Can't mentally cope with small business

[custardd]

Am I being unreasonable...

I am a small retail business owner and basically I am struggling hugely mentally with any criticism I get. I'm a florist.

95% of my customers are wonderful and love my products but the rare 5% that don't are really impacting me mentally and I just don't know how to get a business head on. I take every criticism so personally I can barely sleep at night with the fear of somebody complaining about the products. The complaints have always been through customers not reading properly within the product description.

This sounds so whingey but I can barely sleep at night as I'm petrified I'm going to lose my business. Times are tough as everyone is aware and i just find myself consumed with fear and doubting my own business that I really am proud of and otherwise confident about. I've spoken to others who have said I need to toughen up but I take everything so personally!

How do others with small businesses cope and get past this mentally?

Did you grow up around anyone who was very critical of you and who threatened or gave you bad consequences of doing things ‘wrong’?

Just wonder if the criticism is triggering you back to childhood because it’s looming so large in your mind - when feelings feel very ‘global’ or huge it can be a clue that it’s some childhood issue coming up.

I think ‘toughen up’ is all very well but often we actually need to ‘soften up’ - to be compassionate towards what’s going on inside us and listen to it, so we can work through it and resolve it.

That is amazing advice!

I don't think you ever really get to the point where it doesn't affect you, but it does get easier. I've been running my business for eleven years and yesterday I had someone leave a two star review and someone else a three star, neither of them have left any comments or been in touch with me. I have contacted them both and neither has replied. They were so cross with their purchases they felt compelled to leave bad ratings but couldn't be arsed telling anyone why 🤷. One of them was even a repeat customer with the same items ordered each time, so she was obviously pleased the first time round. Several years ago this would have bothered me a lot more than it does now, but it does stil annoy me because that's my livelihood they are damaging.
Keep your chin up and concentrate on the 95% which far outweighs the bad.

I second this @iwritethissittingatthekitchensink I have never seen that so clearly expressed!

I’m like this about my husband’s business!! I feel so anxious all the time that he’s doing to get complaints.

@Iwritethissittinginthekitchensink

Wow you've hit the nail completely on the head.

Had an extremely critical much older sibling who ruined my life.

I've never thought of it like that!! Thank you so much that really makes so much sense..

@DelilahBucket

Our situations sound very similar! 9/10 when people do leave negative reviews they never even reply to my emails either! And the bad reviews I have got have always genuinely been down to customers not reading product descriptions. It's infuriating as whenever I get a bad review I just can't see anything other than that review - despite it being solely down to not reading.

It's sad but I completely ignore the 95% of good reviews I get. I just feel relief when I see them but then go back to dwelling on 5% of negativity.

@Summerhillsquare

Genuinely blown my mind how accurate that is!

If you're making a living that's the only review you need at the end of the day.

Ah cool, glad it’s unlocked something.

Have a look at Pete Walker’s steps to manage emotional flashbacks. You might not be feeling it as extreme as his advice warrants, but the gist of these steps might help you calm your mind. www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm

His first step is to recognise it’s a flashback which is the hardest step when you’re in the grip of the big feelings, but the more self-aware you are the easier and quicker it is to recognise what’s happening in your mind.

Something to work on, I need to as well.

You know what they used to say, you can please some of the people all of the time OR all the people some of the time!

It's sad but I completely ignore the 95% of good reviews I get. I just feel relief when I see them but then go back to dwelling on 5% of negativity.

It is sad, but go easy on yourself about that too. It’s negativity bias - we’re hard wired to focus more on problems in life than the good stuff. It’s a survival mechanism that’s kept the human race alive!

I too run a small retail business and don’t take criticism very well. It knocks me sideways despite the majority of feedback being very positive.
Retail theory would suggest that criticism is a good thing as we can then take it on board and improve. However not all criticism is constructive and some customers are just being plain arsey.
I try and look at the bigger picture (we’re not in a life or death situation) and accept that you can’t please everyone all of the time. Don’t worry about toughening up - I bet you get lots of lovely reviews just as you are. Concentrate on those 😊

Oh yes, you can give the same amazing service/product to everyone, and there's always a percentage who say it's shit.

