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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My husband’s boss

19 replies

greenjellyfish79 · 23/11/2022 10:56

My husband and his colleagues are all male. Their boss is the only female.

I remember after his interview, he said how weird she was, asking about girlfriends/wife/kids etc. I reassured him she was probably just taking an interest and not to over think it. I think I laughed at him as he was convinced she fancied him. He got the job.

He showed me the messages where he would ask something simple about work and she would reply calling him babe and put kisses at the end of the message. I thought it was weird but just presumed it was a female thing. He spoke to his other colleagues and one admitted to sleeping with her in the past and one is sleeping with her now. It turns out she’s a flirt, not just with my husband, with all of them. Most of the men love it, but my husband does not.

One day he came home from work horrified because she had hugged him to say thank you for his hard work. He said she flirts to get her own way, and if it doesn’t work, she turns into a right b!tch. I trust my husband and I know he’s not interested in her but she’s starting to p!ss me off now.

1 - She bought him a new shirt (not a work shirt, just a normal shirt) just because she thought it would look good on him?
2 - He booked my birthday off so we could do something special together and she spent all morning texting and trying to call him. She was asking him to come to work and said he can spend time with me another day, it didn’t have to be on my actual birthday!
3 - I make my husband a packed lunch every day, but she keeps bringing in food for him, and the others, insisting hers is better.

I thought at first, it was all in my husband’s head, that he wasn’t used to having a female boss but I know this is all off.

OP posts:
PumpkinDart · 23/11/2022 10:57

Oh god what a strange set up. How does your husband feel about it? I'd be really uncomfortable if my boss were behaving that way and I'd probably be approaching HR to discuss.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 23/11/2022 10:57

I'd be going straight to HR with that one

RightBackAtYa · 23/11/2022 11:02

Unwanted attention is horrible. She's more than overstepped , is there an HR department or union ?

CurzonDax · 23/11/2022 11:07

She's sleeping her way through her whole team (or at least trying to)?
How has this not been brought to HR's attention before?

avocadoandchill · 23/11/2022 11:08

Can he go to HR? He has a right to feel comfortable

greenjellyfish79 · 23/11/2022 11:14

Thank you for your replies! It’s good to know I’m not going crazy. My husband is still quite new there and seems to think there isn’t a HR department? I’ve told him to ask again. My only worry is that she’s probably sleeping with half of HR too!! I know he feels very uncomfortable about the whole situation but he loves his job and gets on well with the others so he feels really stuck. I picked him up from work the other day. She’s waved at me but didn’t come over.

OP posts:
IntrovertedPenguin · 23/11/2022 11:20

I'd be reporting her to her boss and HR. That's sexual harassment. I would also be telling your husband to put her straight and to stop with her behaviour as it's making him uncomfortable:

mirrormirroronthewalls · 23/11/2022 11:20

If he really likes the job and wants to stay, the only way he'll survive is to set friendly but firm boundaries. So when she brings in food, he can just say (with a smile), 'Thank you but I don't want to waste the lunch greenjellyfish made for me'. If she's texting him when he's on annual leave, he should stick his phone on airplane mode and later explain that he had no signal (which is true...he switched it off).

Without being rude or obstructive, he can just set some non negotiable personal boundaries. If it persists, I'd strongly suggest he starts keeping a log (and keep all his messages). She could be falling into harassment territory and it's important to keep evidence.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 23/11/2022 11:24

"Babe"???? Wtf.

MoveOnTheCards · 23/11/2022 11:28

This behaviour and her methods of communication aren’t a ‘female thing’. It’s basic lack of professionalism and inappropriate behaviour.

I’m a woman and a boss and do not flirt with my teams or behave in this way.

Your husband needs to either speak to HR or lay down some firm boundaries with her.

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 23/11/2022 13:35

It is not a 'female thing' in the least. It borders on harassment.

Blossomtoes · 23/11/2022 13:39

It’s sexual harassment plain and simple. If I were him I’d be looking for another job.

AriettyHomily · 23/11/2022 13:44

I'd be reporting and looking to move. Anyone who communicates with babe is unprofessional, male female or anything else.

TellMeWhere · 23/11/2022 13:48

Sounds like a bizarre workplace and not one I'd want to stay in.

BatshitBanshee · 23/11/2022 13:49

Is there a senior manager? Two or three levels above her. This is outrageous behaviour and while I do think looking elsewhere is a good idea, I'd also look to report it to someone. If she was male, there wouldn't even be a question over whether or not this was inappropriate.

ErickBroch · 23/11/2022 13:53

This founds fake af, sorry. She was texting him with kisses and 'babe' an you thought 'it's a female thing'. Really? No other women I know would think that. Makes no sense.

thisplaceisweird · 23/11/2022 13:57

It's likely there's no official 'HR' if its a small company. It's not called HR these days anyway, it'll be people operations, or might not even exist.

He should go to her boss with evidence and examples.

moonmoon123 · 23/11/2022 14:54

disagree with person who said he should set phone on airplane mode and say it wa and signal. as his wife is wanna hear him make it clear whilst his not at work she is not his concern and doesn’t cross his mind. As a female if a male boss did his first of all I’d leave my job BUT I would make it clear I’m under no obligation to respond to you once my shift has finished. my partner wouldn’t be returning to work if his boss/manager acted in this way, call me a control freak I do not care- this is outright weird

moonmoon123 · 23/11/2022 14:55

moonmoon123 · 23/11/2022 14:54

disagree with person who said he should set phone on airplane mode and say it wa and signal. as his wife is wanna hear him make it clear whilst his not at work she is not his concern and doesn’t cross his mind. As a female if a male boss did his first of all I’d leave my job BUT I would make it clear I’m under no obligation to respond to you once my shift has finished. my partner wouldn’t be returning to work if his boss/manager acted in this way, call me a control freak I do not care- this is outright weird

omg I have no idea why I spelt and put so many words wrong..clearly was rushing

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