Hello everyone,
To briefly summarise, my sister has been in a relationship with a guy now for about 18 months who is dependent on drugs.
When my sister first met him he told her that he only smoked a bit of weed at the weekends.
After a while she realised that it was much more, he lives at home with his mother and she also smokes and seems to be off her face all the time.
He was easily smoking 9+ joints of weed a day and god knows what else when he’s out with friends.
At this point she didn’t end it, he said he’d quit for her.
She fell pregnant a few months later, he hadn’t cut down, but said he would do by the time the baby was here.
My sister is 25+ but still lives at home with us (for various other reasons which I’m in 100% support of) and she went into hospital to have baby.
Her boyfriend came to stay around at our house until there was any reason to go to hospital, that entire day he trapped himself into my sisters bedroom and without a doubt smoked weed all over her and babies stuff. There has never been any 100% proof of this but on our cameras it showed he opened the window for about an hour the next day (which he never ever does), plus he usually smoked every 1.5 hours and never went outside, and there was weird bits in my sisters bed when she looked when she got home.
For the first few weeks after baby being born my sister was on and off with him, he claimed to have cut down a lot but my sister didn’t want baby near any drugs.
She then started letting him see baby every weekend, he agreed not to smoke on weekends.
Recently, She quizzed him on smoking on weekends and long story short,
he does smoke before coming to the house on a Saturday.
Another instance, my sister left him at our house alone with baby when he was about 2 months old for about 30 minutes, long story short he had taken an edible whilst in sole care of baby on the bed with him. Could he not have waited, I see serious problems with this. Edibles can be laced with anything can’t they? What would have happened if he had blacked out or baby had ingested some.
My sister has had multiple fall outs with him about everything but she always go back to him.
Over the last few months he’s been telling my sister he’s on £40, then £30, then £20 of weed a week.
My family know nothing about drugs, but then last week he told my sister a joint costs £2.50 but he smokes 5+ in a day. That means at least £80 a week, so he’s been lying though his teeth this entire time. He has has attended a few rehabilitation sessions every few weeks, but I think he just lies to them aswell, multiple professionals have told my sister he won’t come off the drugs.
He now says he’ll be off my Christmas, but it’s just a load of rubbish.
I’m 20 years old, I have really strong feelings about this situation. It’s pretty much destroyed my relationship with my sister, I can’t forgive her for destroying my little nephews life by keeping a father figure like that.
He doesn’t spend any money on my sister, he won’t even get her a £4 McDonald’s, didn’t buy her anything for giving birth to baby, and only buys her a gift on Christmas or her birthday. He gives £50 a week for baby and absolutely nothing else. He has a full time, well paying, job. would much rather prefer to save money to go on nights out smoking and drinking with friends.
He doesn’t drive, has poor hygiene, stinks of sweat and weed (so bad that he leaves a scent in the house when he’s gone home), wears the same unwashed tracksuit. He doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing either.
I really can’t tell if I’m over reacting to this situation, my sister just seems to ignore the problems now because she knows there’s no fixable solution.
I’m starting to really dislike (would prefer stronger words) her for it, she knows she’s ruining her own and babies life, she knows it stressing out my entire family, but she chooses to continue the relationship. But she goes on about all the time about how she doesn’t want to be with him, I think she’s trapped and doesn’t know how to escape. I must emphasise that she doesn’t agree with what he’s doing, she just doesn’t know how to fix the situation.
My sister is a lovely girl and could do better, she presents herself nicely, has had a nice life so far, but for some reason there’s just this bump in the road and she’s ruining everything.
Now these are her excuses, and my responses, please feel free to add to either side. Most days she agrees with me, but in the days she’s in denial about the situation these are what she says to make herself feel better about it.
- Smoking weed is normal- for some maybe, but what level of life do they have and how much do they take
- He’ll get off it- he’s had over a year and hasn’t made any progress, he doesn’t actually want to do it for himself
- He has to see his son- if he was that desperate to see his son he’d get clean.
4.He’ll take me to court- in what world will he pay for that
5.He loves me- this one annoys me, he can’t love her that much if he’s not prepared to get his life together for her.
- He’ll turn up at the house if I break up with him- then don’t let him in?
Thanks for taking the time to read this, please don’t attack my sister for what’s she is letting happen, I know it’s wrong.
I feel stupid for being so bothered about the situation; but its in the family home, it’s all she talks about and she’s stressed all the time, and I don’t want my nephew to grow up with that influence.
I just need advice, how do I support her when she’s annoying me so much? I’m struggling to carry on speaking to her.