To prefer looking after toddler to working

[Chiarax]

I feel so alone in this. I miss my daughter so much during the day. Working day feels so long and I'm sitting in a room on my own all day.
Can anyone relate ? Everyone else seems to love work.
I keep just looking forward to my days off. It's not an option sadly to not work as I am the main earner.
Just want to know if anyone feels the same as I've noone to talk to about this

Can you go part time or compressed hours?

I am already doing compressed hours. 4 days a week.

Just to say Im not looking for a solution
Just venting and hoping there are other like me as I haven't found any as yet

I can't sympathise I'm afraid as I'm finding toddlerhood particularly challenging, but I take my hat off to you for enjoying it, I bet you're a really excellent mum and that your little girl loves the time she spends with you.

Of course it’s fine! It’s how you feel. I’m sure you still do your job properly, and it’s nice for your Dd to know you love spending time with her- I’m sure it comes across!

If you’re alone all day at work I can well imagine it’s miserable. Can you do something else so you work in an environment with colleagues around you?

How long have you been back at work OP? I’ve got a 14 month old and been fortunate enough to choose not to go back to work for now. I have days where I absolutely love it and I feel like I’m acing being a parent but I also have days where I am counting down the hours until I can put the little sod in bed 😅. Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder when it comes to toddlers.

However, I know I’d feel the same as you if I went back and you’re doing compressed hours so no wonder your days feel so long. What does your DP/DH do? Any possibility of a promotion or similar to take some financial pressure off you?

Of course its normal to feel that way. Everyone feels differently about leaving small kids and work

One thing that may help is if I tell you...your children will need you and your time long ahead for many years. When mine were toddlers i thought being there for them was an urgent thing while they were small

Now they are 8 and 10 I actually find it much harder to get any sort of childcare and they really want me to collect them from school when I can. So by working now hopefully you will keep flexible options open for later

The thing i loved about work when I had a toddler was adult company so your situation does sound different and difficult

You’re not alone. I’m still on maternity leave but the thought of leaving my baby to go back to work makes me want to cry! I have a good and really interesting job but I much prefer being with my baby and know i’ll feel exactly the same as you even when he’s a toddler. I’m constantly mulling over every option for not going back/reducing hours/how to earn more and work less in my head but ultimately I’ll have to go back and it’s rubbish!

You are not alone! I miss my 16mo so much. I have only been back a few months so hoping I can adjust but I so wish we could afford for me to stay at home with her while she’s so young. I am only part time but it’s still a real wrench leaving her and being apart! The adult company is ok but she’s still more fun to be with!

I have lots of sympathy but I do also think there's some grass is greener to this potentially. I also work compressed hours four days a week and I do really look forward to my non-working day and spending the time with my toddler and having the time around school with my four year old. But I think actually feeling like this is a sign the balance is about right for me - though I don't feel sad on the other days, I just prefer Fridays. I very much did not cherish every day like this when I was on mat leave, or indeed during the first lockdown when I spent all day every day with toddler DS1. If I gave up work I don't think I'd feel like I do on a Friday every day of the week.

Agree with all of this, I find work a break from looking after a toddler, it's so so hard!

I also find work a break from toddlerhood. On my work days I whistfully wish I was on a nice day out with her though. I just want whatever I haven't got

Of course you're not . You sound lovely.

I work 9 hours a week over three mornings and I'm always so pathetically delighted/excited to be away from my youngest! I work alone and have always loved my work. I'd miss them desperately if I were working full days though so I do feel for you.

This is me 100%, lots of people seem to love their jobs but I have always wanted children and would love to be a SAHM. I count down the days to my days off work when I can cook, clean, play with the kids. I just enjoy it so much more

I feel for you as the best thing about work for me is seeing my colleagues. Mine are 18 & 14 now and I went back full time after DS and then 4 days (not compressed) after DD. For me being a SAHM wouldn’t have been my first preference but I’d have liked to have done 3 days. I really enjoyed my day at home with DD midweek until she went to school. I’m also glad I didn’t give up my career as my pension has already taken a battering being part time without having a career break. I’m very independent too so financially I couldn’t have done it. But if it’s what you want, see if you can work it out to drop some hours. They grow up fast, DS is at Uni now and has his first girlfriend - rarely hear from him! Haha

I’m a teacher and have an 18 month old. Everyone used to always say after mat leave ‘oh you’ll be glad to get back for a break’. No way! I have a very easy toddler who sleeps lots and is only one human, whereas at work I have 30 of them and not only do I have to be in control of them all day, I also have to educate them. Being a mum now has really flipped how I feel about my work. I would far rather be at home with my little one

YANBU. I do the same hours as you (5 in 4) and adore my day with my two year old. I'm going on mat leave again soon and will love having more time with him. It's exhausting (while pregnant at least) and I wouldn't want to be a SAHP FT but I live for my days with him.

Thank you all so much for replies so helpful.
I think in part it's due to having a lovely group of mums I met in toddler groups that I hang out with on my day off. My job since COVID is sadly not v social but it is flexible so I wouldn't leave without knowing the job I was going to was also flexible! Also I work with (mostly virtually) a team of v dedicated passionate people (doctors) who I admire greatly but I just don't have the same drive and motivation. I absolutely love just going for walks and having little coffee dates with my little one.

YANBU, I loved being with my toddler so much, couldn't wait for my non-work days, wished I could have been a stay at home mum.

I loved the time I spent at home with my children - every second of it. Going back to work was a wrench. So I can relate to your feelings. Bringing up your children is the most important job you will ever do.

I felt like that, then the little git turned four and Christ almighty, work is like a holiday in the Maldives.