Dealing with extremely grumpy husband

[superstarDJherewegoo]

How do you deal with someone like this ??

We've had a rough few weeks. Kids have been ill. Husband rarely has time off. Our youngest baby cries a lot etc etc.

I've been in hospital with my DS all night, come home and husband wants to sleep because he looked after baby DS once during the night ( while I was in hospital ).

Today I wake up in a good mood, ready to take on the day. Kids seem better and all husband can do is complain and complain and complain about how shit his life is, how he has no pleasure in his life. How there are toys and baby stuff everywhere. He's always grumpy and bringing me down. He refuses to acknowledge it and refuses to get help etc.

I'm so fed up of seeing him moping around unhappy constantly. It's been this way for so long. All he does is complain and I'm really starting to dislike when he's home, because he's so miserable.

Any cheering him up, doesn't really work and I'm walking on egg shells constantly.

I was in hospital the whole night with older DS and when I got in at 9 am, husband shouted from upstairs for me to take baby DS because he needs his sleep. Who does that ?? Then he mopes around all day, as if he has the worst life ever.

I must admit that I'd wished I'd done something about my 'mood hoover' years ago , but things did improve and as children grow up it gets easier. The early years of child rearing is so hard and men are , fundamentally selfish. They do make it all about them.
Im not surprised so many people split up to be honest : women just dont want to put up with things anymore and are more financially solvent too more so than ever before.
It's tricky with children involved though. So hard.

This sounds like the perfect response to me.

He sounds like a pain.

You say your husband won't accept help but presumably you would. Try to find someone to do some cleaning/housekeeping for you once a week or even fortnightly. It won't break the bank and will make such a difference. You'll still have the children to see to but other burdens will be relieved.

I had one like this, always tired, and grumpy, work was always stressful, woke up every morning with some kind of physical symptom to moan about, even if it was only a sore toe! I worked part time, did all school runs, all housework, child care, then I went full time so all the pressure of earning wasn't on him, so he had to pick up youngest from school. He met a mother picking her child up every day, had an affair for 4 years, gaslighting me and telling me I was menopausal and paranoid and neurotic. I realised I was becoming an anxious miserable person, I did notrecognise! When I was secure in my job and knew I could manage financially, I divorced him. I wish I had told him to Fuck off years before, the misery spreading cockwomble! Do not put up with this, tell him how it makes you feel, and that he should leave if he cannot change.

women just dont want to put up with things anymore and are more financially solvent too more so than ever before
I feel that in large part many marriages only survived because the man became the breadwinner or higher earner by default and that gave him all the power!

A PP said "I think the key thing is - will he acknowledge it, and try to change/get help/better coping strategies. Because if so, then there is plenty to work with. If not, then ultimately you have to decide if this is the life you want and either put up with it or leave."

You cant change others behaviour only your own. You can point out to him the effect of his behaviour and how it makes you feel. You can ask him to go to he doctors and counselling. But if he refuses and things continue as they are ultimately you have to decide whether to accept it or leave. If you give any ultimatums you need to be able to follow it through though