how to keep friendships going

[Outtasteamandluck]

I struggle with maintaining friendships. I don't always know what the right thing to say is and sometimes get it wrong. I mean well (honest) but guess I can be a bit outspoken.

I feel like I'm on the periphery of friendship groups and I could quite easily drop off and wouldn't be missed.

How do I increase my value ? What are ways of keeping friendships going ?

It sounds like you're a bit blunt when you talk to people when you say "I can be a bit outspoken". If it's costing you friendships you need to learn how to reign your tongue in. What comes across as conversation to you might come across as nasty to others, do you not see that?

You would need to take a genuine interest in others, and not be bored in advance about what is going on in their lives. You would need to be proactive too and ask people out for coffee and not just expect them to call you. It’s lovely to be asked so do that occasionally too. Finally if you want to chirp up in general practice gratitude for things you have and people in your life and don’t mope about thinking you have it so rough.

When you say outspoken - think of some specific examples. Are you outspoken as in opinionated and not afraid to speak up, or could you perhaps be perceived by some to be harsh/rude/critical? And if so, thinking on it would you agree?

It might be that you need to do a bit of work to understand the impact of your interactions with people. It might also but you simply haven't found your people.

When you say you feel on the edge of friend groups and you could be missed - do you wait to be invited to things or do you instigate making plans? I recently felt like my different friend groups were just getting on without me, then I realised I hadn't really checked in in a while. So I got in touch, asked how folks were doing and said it'd be great to catch up soon. When they replied that they'd like that, I went ahead and set up and a date and time for us to meet. Friendships require maintenance and it can be really easy to get caught up in your own day to day. If you've got friends you're missing, reach out to them.

I would look to make different levels of friends, not just be part of a group where you are feeling vulnerable to being left out. Groups tend to come and go in my experience anyway. Is there anyone in the group you are closer to? I'd be looking for a couple of closer friends as well as the group, so you could do activities, coffee, chat that way.

In her recent book Michelle Obama suggests being genuinely curious and interested in the other person and being brave enough to take that step, arrange that meeting etc.