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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Additional health visitors ?

17 replies

Rooree2609 · 24/11/2022 11:49

Would I be right to think our health visitor is visiting excessively and would it be wrong to ask why and to decline ?

Basically I had 3rd DC 6 weeks ago
And for background he was 4 weeks early and did end up in NICU with respiratory distress

This actually resolved fairly quickly but there was a catalogue of errors with his care and despite me explaining my previous children have had ABO incompatibility leading to severe jaundice they read his numbers wrong and by the time he was over the RSD he had severe jaundice

Because of these issues they refused to let me feed him for several days insisting he was tube fed ( they then gave him the wrong amount for gestation and weight )
So by day 5 poor bub had lost 12.5 percent of his weight

On day 5 a new ped came in and freaked at his weight loss demanding to know if my supply was a issue
Despite explaining day 5 was actually his first day fully feeding this ped seemed to have a huge issue with the fact I was tandem feeding my toddler etc and seemed to be determined it was feeding issue rather than a rough start issue

Thankfully on day 6 he had made a gain and a different doc agreed his weight loss was nothing to do with feeding, she was happy I was a experienced feeder and despite the weight loss we got discharged

Midwife weighed him again and he had made a gain and we got signed off to HV

By the time hv came out we had been home a week and he gained over a pound in that week

However again I was questioned around feeding , tandem feeding

For more background I've been breastfeeding everyday for 6 years, my eldest fed to almost 5 , my 20 month old is the one who is tandem feeding with my youngest
It's my second time tandem feeding and I have a oversupply
Very confident in what I'm doing

She came back again the next week and again he had gained 600g so over a pound

She was on holiday the next week but wanted to send someone else but we declined and said we where happy
Yet her first day back her holiday she turned up unannounced to weigh him ( again he'd had a big weight gain he's way over birth weight and above 75th centile )

This week she turns up again unannounced just as I was trying to get out with kids, I assumed it was 6 week check but she said no she would just weigh him and do 6 week check at 8 weeks
I explained we would be on holiday at 8 weeks so if she could just do it now as he's doing brilliant and be good if she could tick it off but no she refused and is now back again next week

I've had to cancel 20 months old swimming to fit her in

So basically in 5 weeks we've been home she's been out 4 times despite chunky weight gains
And no one explaining any concerns

One thing I did find was in my notes it was noted that he had large weight loss in NICU because my toddler was taking the calorific milk
Apparently the lactation team made this note despite never meeting us and clearly this isn't the case
( All of this mis info will form part of larger complaint )

So yeah back to my question is 4 visits in 5 weeks excessive and should I ask why ? Do I assume they are still worried about his weight despite his big gains ?

Getting a bit fed up with having to fit it in when he's fine

OP posts:
stopbeeping · 24/11/2022 11:52

You're within your rights to cancel, so cancel and go swimming
Tell her when you're available? Don't let her tell you when you need to be.

Secondly I would call and cancel the HV and say no further visits other than six weeks. Ask them if they have concerns they haven't voiced to you?

I was hounded after my first and told them to leave me be.

BungleandGeorge · 24/11/2022 11:56

Do they have a weighing clinic that you can get baby weighed at your convenience? I don’t think that weekly weighing for a few weeks is overkill after a large loss but they wouldn’t usually come out to you

FlounderingFruitcake · 24/11/2022 11:59

Cancel, go swimming, take baby to the weigh clinic instead.

fairgame84 · 24/11/2022 12:05

They aren't normally interested in weighing babies so I wonder if nicu have told her he needs weighing weekly for x amount of weeks.
My hv has been out 3 times in 5 weeks but that's because feeding has been difficult and she was worried about my mental health. Otherwise I would have only seen her at 10 days and then she comes again at 7 weeks.

BryceQuinlan · 24/11/2022 12:07

This is an optional service, no need for you to entertain any visits unless you have concerns/desire to see the HV.

Rooree2609 · 24/11/2022 12:31

Unfortunately our area did away with weigh in clinics so usually the HV just does the development checks

I did think the NICU maybe said to do additional checks but the doctor who discharged us told it just be a midwife sign off and then passed to HV as usual when I asked if he would be followed up
So I will be rather annoyed about lack of transparency if that is the case

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 24/11/2022 12:50

I had that many visits with my 6 week
Prem baby.

They stopped after the 6 week check.

Most HVs and HPs have no experience of long term or tandemBreastfeeding so some of it will be to do with that.

mindutopia · 24/11/2022 12:59

I would say that's quite typical with a baby who had a bit of a rough start. One of mine was not prem, but had a lot of feeding and weight gain issues. I think we saw the HV at least weekly, sometimes more, plus the midwife weekly until she was 28 days and finally discharged from the midwife team. But I wouldn't accept just showing up unannounced and I wouldn't change your plans to accommodate her. She needs to arrange an appointment as not everyone is just sitting at home watching tv and eating biscuits with a new baby.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 24/11/2022 13:03

I think i had roughly that amount of visits in the first 6 weeks - no issues with my baby, my area just has a fabulous HV service!

I'm in Scotland so not sure if the rest of the UK has a red book, but if you do, it should tell you how many checks to expect in the first year. You can have a look and see if these visits are a standard visiting schedule

BatshitBanshee · 24/11/2022 13:21

Can you be upfront with her and ask how many visits she's planning on? I'd say it's becoming disruptive to family life at this stage. Yes baby had had a rough start but he is thriving and you're confident - and it's your third!!!! Cancel the next one, go swimming and ask for anymore she plans on doing. I found my HV visits so f'ing annoying. And my DD had a traumatic start too - but between hospital checks, baby clinics, physio, and the HV I was hounded.

Lifelessordinary1 · 24/11/2022 13:23

All health services are voluntary so just say no.

Hugasauras · 24/11/2022 13:25

I don't think it's excessive for a baby who's had a rough start. Some people will really need that support, so it's good that it's available. If you don't, maybe just say? Can't you just say it's not convenient for her to come at that time and maybe postpone it?

Toddlerteaplease · 24/11/2022 13:32

I don't know much about tandem feeding, but is the concern about the nutrients that the new born is getting. As it will be more tailored to the toddler? Will baby have been getting colostrum?

Rooree2609 · 24/11/2022 13:57

@Toddlerteaplease with tandem feeding the milk actually changes to cater to the newborn

So for example prior to my new baby is was white and quite thin

When he was born it changed to colostrum and then it became thick and creamy and I became engorged etc they way I did with my previous babies

My toddler has went back to having breastfed type poos etc so it's quite amazing really

But in my area breastfeeding rates are low so not alot of knowledge about tandem feeding so what they thought is that toddler would drain the high calorie milk and not leave enough for new baby

OP posts:
Rooree2609 · 24/11/2022 13:59

@Hugasauras I did tell her it wasn't suitable
So she then suggested another day which was my son's nativity play so that was a no

Suggested coming the morning we are going on holiday

It felt like she would not take no for a answer so I ended up agreeing to the most suitable time out of a array of unsuitable times

OP posts:
Rooree2609 · 24/11/2022 14:01

@StressedToTheMaxxx we have a red book so il check that

Just he's my 3rd and eldest two didn't have so many visits

2nd was during covid though so maybe it is standard in our area now

@mindutopia time to sit and eat tea and biscuits would be so lovely haha but yes exactly as nice as HV seems it's just getting challenging to fit in these visits

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 24/11/2022 14:03

@Rooree2609 that is amAzing

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