Mixing families together

[Cakewithtea]

We live close to my DH's family but 3 hours from mine. No DC. When a relative visits me for the weekend (which happens about twice a year), DH is insistent that he also invites his family over so they can spend time together.

His point of view: we're married, our families should be as one. He says our values are different because I don't see it as important that our families socialise together.

My point of view: I don't see my relative often and I want to spend quality time with them. Ideally one on one but that's not always possible. DH sees his family regularly and doesn't understand that this time is precious to me. I look forward to these weekends for months and plan an entire itinerary.

Realistically I know my relative has travelled to see me, not DH's family. If it was so important to see each other, DH's family should travel 3 hours to see my relatives, rather than cutting in on the time I have with my family.

DH says we would spend just Saturday evening with his family, so we would still have Saturday and Sunday daytime. He says I will still spend time with my relative while his family are present but it's never the same. Meanwhile DH regularly gets uninterrupted qualify time with his own family.

If my family lived close by and we saw each other more regularly, I wouldn't really care about my DH's family spending time with my relative.

AIBU?

He’s a weirdo.

No yanbu.

He's being selfish and controlling and a bit odd!

No, yanbu, he is.

I bet he's the type to sit there if you had women friends over too?

YANBU

YANBU. What the fuck is he on about? Of course you should be able to spend time with your family without his lot tagging along. He's being weird and controlling.

Controlling twat.

No, you're not unreasonable. He's being v weird, controlling and intrusive of your time with your family

He's completely out of order.
There's no reason at all for the families to socialise. Quality time matters especially when it is so limited. I feel really outraged on uour behalf. I would absolutely hate this (as would my family members)

DH is very close to his family and says he always imagined marriage as being two families united and spending time together (e.g. our parents becoming best friends). I don't think that's realistic when my family live far away

I know my relative has travelled to see me, not DH's family.

Yes, you are right.

Your husband is being a dick.He sees his family all the time but you can't see yours without a pantomime.

I'd go out every time his family come over.

That's really weird. You should socialise with your DH family, he should socialise with yours, but enforcing that they socialise with each other every single time you see your family member is ridiculous

I don't think that's realistic when my family live far away
Suggest moving to closer to your family as family is so very important.

Well that's just a figment of his imagination.

Whereas, if parents of a couple really hit it off and choose to spend time with each other, that's nice and fine for that family, I think that is pretty unusual.

Of all the couples I know, I can't think of any where the parents spend time together just because their dc have got together. Most get on fine when they are together for the engagement / wedding / dgc's birthdays or Christening etc, but don't need to spend time together other then that.

Your dh is being weird, and imagining things that don't really happen very often.

YANBU