Would you go back to work?

[blackcat26]

Currently on maternity leave with 9 month old dd. From the start she has been quite a clingy, fussy baby with a few health problems. Asthma, allergies, skin issues, quite highly strung in comparison to my two other dc who are primary and senior school age and from another relationship.

I'm due back at work in March and unlike with previous dc I really don't want to go back this time. I've secured dd a nursery place for 3 days but I just don't think she will settle or be happy there. I could be wrong, it might be the making of her but I don't think so. I'm also worried about her health issues - will she get the standard of care she needs? Logically I know she will and they deal with allergy kids all the time but in my heart I just want to look after her myself.

I have always worked. I don't have a 'career' and it's not a skilled job. It's a job that I could be replaced in easily. Dh earns 50k plus in comparison to my 15k and we have some savings so financially we would be ok but I wouldn't feel happy not working forever. I would eventually have to go back. When she starts pre school or actual school I guess.

I'm planning on giving it a trial run but if it becomes too much or dd is too unsettled at childcare I am thinking about just quitting. I feel guilty even considering it because I have never not worked, I also feel guilty thinking about stretching myself too thin for my baby and other dc over a job I don't give a shit about.

I suppose I just wondered about other peoples experiences. I had genuinely always planned on going back but it's just the type of baby she is and the way I feel now...I couldn't have predicted it. Has this happened to anyone else? I was thinking of anything I could do from home that might help too. Any ideas?

It makes me sad to read your description of her as a fussy clingy baby. She is a poorly baby who wants her mum for comfort. Nothing fussy about that.

I haven't gone back. I will work again when she is 4/5. My husband is paying into a pension for me during this time. No regrets.

Oh come on. I wasn't slagging her off or complaining about her. I am stating she is different in nature to my other dc who were very relaxed and independent. They would happily go into new situations or to new people (such as going to childcare) which made it easy to send them there. On the other hand my dd only seems to want me. I'm not complaining about that but it does make it harder to consider going back to work - the topic of this thread!

The difference is I have never felt reluctant to go back to work before. Previously I actually looked forward to it. Granted my elder two are lots older and my workplace has changed (not for the better) in that time so maybe that does play a part. What I'm trying to say is I've never had the desire to be a SAHM but I just feel like leaving this baby is going to be much harder on both of us.

Sadly children cost money, and money doesn't grow on trees, we have to earn it. You can't check out of being an adult and expect someone else to pay your way. Baby will be fine, may hate it at first but will have to adapt.

Lol. Of her husband is earning enough money to afford for her to stay off, i think she woukd be mad to go back.

If your husband's happy to support you staying off, there is no issue OP.

I wonder if people would be so supportive of OP given up work if she had to be reliant on universal credit than the privilege of a shitbton of savings? I suspect not.

How much are you going to have to dip into those savings? How much would you clear net if you went back, after childcare? If you're on £15k annually presumably you're min wage or close to it and less than FT.

If you don't have a career to think of, I understand the impulse, but I do think £50k won't go that far to support 5 people and this is not a point in time at which I'd want to start eating up a savings pot. (What is that lump sum doing now? Are you holding it in cash?)

It's only December. March is a while away and you may feel differently.

Don't talk yourself out of returning just yet.

So what? Thats not her situation.

And anyway, whether its UC or a subsidised nursery place, theres very few people not raking off the state in one way or another.

I had the same kinda baby. 3 years old now and I've never gone back to work. The progress they've made is utterly incredible. I don't think they would've progressed so much had I gone back to work and they didn't receive undivided attention and support from me.

Although they're now at nursery 5 mornings a week and are thriving. But I knew that they would never settle at a younger age.

You are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position by not working. £50k is not a high salary to support a family of 5 and your husband would have very limited obligation to provide for your other two children were you to split up.

As an aside, how are you only earning £15k in a full time role? I thought the NLW was about £20k per year?

It's not full time hours but I work over 5 days. Condensing isn't an option due to boss.

Appreciate the helpful comments it's given me lots to think about.

£50k is a good salary but to support 5 people… tight.
What would you do about pensions/NI contributions etc if you didn’t go back?

Of course it isn't the baby's fault, she's a baby. She isn't to blame for whatever the op does either wsy 😕

My children are grown up, I took maternity leave and went back to work both times when they were 7 months old. I managed to continue breastfeeding, they were cared for whilst I was working, I'm now much further on in my career than I would have been had I given up work or even taken a couple of years out. Do I regret it? No.
Would I have jumped at the chance of spending some of those early years at home and accept that I wouldn't be where I am now, if I'd had a supportive partner like yours who'd support a break? Fuck yes, I'd have loved that and loved my partner for such a gift. If you and he agree, do it. Life's short, this sounds like it might be your last baby (?), so dump the guilt and enjoy.