Sorry for the long post .. How can I approach this and has anyone had a similar experience with in laws/family not respecting their wishes regarding baby. So when me and my partner started to tell his family we were expecting a baby, my partners step mum made a few comments like ‘hope it’s not another girl/ we don’t need another girl’ because there’s no baby boys in the family. I’m sure it wasn’t malicious but it still upset me because this is our first baby and if we weren’t bothered about gender why should she be. My sister in law was then saying how the family will be disappointed if it’s not a boy, they want a grandson and made similar comments to her with her pregnancies (she has three girls) and she was upset by it too. Anyway me and my partner decided we would find out the gender and keep it a surprise for our nearest and dearest both sides of the family and our friends.
Our little boy is due in the spring. When his step mum found out we were keeping the gender secret she was very rude, saying ‘what’s the point in that’ etc. I explained the point was it’s only a few months til we share our baby with the rest of the world anyway, it’s the first grandchild on my side of the family, my disabled dad who wouldn’t have even been here to meet his grandchild if I’d waited a few more years as planned to have a baby had three girls between me and my sisters and although he just wants us to have a healthy baby he always wanted a boy of his own or a nephew when we were growing up - and I wanted it to be a surprise for him. Few other reasons but doesn’t matter what as it’s mine & my partners baby no one else’s. So we found out baby is a boy at 17 weeks and we bought a blue outfit and dressing gown for our boy which my partner kept in his wardrobe (we’re waiting for our house to be ready so at present my partners back at his parents and so am I)
The beginning of this week my partners step mum was helping my partners real mum (who he lives with) do some DIY in the house. We had the 20 week check on Monday and came back to my partners. His mum and step mum asked how it went and we said all good, then when I left the room I heard his step mum (very over the top loudly) say ‘It’ll be nice to have a little boy’ and I didn’t think anything of it, the next 5 mins she over exaggerates how ‘I know it’s a boy anyway. I know it is’ etc etc. I still didn’t think too much into it and in the end his real mum says ‘no she doesn’t she’s just guessing’. Then I see my partner Friday night he picks me up from work and tells me he visited his dad and step mum in the afternoon and she was still doing the same thing going on how she knows it’s a boy. And my partners dad told him when she was out of earshot she said she’s looked in the wardrobe and seen our babies blue clothes. By the way she had no reason to be in his wardrobe no decorating or work happened in his room, she had to temporarily put some furniture in there but the wardrobe has doors so was closed.
So she’s gone out of her way to look. And you know what, if she had peeked and kept it to herself I wouldn’t be so mad. But announcing it around other family members .. I’m so cross. It’s our news to share about our baby not hers and if she can’t respect our wishes before baby arrives I doubt she will when he’s here. My partner doesn’t like confrontation, but I feel like I should approach it? Does anyone have any suggestion. I feel like if I let it slide she will think she can do/say what she wants and bend rules as she pleases around my baby. She does it to my SIL too like giving her babies (3 and under) round hard lollipops infront of her when she as the mum has said no. I nearly said something on that occasion but didn’t .. thank you if you read this massive rant