To be really hurt

[Feeona89]

So, this is a very long story but my younger brother had a night stand a few years ago, the lady ended up being pregnant and decided she was going to keep the baby (my brother didn’t want a child although I am fully aware he is half to blame in this mess). She had a beautiful little boy and I have tried my hardest to be a part of his life in the circumstances (my brother pays for him but not allowed to see him).

I used to have him at our house once a week with my 2 and 5 year old as apparently the mum has PTSD so I am not allowed to leave the house with him as she worries too much. I found it really hard with all 3 of them whilst DH was at work and would much prefer to be out, especially at weekends when DH is at home to support. I always ask her if she wants to meet up for play dates etc but 80% of the time she turns me down. I don’t really know what else I could have done.

I received an invite to his party and messaged her to find out times etc and received loads of abuse from her, she asked what kind of aunt has only invited their nephew for a sleepover once etc and how hard she finds it. She also claims that she has looked after my daughter more times than I have looked after her son to keep them in contact. I didn’t know she had these things on a tally? Anyway I’m deeply hurt and in the end told her to F off as I really thought I had put the effort in.

please tell me what you would do

One night stand that should say sorry **

I think you need some distance from each other - it sounds like there’s a lot of unpleasantness and that’s no good for the children. Is there a reason why your brother isn’t allowed to see his child?

He was rubbish to be honest and I don’t blame her from stopping contact.

Has she looked after your children?

I think it depends on how genuine you think she's being. If she's really struggling then I'd probably have gone back to her and said you could do more but you'd rather take them out as that's more manageable for you and offered to do it on a regular basis like a morning a week or something. If she babysits for you regularly then maybe she has felt a little taken advantage of without you realising. I'd try to keep the peace for the sake of having a relationship with your nephew and maybe sit down with her to talk it through and see what would work for you both. Is this type of outburst out of character for her or is this what she's like regularly? That would make a difference in how I would approach it tbh

She has had my daughter round yes and took her to play dates, I have had him round at ours lots but it’s hard with my 2 year old too. I would happily take them all out but because she has PTSD she won’t allow anybody taking him out and I find it much harder with 3 of them at home.

I just keep thinking that surely if you make the decision to have a baby in those circumstances you need to accept that you are alone and be great full for any involvement. He is being tested for ADHD so maybe that is why I find it so hard with the 3 of them at home as he needs constant stimulation and gets bored very easily.

“be great full for any involvement”

Well if your feeling that she needs to be grateful is coming off you in waves then I’m not surprised she’s fallen out with you.