Is this a little bit creepy or is it me?

[FromDespairToHere]

I'm totally prepared to hear that I'm the odd one here for being creeped out!

I was travelling by train for work with a colleague but our tickets were booked separately so we were in different carriages: me in C and him in D. I put my headphones in and closed my eyes. We'd been going about 90 minutes when I looked behind me to see how busy the train was and he'd moved seats to behind me but across the aisle. He'd moved about 15 minutes after we'd set off but hadn't said anything to me that whole time!

I do find him a little strange anyway so that may be colouring my view but aibu to find it odd that he just sat where he could watch me for the best part of an hour and a half without letting me know he was there?

You had headphones in with your eyes closed. He probably thought he couldn't disturb you or you were asleep. Perhaps you're looking for reasons to confirm his "strangeness". Was he actually watching you?

Watching the back of your head in between two seats? If he was being creepy I'm not sure what he'd get out of that. Probably tried to get closer for company then realised you had your headphones in and was sleeping. Depends if there is a massive drop coming though I guess.

How do you know he moved behind you 15 minutes into the journey but you only noticed him behind you after 90 minutes?

“I put my headphones in and closed my eyes.”
Maybe he thought you were asleep.

This.

So a colleague that you know thought they may as well move closer to you… but once they got there, they decided not to tap you on the arm in case you were sleeping. Not getting any weirdness there.

My guess, he moved when he noticed the train was empty, wanting some company
saw you with headphones and closed eyes, so decided to leave you alone and just took a spare seat

No not at all creepy. It would be normal to move seats to try and sit with a colleague on a shared train journey. Then as others mentioned, he noticed you had your eyes closed, decided not to disturb you but couldn’t be bothered going to back to his seat.

I’m struggling to see where the creepy is in this? OP have a word with your self.

Lol ok I said I was prepared to be told I'm wrong. The pp who asked how I knew when he'd moved: he told me. And yeah he may have thought I was asleep at first but he would have seen me have a drink etc.

Another pp is probably right that I'm looking for things to confirm his weirdness!

Th people on MN always say to pit headphones in if you don't want bothering. He probably came close, saw the HPs, and thought best leave it.

Maybe he came up to your carriage to chat but saw you were asleep/doing your own thing so didn't want to disturb. YABU.

And yeah he may have thought I was asleep at first but he would have seen me have a drink etc

If he'd seen you do that maybe he would have spoken. I'd assume he'd either fallen asleep himself or was engrossed in his phone/book/laptop

If we take the usual MN position that a bit weird = neurodiverse, it makes perfect sense without any creepiness whatsoever;

ND man knows a colleague is travelling in a different carriage. He thinks it might be rude to ignore her just because the seats have been issued in different carriages - maybe she'd prefer company? He makes his way into her carriage, but sees she's got her headphones and eyes closed/occasionally having a drink.

Fine, general rules of communication are that if a woman has her headphones on, men are never to disturb them because it means 'I do not want to speak to anybody' (also applies for ND men - DP's one - also partly because the music blocks out the other irritating things involved in travelling, such as people's conversations, children crying, screeching on the rails, awful tannoy systems, changes in pressure, etc, etc).

So he sits down a respectable distance away and on the opposite side so she doesn't open her eyes to find him opposite her and freak out, but if she does indicate that she might wish for conversation, he's there and able to be sociable rather than offend her by still ignoring her existence. He then explains why he was there. Because he isn't trying to hide any ill intent.

All that thought on my hypothetical ND man's part to avoid offending the female colleague. And yet he still has her pissed off and calling him creepy.

Can't win, can he?

Nope you are overthinking. He probably thought you were expected to sit in close proximity for work. If he’s shy he might not have wanted to disturb you.

Why would you feel this behavior is creepy, I think it's thoughtful of him, he obviously thought you were asleep. If anything I think you're strange by your reaction to it, you'll probably be calling him a stalker next.

No you’re a bit strange to not understand and be kind to people who are a bit socially awkward. You sound very neurotypical. (We use that as an insult in our house).

Interesting responses about people think I'm NT and he may not be. He is NT, I have ASD. I don't always read situations correctly and it looks like this is one of those times 😊

It would have raised my brows for sure, OP.
YANBU.

No, you're entitled to find it odd. Don't underestimate yourself.

Would he have known when the stop was coming up?

Maybe there was someone creepy in his carriage