Apparently I'm "old fashioned and anti-feminist"

356 replies

MVDC · 27/11/2022 09:28

Because I told my friend who's thinking about TTC that she should seriously consider getting married first, even if it's just a register office job.

Apparently that makes me puritanical and woman shaming. Have directed her to the 4 threads I've read so far this morning where women had kids unmarried and are now getting completely screwed by their partners as the relationship breaks down.

I'm really, really angry. Not so much at my friend as at society who's convinced women that "cool girls don't need marriage" and I'm just... My coffee isn't Irish enough.

OP posts:

SueVineer · 03/12/2022 21:41

MangyInseam · 27/11/2022 20:44

No, OP, you aren't unreasonable. Marriage is basically a kind of contract that, in most cases, offers some protection to the person having the child, or caring for the child, if things go wrong.

People in that situation should look into it and be aware of the advantages and disadvantages for their situation. Though if the other person in the relationship refuses to do it, there isn't much recourse - I suppose that says something about how they see the relationship, though.

No it isn’t. Marriage allows one party to claim the other party’s assets on break up. It has nothing to do with children.

SueVineer · 03/12/2022 21:48

Ericaequites · 28/11/2022 03:34

Marriage offers a wife and their children many legal and financial protections. Children who live with both married parents are less likely to have psychological problems, use illegal substances, and commit delinquency. Why wouldn’t you want the best for yourself and your child if the father isn’t a hopeless mess?

i think it might be a bit more complicated than that

Original poster

MVDC · 03/12/2022 21:58

SueVineer · 03/12/2022 21:39

So her partner does have assets and/or a good salary? If not what’s the point of her getting married?

Show quote history

He does, yes. But even if he didn't, he's not going to be the one giving up his job and becoming completely financially dependent.

OP posts:

Ericaequites · 04/12/2022 00:13

@SueVineer it is a lot more complicated than my discussion.still, it’s better to marry Mr. Kind and Tolerable than struggle as a single mother. True lover is rare, but it’s good to settle for a generous person who likes you and will be a decent dad.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 04/12/2022 00:29

HippeePrincess · 27/11/2022 09:31

I’d tell you to fuck off if you said that to me, I put 1/3 of the value of out home as a deposit, I earn more, and I will be going back to work. How would marriage benefit me?

Same here! I’m married because we wanted to be, not because it benefits me. I am and always have been the higher earner, the deposit for our home came from my previous property sale, I could pay the mortgage without him. I married him because I love him, not for financial gain or protection.

YukoandHiro · 04/12/2022 08:59

I didnt get married til after DD 1 but I became very insistent about it very quickly after she was born and we were married by the time she was 8 months. Sometimes it's hard to see how disadvantaged you are until you're well into that

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