To ask where I'm going wrong?

[falalalalaaaa]

I'd like to make some friends but it just doesn't seem to happen.

Last year I made friends with a mum at DC school. We get on really well and speak otp most days.

She's always suggesting to do stuff, but then when I agree it's never mentioned again.

I wfh a few hours a day but am often free to meet for coffee or a quick walk etc. when I suggest either of these she will often ignore my message. But then carry on texting me about other stuff.

It's very lonely. Apart from a little work, DH and DC are my life.

I'd really love to make some friends and had hoped with DC in school it would be easy. That hasn't been the case. Everyone is already established groups.

I'm not someone other people gravitate towards. I don't know why.

Does anyone have any advice on how to find some buddies when you're a SAHP?

I'm going to stop offering coffee and walks to friend as I think it may be coming across as a bit desperate

There's also another mum who is lovely when we meet but it's always me suggesting we do that.

I'd love for someone else to instigate meeting. I'm getting fed up of putting myself out there tbh

Is there a hobby you could take up? An exercise class, or a choir, or something arty?

How about volunteering? Or join the school PTA?

It's so hard. I'm in same boat, but dont have school age children. I'm coming of sm soon as last night all the girls from work were out for tea and it wasn't mentioned despite working with them all week. I've joined a gym to help the loneliness and boredom

I've met all my new friends through exercise classes and the gym in general. Great places to chat especially women only classes. You need to mask a bit and be a bit more cheery and breezy if you're not already - if you're someone who people don't usually gravitate to.

Thanks for your responses.

@bellalou1234 it's horrid isn't it. I'm sorry you're in the same situation

I've joined the PTA. They are not very friendly sadly. Fine to speak to me briefly about school stuff but that's very much it.

we live in an area with a high proportion of retirees so when I go to exercise classes I'm generally the youngest by a good bit. I don't mind that and when I worked had many older friends, but I'd love to have friends who are at a similar stage of their lives

Ugh I wrote a big response and lost it. Basically I was super anxious about this which led to me being more awkward and more desperate and less appealing as someone to spend time with. I’m in a better phase now! Sounds like you’ve put all your eggs in one basket with this school mum friend? Spread yourself thinner then once you’ve got lots of people to chat to you can get more selective over who you spend your time with.

Volunteering - I do guides, the leaders socialise.
Dog walking - there’s a monthly group walk near me, met some nice people.
Slimmingworld. Weekly group everyone nice. Made friends and go for country walks etc. You don’t need to overweight lots of people there are maintaining/enjoying the social aspect.

I'm going to look at volunteering, and I'll hopefully meet some new people there.

I just feel a bit at a loss tbh. I'm a breezy easygoing person who loves other people.

I'm obviously giving off some type of bad vibes though!

I think it’s just life now op I wouldn’t take it personally. People are used to being in their families and not socialising due to Covid. People especially mums of young dc are busy. Good luck.

PTA is not the best for meeting good friends, in my experience it's the already outgoing/social or pushy parents who are most active (good on them tho, they do a lot for a school). Also I found the same re exercise classes, especially in the daytime. You might have to try some evening classes, hobby/art in the pub/bookclub meetups. It is really tough if you're a quieter type - like me, and I moved around a lot, ended up meeting maybe one good friend per country! Keep strong, it will happen

I hear you so well. I cant make women out to be honest. They complain of any phone contact, give you little notice of potential meetings when you have other things already planned and dont ever respond to texts messages within 24hrs ever which is simply so rude. im totally sick of patronising responses on mumsnet about getting a new hobby or you must be needy - how covert bitchy is that. the temperamental treading on eggshells perpetually pandering to female needs is absolutely exhausting. think ill stick to male friends in future its much easier