To be constantly worried if I’m a good mum

[GinaDeee]

It’s the end of the month and I haven’t took my DS to any play centres/groups this week, also trying to be careful before Christmas. I feel guilt when he watches TV, guilt when I pick my daughter up from school and feel I haven’t done enough with her as I am busy doing tea etc. shouldn’t I just be enjoying it? Does anybody else feel this? I feel like I’m not as good as I was when I had one child too.

If you are worrying that you are a good Mum then rest assured you are a good Mum! Kids just need the basics - food, clothes, a warm home and most importantly love. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job - sometimes kids just want to chill and unwind at home. Please be kind to yourself - us Mummy’s have a hard job as it is

There aren’t good mums and bad mums. There are mums that do their best. That’s it.

I do try my best and I suppose that is all I can do. It keeps me up at night thinking of things I could have handled better in the day. I get frustrated if I can’t get my jobs done because I would love to sit and play constantly.

Does anybody else feel since having a second child they aren’t as good as they was?

Absolutely, your time is split more ways. They have each other though. Sometimes I think it’s good if you are less focused on them too.
If you are up worrying though maybe you do need to pause, and read a couple books or draw with crayons, for a bit. It doesn’t have to be big things like messy paint or soft play. I used to have 3 envelopes with some things outside (park, walk, feed ducks, corner shop etc), some things inside (play with duplo, farm, wooden blocks) and chores (polish, sort fridge, organise clothes) and on long days I would do one lucky dip from each.

I'm worried you're missing the good because you're seeing the bad.

Do you have fun with them, do they know you love them, are they (mostly) safe, warm and fed? You don't have to be an Insta-ready super mum. Just a nice, loving mum who does her best.

I'm definitely worse than you and my kid is great!

Thanks so much ladies, you’re right, I love them and would do anything for them and that is all that matters, so what if we have had a few lazy days.

I feel bad if I nip to the loo and go on my phone when DS is watching TV, today I went downstairs and we built a huge train set so that I felt better.

I can so relate OP. I love the lucky dip idea, that’s great!

I’m sure the kids are absolutely fine Op. I have a friend who only has one child and she is constantly trying to manage her daughters time so she’s not on her own. Play dates almost every day of the week, sleepovers, expensive day trips, holidays abroad etc etc. She keeps saying she doesn’t want her to feel alone just cause she’s an only child. My daughter chimed in one time and went “but when does she just chill, doing her own thing, enjoying her own company?” I said nothing, I think it’s important for kids to learn to entertain themselves. They need to be comfortable with their own company. Also, how do they understand to value the good times if they’re never bored?

I feel like this a lot and even though my youngest is now 2 I feel bad on my older DC that I can’t give her my sole attention all the time and worry that any issues or struggles are down to me and feel immensely guilty.

My older DD got fresh home cooked food and baby classes and my undivided attention.

My second DD (toddler) spends her mornings emptying my kitchen cupboards while I do housework and eating cheerios straight out the packet.

They both seem happy so I figure it’s probably going to work out ok in the end.

Be kind to yourself and if you feel really bad, at least you can tell yourself your child isn’t trying to drink cider vinegar (as mine did this afternoon during a rummage through aforementioned kitchen cupboards).

If your child is warm, safe and loved then he has everything, and the fact that you are worrying about it just tells me that you're a great mum. It doesn't do children any harm if they don't get constant attention from adults.