Should I go and ask if they are ok??

[Sarahlouise86]

Had a bit of a strange night last night and not sure if I should just leave it as it is or if I should go and check on the couple involved. Husband thinks I should just leave it.

I was up feeding my newborn at 3.30am and I got a notification on my phone to say there was movement outside my door (we have the ring doorbell where there is a camera). I was expecting it to be the local cat who I've become quite accustomed to crossing our doorstep in the night. But instead I was shocked to see an elderly gentleman in his underpants and t-shirt with no shoes on trying to get in the house. I woke my husband up and told him and he went out onto the street to find the man who had started to wander off to our neighbours. He was able to tell us his address which was just around the corner so my husband wrapped him up and drove him home. He had to bang on his door to wake his wife up who wasn't aware he had gone.

I can't stop thinking about it this morning. It was nearly freezing temperatures overnight and if I hadn't been awake I wouldn't of heard him (doorbell isn't hooked up to make a noise yet 🙈) and all my neighbours are elderly as well so obviously hadn't woken up when he tried their doors (our camera caught him trying the house opposite before ours).

Should I go around later today and check they are ok? Or is that overkill? I don't want to intrude and I guess if he was sleep walking he may be embarrassed today. But I can't stop thinking about what could have happened to him.

I think I’d contact social services TBH, there’s clearly something going on and it can be hard for people to admit as they get older.

Yes why not it appears the gentleman is at risk of harm and his wife could be struggling to cope.
It was lovely of you both to care about him the way you did.
Pop around and ask.🌈💐💐

Maybe it might be nice to post a card with your name and number, explain it was your husband that dropped the man home and that you’d just like to check in with them. That leaves the ball in their court to contact you or not.

It’s lovely that you’re being so thoughtful. If it was a sleepwalking episode you can save them the embarrassment of turning up on their doorstep to remind them of it, but if they are in need of support you will have offered them it.

Yes I would pop round in a friendly just making sure they are OK kind of a way, take the baby as a great way of breaking the ice.

Yes, I would definitely go on a casual pretext and I’d probably also try to speak with a family member or social care. I’d be devastated if I left it and later heard he’d been found dead in the snow or something. They might both be really struggling if he has dementia. Awful situation and thank god you were awake!

Had similar with my grandma wandering and she managed to give my address to a neighbour who dropped her round.

In the shock of the moment I was thankful but brief, so was really happy when he called round a few days later to ask about him so I could give a little background and thank him properly.

I know it might sound daft but I was a little embarrassed that he thought we weren't supporting him enough so was a relief to have a chat and swap stories.

He quiet possibly has dementia and is at risk, classic behaviour.

Thanks all. Good to hear I wasn't over thinking it!

His daughter actually popped over today to say thank you before I got the chance to go around. Apparently he does have dementia and he has gotten out during the day before but never at night (his wife had left the key in the door by accident). They are going to get sensors installed so it doesn't happen again. She was definitely aware of how 'lucky' it was that he was found so quickly given how cold it was.

I still can't believe that I was awake, my baby has gone back to her usual 5 hour sleeps tonight (unusual for a newborn!) and I wouldn't have seen him. My husband has said he will get the doorbell fixed asap!!

I'd definitely call SS as he could have frozen to death if he had t been seen by someone! Maybe they do need help and do t realise

That's absolutely terrifying for his family. You were in the right place at the right time for that chap.

I know its been resolved now but having expeienced something a little similar I my wider family I would not involve SS as the first step. A kindly chat with the family to get the lay of the land is more appropriate as has been shown here.

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair 100% agree not until after you've spoken with them and get some context

Well done for helping op. My granddad has alzheimers and is not allowed out alone now but has managed it early in the morning once while my 85 year old nan is still sleeping. Then he got confused and lost. It's such a worry. So glad you woke up. Do check in if you like I am sure they would not mind.

Oh just seen your update! Bless him.

I would leave it now as he obviously has caring family. I had similar with a neighbour but she lived alone so I had to call social services (who subsequently did fuck all anyway). Well done for looking out for your neighbours.

Those saying contact SS what are you expecting to happen? If the daughter hadn't been in touch I'd've popped round for a chat. If it turned out he chap lived alone and had no family then maybe SS but otherwise no.

Social services don't to 'fuck all' but you do realise we can't just rock up and take people away or force assessments on people.

If there was no family and there were concerns then things would happen but it's rarely instant and if others are involved often the best course of action is not our remit.