AIBU to think my brother in law is like something off single white female??!

[Bievblac]

So this all started the moment I met my partner. His older brother as a massive drink problem which the family ignore. They are all about image so everything is covered up, including affairs, drug misuse, unhappy marriages. Mine are the opposite- a complete mess but everything is open.
My BIL has hated me from the beginning. I was a hard working single mum with my own financial means and he assumed I was after my partner for financial reasons. He openly excludes me from things, threatens my partner that he won’t be invited to things if he carries on the relationship. This is going to make me sound weird but even updates his profile picture with a partner who openly cheats on him every time my partner puts a post up 😬

there are so many other things I could list but it came to ahead a few months ago. He basically did a speech in front of family gushing about me when 5 minutes before he’d spoken to me like utter shit. I am due to get married in two weeks but it’s putting me off going through with things as my partner is too frightened to upset his big bro even though he recognises he needs help.

oh and every time we go on a date… he calls us at least 20 times!!! Help!!!

I think this is what I need to do. Any suggestions on what to say? I find it difficult- he’s defiantly more distant with his brother than when we first met but it’s hard because it’s he’s there abusing me in some way every few weeks… either by text, call

Not even married and mentioning divorce isn’t a great sign!

If it is like this now it is probably going to get worse and harder to deal with over time. How do you feel about going through this for another 10, 20, 30,40 years?

Well if you have to plan it so much... I'm more of a thow toys out of pram kind of person myself. Say your bils behaviour unsettles you and you need to know he'll put you and the baby first. You don't want to go nc with his family but you need to know his loyalty is 100% with you now, its time for a new stage in his life.
op this might sound old fashioned but I got huge pre wedding nerves a week before my wedding. None were justified,or not for the reasons I thought - marriage isn't always easy. But you need to know he's there for you and the focus on bil can decrease as your life together begins for real.
Bil might get back in his box once you're "in".
But i'd have that chat about his family if I were you.