AIBU to be stressed every time my kids get sick?

[TiredMama05]

Ok first I know the answer is yes! But I think I’m looking for some tough love.

I have a DD who is 4 and in reception and a DS who is just 5 months old. It feels like every week my daughter has some nasty virus or cold and then inevitably it is starting to get passed onto DS who never seems to be free from a temp or watery eyed cold.

We are supposed to be going out with family tonight to a light show and to see Santa but DD was looking a bit pale and said she felt ‘a tiny bit poorly’… she’s also watching tv lying on the cough which is not like her at all on the weekend! I checked her temp in her ears and boom… 38.5… although her forehead temp is only showing as 36.7 (!?).

DS is normally chilled but he is also a tad out of sorts too.

I really wish I could be someone who could just dose my child up on calpol/nurofen and then relax about it…. But I’m not. The minute I recognised she had a temp, I can feel my blood pressure rise and I become so tense. I drive my husband and DD mad by then checking her temp every 5 minutes.

i keep telling myself that these are just a right of passage in childhood and it is making them stronger… I also know there are some people and children out there with ‘real’ illnesses to worry about and I’m so grateful that isn’t me…

but I still can’t help being stressed.
If anyone has any suggestions about how they keep calm, I would be grateful!

I don’t think you’re being that unreasonable, most people are worried about their kids when they are sick, particularly when they are young.

I am exactly the same! It’s exhausting isn’t it. My only advice is make a note in your phone of all the things you can do, the things that are in your control and the most likely scenario… being that your child will be fine in a day or so. Then refer to this each time they’re ill. It’s the only thing that helps me not catastrophize so much!

I thought you were going to say stressed when you realise you’ll have to take yet another day off work. That coupled with worry when your child is in hospital and your boss is not happy is a reason to worry!

It’s a tough one because sickness is something we’re hard wired to pay attention to in varying degrees.

would it help you to keep rough medical records? I’m thinking if you recorded temps at set times and had an ‘at a glance’ note of symptoms and medication it may temper your impulse to keep randomly checking.

Thank you for the comments! And for the suggestion of writing things down… I am going to try this today.

@momlette you’re right! I’m lucky I’m still on maternity leave so don’t have that problem… just yet.

Some mums just look and sound so chilled when their children have been poorly and they always seem like (maybe I just imagine that) they have remained just as calm throughout!

My reception age daughter has been ill for the last two days which has been a pain especially combined with work. I think it's very understandable however hopefully you will stop feeling the need to hover assuming they're not very ill. My mum used to get very anxious throughout our childhood about minor illnesses which stressed us all out and my dad used to say that even if we were in hospital we wouldn't be monitored that often. Hope they're better soon.

I think it’s totally normal to be stressed when dcs are sick , I wouldn’t check their temp all the time but I think you know they aren’t feeling well. Tbh I wouldn’t want to be dosed up on paracetamol and brought out to events when I’m not well and I don’t think children want to either.
I think you sound like you are an empathetic person and that’s a very good thing. I have seen friends bring out sick kids tbh , one parent I know had her daughter in a buggy with a kidney infection at an event so not a necessary thing and I could feel the heat coming off the dc, they looked miserable ( I’m v v outdoorsy and my dcs and me are always out in fresh air but if they feel like crap I don’t drag them out unless necessary).
Also one main reason I get stressed is my dcs were awful sleepers for years when small and even now when they are all older will wake frequently when sick which I find really , really hard tbh whereas someone else’s child might sleep more when ill so it might not mean the exhaustion it means to others.

Honestly, I don't check my DS temp. I've maybe done it once in his life when he was a baby. I can tell when he's under the weather and knowing he has a temp with a cold or mild virus isn't going to change anything about the way I treat him. Obviously it would be different if he was really poorly but I think it can just feed anxiety when having a temp is a usual part of fighting off a bug.

I think it’s really interesting to hear you never took the temp (for the minor things)… my husband has now confiscated our thermometer and has suggested doing the same when we can see she isn’t really ill 🫣

I can feel her temp has come right down, so I’m feeling calmer.

…and @justdontkno1 we haven’t gone to the light show tonight! Gutted for her but I’d feel so guilty if she was miserable round what is supposed to be a lovely, magical evening like your friends child!

@Greymalkin12 hope your DC is better soon too!

Thank you all for your messages and sort of virtual hand holding this afternoon. It’s helped me not feel quite so silly about being stressed!!! ❤️

I don’t think you’re silly at all, just a caring mum. November and December are always awful for bugs, hang in there op, it’ll get better !