To not want dm at my house this Christmas?

[FlamingNancy]

I know everyone would likely say she won’t be here forever and I get that, but she is driving me mad.

She lived with me and dc for 5 years and pretty much took over my life, my friends stopped coming round as she was always there, dc rarely had friends over, I could never really have a personal relationship because who really wants to come over and DTD with the other persons mother downstairs or even just to have a meal and relax on the sofa?

Anyway she moved out at the beginning of the year and is living with my aunt, but is constantly turning up unannounced most weekends when it’s mine and dcs time to relax and just sits there doing nothing much.

I am also moving next week and would like to have Xmas in my new home with just my dc, I’ve just spoken to her and said this and she’s got all offended when I suggested that she go to her parents this year, Nan is quite sick so could well be her last Xmas and she will have all of her siblings there too, as most of my cousins all have families of their own so tend to spend the day with them.

Don’t get me wrong I do love spending time with her as do my dc, but she can sometimes be too much and really is no help in the house and takes over moaning if the dc want to make a bit of noise or if I don’t want to watch a film that is 80 years old and when I was with my exdp, dcs dad we just wanted it for ourselves and it’s like we were never allowed.

I really don’t know what else to say or do.

Just stick to your guns op, can you speak to any of your mother's siblings and get them to encourage her to go to her mum's at Christmas?

Just don't revisit the subject, you've told her so just go with it and literally pull the front curtains and don't answer the door on Xmas day, and go out for a big long walk too just in case she tries to come over. She sounds massively over bearing.

I can’t not revisit it, as she will then just assume that there’s nothing more to be said and assume all is going ahead.

Likewise I can’t sit in my house curtains closed and leave her standing on my doorstep, she isn’t a horrible awful mother just a bit lonely and definitely too used to being with me.

Here’s the thing: what you allow will continue. Without consequences, boundaries are merely suggestions.

If/when she asks again, “I already told you. Just the kids and I this year.” And when she pushes? “I’m not asking for permission. I told you what’s been decided.”

There’s no argument to be had. Your home, your kids. Your holiday.

If she turns up, DO leave her on the steps! Otherwise, why would she ever listen to your no? Turning up would be a massive disrespect to you! Don’t reward that by letting her in!

Boundaries make for healthy relationships. Those that protest against them benefit from your not having any.