To want to get ex a present & say it’s from the kids?

[Framedheart]

Name changed…even as I typed that subject I cringed but hear me out…do you get your (recent) ex husband (separated) Christmas/bday presents? It will be our first Christmas apart and I have found myself wanting to get him something, I miss him even though for many reasons being apart is the only solution. Just wondered if it’s being controlling/manipulative to get him a present and say it’s from the children? Or to actually allow children to choose him a present (and keep quiet when they choose something totally shit!)

I think it's kind, and I think he'd appreciate it. Yes you'll be funding it, it'll be from the children you share.

I'd let them choose him a present themselves, for which you would (obviously) pay.

My ex asked me not to get him things from the kids so no I don’t

I let the kids choose something for him (I pay). When he’s being nice I steer their choices. When he’s being a tw*t then I give them a completely free choice 🤣

Yes, I do for both Christmas and his birthday. Just something small from the DCs. Not that he returns the gesture 🙄
He did get me a Mother’s Day card and some chocolates from the DCs, but on my birthday the only reason I got a “Mummy” card was because my mum took it upon herself to get me one and sneak upstairs with the DCs to write it.

Give the children a budget and let them pick something. I’d do it for as long as the children want to do it.

How old are the kids ?

It also depends on why ? A gift from kids nice but if its not about dad/ child relationship odd

If it's recent, I wouldn't. Boundaries are still being set, things can be misconstrued.

Do it next year.

I always do, for DC sake as I know they love giving gifts.

I always do. I hate the 'be kind' mantra but it is actually a nice thing to do. He's still the DC's father whatever your feelings towards them. I wouldn't spend much though. If they really want to pick the present themselves, then great, encourage them.

This. You can obviously guide them if you think it's shit like you would do if you were still together

My DH has it in the parenting plan with his ex that they'll help the kids get something for the other one. It's nice.

Yes if label from children only it's a great idea

Maybe I’m being naive but I’d like to think that it’s as simple as a child getting their father a gift. Personally I would do it as long as our child wanted to regardless of whether it was reciprocated or not. I would be lead by the child’s wishes.