People insisting on buying you xmas gifts

[cofingalthetime]

I'm thinking of my dd's b-friend. He already gave me a gift for my birthday, which while "sweet" was embarrassing, as I didn't get him anything..!

Now he's saying he is buying me and my ds presents, plus my dd of course, and she HAS to buy all his family, parents, sister, sister's b=friend, grandparents presents too.

I said to dd to tell him she is in college and doesnt have a job and who does he think will be buying all this stuff - i.e.. ME And I don't want anything from him. I was thinking of maybe getting him a pair of socks, but tbh I hardly have enough for dd and ds without subsidising dd to buy gifts for his whole family, and have to buy him something from me and ds too. I really want to say it to him, but of course dd won't let me. Meanwhile she's subtly asking me for money all the time. And I know it's so she can buy all these presents.

Tell her you don't give to receive, and that while you don't mind her buying her friend a present you can't afford his whole family and he's being unreasonable. I bet most of his family hasn't got a clue who she is!

sorry it's her boyfriend's family.
They bought her masses of presents for her birthday too. I was so embarrassed as I had just given him a card - a week late😅

They sound like generous people, but you don't give to receive. She needs to explain she just doesn't have the money to give everyone a present and they shouldn't feel any pressure to buy her one either.

If she's likely to visit over xmas could she afford a tin biscuits or tub of chocolates - they would be inexpensive and something everyone can have part of.

Are you sure it's not drug money?

I'd maybe offer to buy a tin of biscuits for the main family. Anythinf else she buys with her own money.

No direct experience of this, but I would assume that if you are a couple, you buy 'joint presents' for family.

So presents would come from your 'DD and boyf'

Rather than then both buying separate presents.

They should have a present each though, even if it's a token gesture.

If they want to buy each others family it should be joint gifts, they buy their own families as they'd normally do and add the other name, ie if she normally spends £20 on you that should be from them both.

Maybe just grab the bull by the horns and speak to the boyfriend yourself and explain while it's a lovely thought, finances are tight (for everyone) this year and it would be better to restrict present buying.

I would question what else he wants her to do that she feels she has to do.

I would find it very strange and a bit creepy if he is buying you gifts at what must be quite an early stage in their relationship and even creepier that his family are showering her with gifts on her birthday and him insisting she returns the favour.
Very controlling behaviour from the whole family. Especially the bit where they expect stuff in return.

I must admit to not having had a Christmas Card off either of dd’s long term bf’s