My mum is nearly 80 and has become very frail since my stepdad passed away last year. She is very hard to communicate with, has always been extremely pessimistic and self absorbed and constantly says "What?" after I've tried to say something to her. She's incapable of looking after herself now and we are desperate for a live in carer to start next week. Thank goodness!
There is some history here regarding my sister. My biological father was abusive and violent towards me as a child and finally wrote me out of his will after my mum made me cease all contact with him. My mum did not very much to protect me from the violence and there was enough evidence to prosecute him. I lost patches of my hair from age 4 with the shock and I've continuously suffered hair loss. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and manage symptoms as best I can.
My sister inherited all the money from my father whilst knowing how I had been treated. She did not consider giving me part of the money. My mum stayed out of the situation. I still see this as a deep injustice and deep down, I have zero trust for either of them. My sister hasn't bothered to spend much time with mum over the last twenty years except when she can get a few freebies or free babysitting out of my mum and stepdad. Not my circus or monkeys however.
As my mum is now needing POA (she has no idea what she is doing with her finances at all), I have decided to stay out of it and give all responsibility to my sister. She is an accountant so let her do the numbers.
However..... she's hardly contactable, seems to take forever to organise anything for mum, isn't always responsive to urgent questions and is full of big talk about getting things done for mum and nothing manifests. In the time she's talked up bringing her husband over to fix a gate, I've redecorated a room for a live in carer, arranged social interaction for mum, supervised a bathroom adaptation (so she can wash again, she wasn't) and purchased items to support her. I estimate if I'd charged for the activities I've done, it would be about £6,000. Oh and I've fixed the gate.
Today I have emailed her a record of all receipts, transactions and activities carried out. I have also registered myself as an official carer with mum's GP so that my time and contributions are formally acknowledged.
AIBU to ask my sister to start taking over a bit more now? Apart from the odd supermarket online order, not much is being done on her side. I am frazzled and have literally put my life on hold to make sure mum is safe.