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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So confused by FIL's comments about Christmas!

16 replies

Christmasdilemmas · 22/11/2022 14:51

MIL died 9 years ago, and for the subsequent 7 years, FIL came to ours for Christmas. He would arrive around midday, and we would have the whole day together, full works Christmas lunch, after dinner games, drinks etc and he would stay over. It was really nice.

Around 5 years after MIL's passing, FIL met another lady, but they kept their Christmasses separate, with him still coming to us, and with her visiting her own adult children.

About 2 Christmasses ago, he declared that he would like to spend Christmas with his Girlfriend, and they spent that year and the following year with her adult children.

A short while ago, FIL said in a family group setting that he hadn't seen us for the last 2 Christmasses, because he hadn't been invited!

AIBU to find this totally confusing? For context, me and DH and FIL's other child have normal sized homes, whereas FIL and his GF both have 6 bedroom homes that could easily accommodate them and all of their adult children, but we have never been invited there.

OP posts:
NoseyNellie · 22/11/2022 14:55

😂 old people, you’ve got to love them, apparently!

Ignore it, invite him this year, and don’t be surprised if he says no. My Dad was v similar and would say stuff like that all the time - for him it was just part of his narcissism - any excuse to play the martyr.

mmgirish · 22/11/2022 14:56

Why don't you just respond to say that isn't true?

hesbeingabitofadick · 22/11/2022 14:56

His choice to spend time with his GF rather than his Grandkids over the last year or two.
Don't leap into inviting him.
What (if anything) does your DH think? assuming he knows FIL is on a fishing trip for a free lunch

Chdjdn · 22/11/2022 15:03

Well I’m wondering if you did actually say to him that he and his girlfriend were invited to yours? Maybe if you never said the words he somehow thought they weren’t invited as you didn’t want his girlfriend there?
im most confused at why you didn’t just immediately ask what he meant

Santagiveyoursackawash · 22/11/2022 15:05

Next family group setting remind fil he made his own plans those years... Nowt whatsoever to do with lack of invite.
For that I wouldn't be inviting him ever again.

FetchezLaVache · 22/11/2022 15:06

A short while ago, FIL said in a family group setting that he hadn't seen us for the last 2 Christmasses, because he hadn't been invited!

I'd have pulled him up on that so fast it would've given him a wedgie!

cookiesbeforepookies · 22/11/2022 15:07

Sounds like he’s trying to justify not inviting you to his by rewriting history.

WhenDovesFly · 22/11/2022 15:07

Firstly OP I question why you hosted for 7 years and why your DH's sibling didn't take a turn?

Of course it's not your place to respond to this comment, it's up to your DH and his sibling if they want to react. If it was my father saying this I'd probably respond "Hang on, weren't you the one who announced you wanted to spend Christmas with your GF for a change?"

crosstalk · 22/11/2022 15:10

Get your DH to respond. "Hi Dad - do come with gf to Christmas. We did invite you the last two years but you wanted understandably to be with gf. Or shall we come to yours? Would be great to catch up and meet her family."

IntrovertedPenguin · 22/11/2022 15:11

I would respond "yes because we are waiting to be invited to yours and GFs." Grin

namechange3394 · 22/11/2022 15:16

"About 2 Christmasses ago, he declared that he would like to spend Christmas with his Girlfriend"

Were you supposed to pick up on this as a hint to invite gf to yours?

Original poster
Christmasdilemmas · 22/11/2022 15:17

DH didn't hear the comment, so I think it flew under the radar at the time. When he said he was going to spend that Christmas with his GF, it was clear it was with her and her adult children and her multiple grandchildren, and her very elderly mother with extreme disabilities, all of whom we have never met, so we couldn't say "you could all come here", as we are talking about 12 strangers at this point, added to the 4 of us, would have meant me cooking for 16 people, 12 of whom we've never met!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/11/2022 15:17

crosstalk · 22/11/2022 15:10

Get your DH to respond. "Hi Dad - do come with gf to Christmas. We did invite you the last two years but you wanted understandably to be with gf. Or shall we come to yours? Would be great to catch up and meet her family."

I’m not sure I agree about it not being the OP’s ‘place’ to respond to her FIL’s comment. She has known him for more than 9 years - surely she knows him well enough to say “Have you forgotten you chose to go to your gf’s for Christmas the last two years?”

Justcallmebebes · 22/11/2022 15:34

Wasn't Christmas 2020 Covid and we weren't supposed to mix and last year Omicron so everyone was cautious about mixing anyway? Think that's right

Bleachmycloths · 22/11/2022 15:48

mmgirish · 22/11/2022 14:56

Why don't you just respond to say that isn't true?

Yes, I agree. You can’t just stand there and take this blatant lie - or to use a more popular word ‘misremembering’ ( God I hate that word 😊)

Bleachmycloths · 22/11/2022 15:50

Justcallmebebes · 22/11/2022 15:34

Wasn't Christmas 2020 Covid and we weren't supposed to mix and last year Omicron so everyone was cautious about mixing anyway? Think that's right

You’re right! I can’t believe that I had forgotten about the embargo on meeting up. Your FIL sounds a bit of an idiot. Or forgetful. Like me 🤣

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