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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my job after 8 months

28 replies

tantrumingcoldchild · 26/11/2022 11:07

Posting here for traffic!

I applied for a role at my friend's firm at her encouragement/insistence. I did need a change because my previous (formerly beloved) employer had become a toxic environment.

My friend is in a more senior role in a different area. I would never have applied for a job working directly with or for her.

Shortly after I started, she tried to give me work. I hesitated and didn't agree to do it. (My manager later told me this was inappropriate of my friend.) My friend later sent me a barrage of abusive texts. I considered quitting, but my manager has had my back.

This was six months ago. I have very positive feedback for my performance so far.

A couple of days ago, the big boss (above my manager and my friend) pulled me into her office and told me that they are shaking things up. My role will no longer be the narrow job description that I had been hired for. I will have to work for my friend at least sometimes. Interestingly, she did this when my manager is on leave.

The 'friend' has been super nice lately.

I'm not sure how to proceed. I think that I need to grin and bear it, look for another job, and quit?

OP posts:
tickticksnooze · 26/11/2022 11:14

Why have you reposted this?

BendingSpoons · 26/11/2022 11:21

tickticksnooze · 26/11/2022 11:14

Why have you reposted this?

It literally says in the first line 'posting here for traffic'.

I would probably see how it goes and apply for other things at the same time. Working for friends happens, particularly when you are working friends and one gets promoted. But it sounds like she has tried to take advantage before.

Willmafrockfit · 26/11/2022 11:23

suck it and see
you canot know what friend would be like until you try
or job search in th emenatime.

VainAbigail · 26/11/2022 11:29

Do you want to maintain the friendship? If you do, you need to find a new job. From my experience, friendships and working together doesn’t mix well ☹️

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 26/11/2022 11:36

@BendingSpoons that's my general working plan. It is so upsetting.

OP posts:
Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 26/11/2022 11:37

@VainAbigail unfortunately I think that my friend ruined things with her mean messages. Some of them were very cruel

OP posts:
Juicylychee · 26/11/2022 11:39

It sucks but I would be looking for a new job.

Willmafrockfit · 26/11/2022 11:41

take her mean messages to management/hr

Overandunderit · 26/11/2022 11:45

Definitely look for a new job in ernest.

Keep things cordial until you do.

The flip side if you want to challenge things make a grievance against your 'friend'. With the texts as evidence. Are you in a union?

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 26/11/2022 11:49

@Overandunderit I am in a general industry union but my particular piece of the industry is very small and networky. I think that I may have to be super nice and pretend everything is fine, and a great opportunity just came along once I secure a new job.

The friend probably feels ashamed. She has told me loads of things about how much everyone likes me, how impressive I have been, etc since the incident.

OP posts:
Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 10/12/2022 21:40

Horrible update.

The 'friend' gave me a bunch of work that I started on. In the meantime my normal work really picked up and my manager said that I need to focus on this. I told the friend, offering to complete some of the tasks anyway.

Last night she sent me an angry text about how I don't care about her and she's furious that I can't inconvenience myself at all for her (I guess by neglecting my own normal work or working weekends).

I'm so miserable. Now it seems obvious that I have to quit.

OP posts:
Armychefbethebest · 10/12/2022 21:49

I think you need to consider this 'friendship over op, would you take this abuse from any other manager the shitty messages are unprofessional. If the answer is no then you go to hr with the messages. If your answer is yes you kindly need to work on assertiveness. This is absolutely not a friend whatever you de ide to do best of luck x

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 10/12/2022 21:54

@Armychefbethebest I definitely consider it over. I tried to let it blow over the first time, but I have now reported everything to my manager. I'm so disappointed.

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 11/12/2022 08:20

@tantrumingcoldchild make sure you include screenshots of the messages too. Your so called friend is manipulative and thinks you owe her big for getting the job.

girlmom21 · 11/12/2022 08:28

I'm sorry your friend has been a shit. Reporting her is the right thing.

Topee · 11/12/2022 09:01

Your ‘friend’ is being totally unprofessional. If there’s a work issue it shouldn’t be raised via text outside of working hours.

Pipsickl · 11/12/2022 09:03

I would leave. This all seems like too much hassle.

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 11/12/2022 09:35

@Pipsickl hassle is a good word for it. I love my manager and the work is manageable and interesting, but I can't be having this toxicity. It's such a shame 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 11/12/2022 09:36

@JingsMahBucket done! My manager was horrified when she saw the abusive texts

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LaurieFairyCake · 11/12/2022 09:47

Well done for sharing the bullying with your manager

Hopefully they will deal with this appropriately and you won't need to work for her if they want to retain you - which as you're good at your job and this is an employees market at the moment they'd be mad to let you go !

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 11/12/2022 10:07

So you've talked to your direct manager. Have you gone back to the "big boss" (the one who told you your role was being reorganised) and explained to them why you don't believe it will work well? (due your former friend's ongoing lack of professionalism)

Usernameismyname01 · 11/12/2022 10:38

What was your friendship like? Was it a child's mum that you saw occasionally at school, have you grown up with her and been close friends for years, is she someone you like to chat to when you see her but don't normally "hang out" together a lot?

I think depending on what kind of friendship it is would really depend on what you want to do with your job. If it were me and the friendship wasn't particularly close, then I would definitely stay out in work (that you like) and consider the friendship over BUT if doing this is going to cause other repercussions within a larger friendship circle (depending on how close etc) then maybe have a 1to1 outside of work and explain that what she is doing is definitely out of order

OnlyFannys · 11/12/2022 10:43

Based on your update I would certainly have one eye on the job boards while waiting to see how your company handles the bullying from your friend. I hope you get a fair resolution

Aprilx · 11/12/2022 10:44

tantrumingcoldchild · 11/12/2022 09:35

@Pipsickl hassle is a good word for it. I love my manager and the work is manageable and interesting, but I can't be having this toxicity. It's such a shame 😔

You should not be the one that has to leave a job you enjoy because of this. Your friend is not a friend, you need to respond exactly as you would if any other manage treated you like that. This is an HR matter and your former friend should be disciplined.

Original poster
tantrumingcoldchild · 11/12/2022 23:30

@Aprilx for sure I should not be the one to suffer...but realistically this will be a bad environment for me moving forward.

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