OP, without being nosy (ahem)- how are your accounts/books looking? If 95% of your clients are satisfied... you could be on a winner there. Keep doing whatever you're doing and ignore the 5% you can (hopefully) afford to lose.

Best of luck!!

It’s only natural to take things personally. Just remember those people won’t become repeat customers so won’t be paying your mortgage or buying your kids school shoes x

A good way of viewing it is that you can't please everyone. Whoever you are or whatever you do, there will always a couple of people ready to put the boot in! Very often those people will be the ones you went the extra mile for as well.

For years, I organised staff events and Christmas parties. I'd pull together a list of suggestions of venues from everyone and ask them all to vote on what they wanted. We'd then go with whatever got the most votes and I'd still get people moaning! I hate getting things wrong so took it personally at the start but then realised that certain people like Brenda on Reception and Colin in Finance spent their life moaning!

If 95% of your comments are positive then I'd say you're doing a bloody great job! Focus on what is going right rather than what's not.

So much excellent advice and comments here - I can't thank you enough. I honestly felt ready to give it up because of how it's impacting me!

I do try and please EVERYONE too which is in fact so unrealistic. I just feel that if one person doesn't like my products then everyone doesn't!

I just get one bad comment and I spiral and panic until I get to a stage where I just feel like I have a mini breakdown!

Thank you so much everyone ♥️♥️

My friend has a fabulous restaurant, amazing chef. They've had a one star review for things like

I didn't like the carpet
Turned up on spec but they were fully booked
I didn't like the people at the next table.
The chips weren't like the ones from my local chippy
The burger was different from the McDonald's ones
It was raining outside.

Honestly some reviews are so daft. Try not to dwell on them

First answer nailed it

@justasking111

Some people just baffle me!

It's the same all over. Even Mumsnet 😂😂

Assuming it's out of 5, does 3 stars really count as a bad rating? It depends on the context, because there are some places where anything less than five stars means "they murdered my grandmother", but I'd generally think of 3/5 as meaning it was fine. Not outstanding or better than average, but acceptable. It certainly wouldn't mean I was "so cross".

I run an online shop and totally get what you mean. When I get a message in to my shop the top line is visible when the message pops up and usually even if it’s a criticism people are nice but I can just tell when a ‘but’ is coming. I also notice that people seem to chance it a lot more than they would with a big company as they just wouldn’t get away with it. I enter the tracking code when I post orders out and an order this week was marked as delivered by Royal Mail but the person claimed it had never arrived. As much as I want to trust people, there are people in the world who must just say nothing ever arrives and gets their money back for everything. The fact the tracking was showing it as having definitely being delivered though meant I really didn’t feel like I should be refunding them as I had sent them a picture of their order plus the tracking info. I passed it onto Royal Mail and told her I’d be in touch when they have got back to me. I’m not selling mass quantities of goods either so every refund I issue is coming out my own pocket and it’s me losing money. I was really nice about it but the woman was demanding a refund and being so horrible. For some people you could bend over backwards for them and nothing will ever be good enough. I think as long as you please most people you can just ignore these types 🤦🏼‍♀️

Another small business owner here! If I get a negative review, I try to see if there's anything I could learn from it. Basically it's free advice. Sometimes there's a good point to take on board, like 'I felt that delivery was too slow'. I can do something with this like offer options for delivery or just use a quicker company. Other times it's just nonsense like the customer who got free samples, didn't like any of them so left me a one star review. These kinds are a good opportunity for you to leave a reasoned, well thought out response to address their criticism.

To address the 95% of good feedback, my digital advisor suggested I screen shot some nice reviews and post them in my social media. This has worked really well and given me the chance to enjoy some of them. These were some of my most popular posts.

Are you signed up to Small Business Britain btw? They have a huge range of resources and frequent zoom seminars to help small business. Most of it is free too. I did their content creators zoom today and learned an awful lot to help me grow my business in tough times. Likewise your council might be offering free courses (mine did free digital mentoring one to ones). Some of this 'growth' training might build your confidence about getting through the recession.
Wishing you all the best xx

@BCxx

Totally agree with you! I seriously struggle to believe those ones too!

Its so upsetting to see people trying it on with small businesses when it's common knowledge that it's the small businesses that need the most support.