s not what the experts recommend but it was bribing to sit on the potty with chocolate buttons that worked for us

Oh gosh!! I can see my daughter doing this. Sometimes she tells me she needs the toilet and just starts running around wanting me to chase her.. so she definitely also does it for attention sometimes already !

That's also how I got her to sit on it a bit more hahah

I really feel like giving up today. It's all so touch and go. She's been unwell this last week, so I guess that's made it harder. Last night she woke up from a nap and clearly needed to go and was so distressed about it. Squirming everywhere and crying, but refusing to go. Then she wet herself, but continued the squirming, which made it seem like she still needed to go. Then she decided she was happy to sit on the toilet. But was just holding and holding and holding. Then friends came round and she completely forgot about it all it seems. But didn't go. I then put a nappy on her at bed time. But she never went since the earlier squirming and crying. Of course her nappy was soaking this morning.

Then todays she's already wet herself twice, with not even any attempt at going or letting me know she needs to go. I could cry. If I put her back in nappies I know that my husband will be disappointed and my mother in law will say it's a shame and that she pees for her and that I need spend more time getting her to try and sit etc. I am absolutely exhausted.

She doesn't seem to care any more about stickers / treats etc. I feel like giving up.

f I ignore her, she will wet herself.

Have you let her go through a phase of wetting herself and you not making any fuss etc? Some children need to have a week or two of working out how long they can hold etc, and takimg control themselves, there will be accidents and its crucial you aren't angry or cross etc at this

Not yet no. I think I might have to try that, do you think it will help ? This morning I didn't watch her for any signs and take her to the toilet at all and she wet herself twice. I suppose at least she wasn't holding it as usual. I'm just tired of having to watch her like a hawk all day long.

However there have been days where she's even asked me for the potty. Literally she's come up to me and said she needs to go and wants her potty. I don't get why it's so up and down.

No advice I’m afraid, but huge sympathies. Toilet training has been the most miserable parenting stage of my life. Both times round. We had multiple regressions. Both of mine took months if not years. It was a horror fest!

Hang in there - she will get it. I felt despair, anger, guilt, you name it. But both of mine did eventually get it and it now all feels like a distant (but pretty miserable) memory!

It's tough because there are also two camps of how it should be done. I'm just not sure which one I fall into.

There's the ' once they're ready it's easy, so wait until they're ready ' and then there's the ' you've left it too late already anyway and need to push on '. I just don't understand how I was potty trained with reasonable easy at under two years old and know lots of kids that were and somehow, nowadays we need to wait until they're ready - sometimes at almost 4 years old ? So half of me wants to give up and the other half of wants to push on.

This was the dilemma for me. I started to think that I’d left it too long and the kids had figured out that it was easier to have accidents and get cleaned up rather than stop what they were doing and go to the toilet. My daughter nailed it within 3 days and then regressed and we had 2 years of inconsistent toileting. She’d get it, then regress over and over again. She was dry at night from day 1 so we knew she could hold it in. Never really understood why one day with both her and her brother it started working more consistently.

I just wanted to come back and say that we persevered and it's becoming so much easier now !

She's just doing it. No accidents for ages now. I'm expecting some, but there haven't been any for a long time.

She asks to go to the toilet or just takes herself there now. So proud of her and so glad I kept going !