To find friend groups toxic?

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I've always struggled to hold down long term friendships apart from two lovely women, whom I'm very close to and have been for years.

But I have purposely been left out with my current friend group who I formed about two years ago. They do things without me, don't invite me out etc and it makes me feel like a complete outsider and really upsets me. Im not a horrible person but I act a lot older than them, have a house etc they still live at home and enjoy going out drinking partying etc.
I haven't bothered to mention anything to them because I know I won't be taken seriously and it sounds pathetic to feel this way as an adult. It's also caused me to suffer massively bad social anxiety which I've never had before. Leaving the house is a struggle.

Does anyone else struggle with friend groups and feeling left out? Just need to know i'm not alone!

I don’t think this group is toxic: you appear to just have very different interests to the other people in it. Why would they invite you out to things when you seem to have made it clear you aren’t interested in doing those things? Do you think you come across as a little bit superior about your lifestyle compared with theirs when you speak with them, as you do here? Do you think that might have something to do with them not particularly enjoying your company?

You need to concentrate on making different friends with similar interests to yours. It’s pointless trying to persevere friendships with people who you don’t have anything in common with and then being upset when you aren’t included with the things they like doing which you don’t.

Yes I agree with that. Rather than labelling it toxic just say your interests are different and that you are drifting apart. That's ok. Could it be possible that your are putting too much emphasis on needing to find a long term stable group of friends? Lovely on the TV show but real life generally doesn't pan out like this. People change, life changes.

It sounds like you don't have much in common and need to find friends who you share similar interests with. I wouldn't say it sounds "toxic" as such.

It’s not toxic. You’re just not compatible.

What is it that binds the friendship group? It doesn’t sound as if you get much out of it.

It sounds like you are the issue here and not that your group is toxic

thinking they’re the toxic ones is what has probably led to you being left out. Social skills seem to be in short supply for many posters on here sadly

They're not toxic just at a different stage of their lives to you

Eh? What on earth has the OP said to warrant this?

You seem to have an odd view towards your friends. They aren’t something you need to ‘hold down’ and saying that, I have purposely been left out with my current friend group who I formed about two years ago is unusual. You don’t ‘form’ friendship groups! They evolve a through shared interests and experiences and are something to be enjoyed.

If they want to go out drinking but you don’t any more-you may have changed and need to find some friends who like doing the things that you like.

This is very hard because like others said - it can be different interests. I was in a group and me and another woman loves food - fine dining and trying different things from all sorts of countries. Another woman liked pizza, chips etc and didn't want to visit new places we would find. She then got mad when we went together....... :/

have you suggested some things all together that suit you all?
you may then just have to skip the things that don't float your boat.

To warrant what? The truth?

Thinking she is so much more mature and her friends are all the toxic ones, not her. Will be the cause of her being left out and most likely left friendless like many on here.

Everything doesn’t need to be toxic 🙄 it’s such an overused word at the minute.

Honestly it sounds like you just don’t really like these women, you don’t have much in common from how you have described them in your post and you’ve only known them 2 years! That’s not a very long time for a friendship. They are allowed to do things without you without it being ‘toxic’.

Toxic is a bit dramatic. Seems odd that you imply they’re immature to go out doing things you don’t want to do but in the same breath you feel left out.
It’s all a bit “go away don’t leave”.

I agree, I had a huge friendship group in my early twenties and we were very close and spent lots of time together. Then when I had kids it drifted- they weren't toxic they just weren't interested in my kids and I didnt want to party and stay out for days. We drifted apart, I found a different group of mum friends who I fit in with better now. Noone did anything wrong and I still speak to some of my old friends now and again. It's not high school with strict friendship groups things evolve and change throughout life.

I’d just concentrate on spending time with people you enjoy being with individually , rather than being part of a group. I’m much better with 1-2-1 friendships, so much less scope for drama.

I definitely struggle with friend groups - I struggle to know whether I’m doing things “right”, I struggle with knowing what’s natural versus purposeful (like your example - what’s natural drift versus purposeful exclusion). I’m a lot better with individual friends. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that friendship groups are toxic, just that they each operate according to their own social rules and it’s not always easy to navigate those.

Yes I agree that wasn't very nice. Mumsnet saddens me sometimes. OP sounds just like you need to move on from them, don't dwell, it's just you're at different life stages. Join some new hobby groups and see how that goes maybe 🙂

Yes, these people are toxic and they are not your friends. Join a class, a hobby, a choir