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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to see my friend this often?

10 replies

Sundaycoffee · 22/11/2022 21:03

One of my friends wants to spend more time with me than I do her. I'm quite happy meeting up once a month or so and I'm starting to feel a little suffocated by her.
I feel awful writing this as she is always there for me and truly supportive but she is also very intense. Daily messages and voicenotes. I last saw her just over a week ago where I spent the whole day with her 1:1 and today she texts "I miss you, when can I see you again?!"
I have plans in the diary with her already for the week before Christmas, which for me is perfectly fine but she has just messaged me tonight saying "I know I'm seeing you soon on xyz date, but it would be nice to see you before then, let me know when you're free?" Which would mean I would be seeing her every couple of weekends.
I am not busy enough that I couldnt see her and feel bad lying to her about that and saying I have plans when I don't.
Last time this happened I did briefly say I'm a bit busy this month so wasnt sure if i could meet and then she sent me a message proposing about 8 different dates throughout that month that she could do and then I almost felt obliged to see her!
It would just be nice to keep my weekends a little bit free for other friends and family (a lot of them arrange ad hoc or last minute get togethers and I would like some time free for these people too)
Although I appreciate telling someone I can't see you because I want to keep my time free just incase someone i would rather see more else gets in touch!
Any advice?

OP posts:
LittleDonkeyKong · 22/11/2022 21:06

Doesn't sound like you actually like her.

Gemmanorthdevon · 22/11/2022 21:11

I started writing a reply and then chose not to bite...

Sundaycoffee · 22/11/2022 21:14

LittleDonkeyKong · 22/11/2022 21:06

Doesn't sound like you actually like her.

Fair. She is a good friend of mine but she has a very extroverted personality and spending time with her is "intense" and elevated and after seeing her I feel like I need some recharge time if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Daisybuttercup12345 · 22/11/2022 22:47

Gemmanorthdevon · 22/11/2022 21:11

I started writing a reply and then chose not to bite...

What do you mean?

elephantonacid · 22/11/2022 22:57

Sounds like she really likes you but you obviously don't like her. I see my best mate weekly.

Firen · 22/11/2022 23:02

Just say you can’t make it and look forward to seeing her at Christmas. This really shouldn’t be that complicated.

Takemyhand123 · 22/11/2022 23:07

I completely get this! I have a wider circle of friends who I love to catch up with every 4-6 weeks, but only one or two who I'd like to see any more often than that, and it's hard to keep coming up with excuses when they want to fit in more catch ups than you're willing/able to

Purplelion · 22/11/2022 23:09

It really sounds like you don’t like her, I see my best friend 2/3 times a week and we text everyday

saraclara · 22/11/2022 23:11

elephantonacid · 22/11/2022 22:57

Sounds like she really likes you but you obviously don't like her. I see my best mate weekly.

Nowhere has OP said that this is her best mate. She's just 'one of her friends'

Hotelfoxtrot · 22/11/2022 23:12

Purplelion · 22/11/2022 23:09

It really sounds like you don’t like her, I see my best friend 2/3 times a week and we text everyday

Not necessarily. I’m an introvert and the only person I can see that often is my husband. Everyone else drains me. It’s not personal.

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