AIBU to be angry?

[JustAnAngryPenguin]

My eldest sons birthday today. He's seven.

I tried to make a big effort because we don't live anywhere near my family only by MIL and don't have any friends with kids.

Now this is where I'm annoyed by a few different things am I being unreasonable?

• SIL didn't even so much as text to say happy birthday to my son. She's not said a word. I always make an effort for my niece, send a card and a gift and make sure we ring her on the day. It's really upset me as we don't talk to Hs other sister as she knows this, my son also idolises her and was upset she hasn't made an effort.

• my sons school - I brought in a cake for him to share on his birthday. All the kids do this. I made sure it was an allergy free cake. I checked all the ingredients.

I gave it to them first thing so they had all day to check. I went to pick him up and they refused to give the cake out!! Saying they needed to check it was allergy free. My son was devastated, but the teacher just basically ignored him and me when I said it was allergy free. All the other children always get to give their cake out on their birthdays.

• and the 3rd one... H sat in another room with one of his friends this evening instead of with our son.

AIBU to be fucking furious?! I literally told him in a hushed wispher away from DS I was going to walk out tomorrow with the kids if he didn't sort it out. He made the effort for ten minutes and then went back to his friend.

AIBU to think what the fuck?! I am so angry. DS7 did have a good birthday as I made the effort and he's happy but still.

All that really matters us that your son is happy. I can understand that school would be reluctant to hand out homemade cake they only have your word there was no cross contamination.

It wasn't homemade. It was shop brought in a box with the ingredients written on it.

Ok not sure, I’m my family we don’t all make a massive deal of everyone’s kids birthdays. There loads of kids and everyone is busy so from my sister or wider family they would usually just give them a present and say happy birthday next time we see them!
I’m my kids school parents usually send in a big bag of haribo packs or similar to hand out on birthdays which is way less complicated than cake. Does the teacher have to cut the cake or have you already done that?

I can see why your are annoyed at dh though, I would expect him to be available for family time on a dcs birthday.

Wow, father of the year there! Is he normally so shit?

DH is the biggest problem.

Everyone else is not really relevant.

Did you have cake pre cut and individually wrapped for them to give out?

I can see why you’re a bit miffed OP but as a PP said I think different families view birthdays differently and put more emphasis on them. If SIL isn’t reciprocating the effort you make it’s a bit mean but nothing you can do.
I wouldn’t be happy with school if other children’s cake has been given out. Could you try again tomorrow with it? I know it’s a day late but it might be worth seeing if it was just a busy day today or there’s more to it.
Glad your son still had a lovely day. Happy birthday to him 🎉

did you SIL maybe have something going on today or maybe just a bit stressed about other things etc? Not that it’s a good excuse but there might be a reason.

In terms of school - as a teacher I would have to go and check the ingredients and make sure there actually was no allergies. Just because you thought there was none, doesn’t mean there aren’t odd little bits that she still needs to check.
I can understand why you’re not happy about it though - especially if others hand theirs out. Was there something different about yours? Does it need to be cut and shared or something?

your husband - is he always like this?

Cake was pre cut in enough for kids and teacher/TAs.

Husband has always been a bit shit. He leaves most of the kids stuff to me, he will happily look after them or do school runs but actual doing things like days out or birthdays/events he's just bloody useless. It makes me angry for DS7 as he wanted to be centre of attention today and H just couldn't give up a few hours of his time!

SIL I guess I can understand maybe she was busy or just forgot, but I bet you anything when it's her birthday next week I'll be told by MIL it's her birthday don't forget to send her a text.

I would either message sil and remind/ ask her to call, or tell my son that she is poorly but sends allll her love.

I would have grabbed the cake and said to my son 'oh goodie, more for us!'.

I would have said to my wanky husbands friend 'it is time to leave, it is our sons birthday and we're having family time now'
If your wanky husband was inevitably wanky about it, I'd have told him the same thing and asked him to leave too.

Cake annoying but not the end of the world. Re SIL, only you know your family dynamics but I barely ever remember my I nieces and nephews birthdays and I love all of them. So complete non- event from my perspective.
Your DH was a twat. He shouldn’t have arranged to see a friend on your son’s birthday

Oh, that seems odd thrm if they usually hand them out.