To wonder if this would be a totally daft thought

[toevenconsiderasking]

Background, as a teenager my mum got me very into reading, and often promised to take me on a holiday (UK destination) to do with particular book . We used to plan the holiday out and look at prices, etc, but never actually went through with it . My mum's now v v ill and not in a position at all to go away anywhere - completely mentally incapacitated, its v unlikely she'll be here this time next year .

Very good friend of mine - without knowing conversations my mum and I had years ago - told me she loved same books, she'd gone to the same place years ago and had a wonderful time and would love to go again .

I'm half wondering about asking her in theory if she would come with me one day . Not any time soon but maybe a couple of years in the future .

Thing is though I've never spent longer than one day with friend, I've no idea how we'd get on living in the same space for 2 nights or so . I mean we get on grand together for one day, but actually spending a weekend together might be a disaster . That or she might not like the idea at all and might be weirded out by me asking . We wouldn't be coming at it from an entirely equal position iyswim and I'd worry she'd think I was merely asking her along to pay for my holiday (which isn't the case at all) .

If your friend asked you this would you find it strange? Am I daft for thinking it might be fun?

Just ask her, what’s the worst case she can say no? Is it Whitby?

It's not no, I'm wary of saying where in case she uses MN (unlikely as that is, she doesn't seem the type) . Although I'd love to go back to Whitby to be honest, went there as a teen and it was fab !

If you go by train (each paying your own fare) and each pay for your own room, what's the worst that could happen?

I'm dying to know where you're going to!

I'm really sorry, I should have said I'm so sorry about your poor mum. It's lovely that she got you into reading and I wish she was able to go on that trip with you.

My money is on Jamaica Inn!

It's one weekend. What's the worst that can happen? Having just lost my Mum after a year's terminal illness this sounds like heaven! Can I come?!

Just get your own rooms.

Oooh, it's not no, but that looks fun too!

I'll sit on it for a few days, yes definitely separate rooms and I'd want to pay for myself, which would put it at least 18 months in the future . I don't know if its even worth mentioning just now when it would be so far off in the future . It would be fab if she said yes, I could go alone but it would be so nice to have company .

I really want you know where and what the books are 🤞

Why don't you just go? You don't need anyone else.

In the nicest possible way, I do think YABU because there’s every chance you just spend the rest of your life planning it and never following through, and it’s not fair to bring someone else into that. What do you think is different now than when you planned this with your mum and never went? And why can’t you just go by yourself? I say this as someone who had a similar trip planned with my dad and we never went, I really wouldn’t include anyone else in it unless you are making a solid plan with a date, a hotel booking etc.
💐 for your mum

@toevenconsiderasking I'm sorry to hear about your Mum. Do you feel happy you spent all that time planning trip & never going, or resentful?

is your Mum able to understand if & enjoy you telling her about a trip etc?

if I were you, I'd plan a weekend with your friend, either to just see somewhere lovely or as a planning weekend.

if you asked me I'd happily go with you.

How long would 'The Big Trip' take?

It would just be lovely to have the company and someone to chat to etc . I mean to be fair things might be different in two years time, might be in a relationship or something, I don't know .

It was my mum's health that meant we never got to do it, she's been on a slow decline (now much faster) for ages . It would never have been possible much as I really, really wish it had been . Otherwise we'd have gone years ago .

I reckon it's Dorset - Enid Blyton.

If you're not planning on going for two years then i wouldn't bring it up until much closer to the time. I think it would be odd to ask her if she'd like to do something with you in two years time - but maybe you just like the idea of talking about it rather than actually doing it? I don't know why else you'd wait two years to go.

Happy, it's a nice memory to look back and going would be a lovely way of remembering my mum and bringing closure to the only real goal we had together .

Mum wouldn't understand no, not at all unfortunately .

It's about 6 hours drive total (maybe less on the train, I'm not sure!)

Money - there's absolutely no way I can afford a holiday at all just now, my finances are shot to pieces, it would take me a while to save up enough that I could afford an air B&B etc (though maybe not as long as two years, I'm not sure) .

That's my thought.

I wouldn't ask a friend you don't know that well (although re-reading your post - maybe you do know her but just haven't spent a lot of concentrated time together? Which is different I think)

Yeah the latter; we know each other very well for years, but just never spent an overnight together at all .

Of course you can ask your friend - who has already expressed interest in the idea, and is your friend!

It’s the very opposite of weird.

I’m so sorry about your mum.

If you've known each other years it will be fine. I went away for 2 nights recently with someone I became friends with through work about 18 months ago. We hadn't spent loads of time together outside of work but we had an absolute blast on our mini break. Just sound her out & go from there.

My money's on Kirrin Island.

But seriously OP, I hope you get to take your trip. I think it's fine to mention it to your friend now to get an idea whether she would like to go again. It would be a shame for you to spend 2 yrs thinking about asking her only to find she doesn't want to go again.

I was once given festival tickets by an ex who i presumed wanted to come with me, but i didn't ask him. I asked around and only a wonderful new colleague was available at such short notice. We haven't continued knowing each other. We were friends for several years but then sad life experiences led to her moving up north and we didn't keep in touch, but that will always be such a fond memory, we had such a laugh! Ask, OP, like others have said, what's the worst that can happen?

What a lovely idea! No harm in asking . She might love the idea too.

I’ll maybe ask and see what she says yes, it’s hard to gauge if she was dropping hints but it would be lovely to go with her . I’m concerned if I ask that she’ll think I’m wanting her to replace my mum which isn’t the case at all, it would just be really lovely to go with someone else who shares my enthusiasm . I think I’d find it very hard to go alone without my mum though . It would just be more fun to go as two of us !

It’s not Enid Blyton no, if I share the village and she’s a MNer she’ll recognise instantly . Along the lines of Jane Austen sort of but it isn’t Jane Austen .