People love motherhood, hate mothers

[nanodyne]

Reading some of the threads on here has got me thinking that as a society we love the concept of motherhood but hate mothers themselves. I've never felt so much public contempt since having children, and I was child free for 33 years. It's like at the social discourse level it's "motherhood yay, childfree boo" but the practical reality is precisely the opposite e.g. politicians hand wring about falling birth rates and blame women for not getting pregnant, but then enact policies that penalise anyone choosing to actually give birth and it's our fault for not having considered that before getting pregnant. Happy to be torn to shreds, I've just noticed a big gulf between theory and practice in my own experience.

A woman's place is in the wrong, innit?

Must have children, otherwise you're a selfish and unfulfilled. But don't have them too young, or you're a disgrace. Or too old, that's irresponsible. Don't have them unless you're married, financially stable and own your own home - with a garden, please, and in a good school catchment.

Breastfeed, but not in public, and not for too long, that's icky. Get your figure back, and get back to work - but not full time, or for long hours, or else why did you have kids to have someone else raise them?

You want to stay at home and look after them yourself? Well that makes you a drain on your husband (you do have a husband right? You're not one of those dreadful single mums on benefits?) and on the economy and society in general.

All this before the baby is a year old. So fuck it, do it what you want. Someone, somewhere, will disapprove of you regardless.

@MadameSzyszkoBohusz nailed it 👏

@MadameSzyszkoBohusz as pp states absolutely nailed it!

I think the crux of the problem is mothers' vulnerability. We need support, we are physically vulnerable during pregnancy/ post birth, we are unable to look after others and take up our habitual places in society in the way we did before when we have small children.

The only way that this works for everyone is that mothers get a great deal of support, but this is inconvenient for everyone. Hence all the psychological pressure that society exerts on them to shoulder the burden alone.

Wait till you're at the school gates. Mothers biggest haters are other mothers.

Yeah I read threads on here weekly telling me how foolish and stupid I am for having kids with my partner when we're not married. It actually gets quite boring!

Maybe it's just that everyone is tired of the self indulgent whining? I'm a mother of many and don't recognise the characterisations on this and many other threads. I don't feel like "society" expected me or anyone else to have children, many women do not and we all know its a perfectly valid, not unusual or interesting choice. I never felt like anyone saw me as a drain on my husband or society, or cared how old I was when I had them.
I breastfed in public and never got a comment, I worked when it suited me and not when it didn't (and when we needed some extra support from my government it was easy to apply for and helpful).

I don't recognise many of the complaints made. Maybe, it's just a UK thing, but I had my first there and didn't feel any of it.

I think you are spot on.

Women are increasingly devalued and motherhood turns women into vessels so dehumanises has more

Couldn't agree more, this country is so anti children and you dont see it until you're in it. It's like society is geared towards trapping you and then it's "haha figure it out yourself!"

Sorry I didn't intend to come across as whining, it was an observation. I don't feel victimised, more shocked at how comfortable the general public are with criticising mothers.
Regarding societal pressure, perhaps I'm a little too politically engaged, because it's definitely been a theme in the news, iir one MP suggested a letter from the queen might motivate more women to procreate (more pre-CoL crisis admittedly).
On the government support point I was thinking specifically of childcare and SMP, both of which have been pointedly ignored in the raft of measures announced.

@MadameSzyszkoBohusz Best post of 2022 - Happy New Year! Xx

Thank you very much @Chicca1970!

And HNY to you too.

Nailed it

Your not recognising an issue doesn’t say anything about the issue itself. In fact you’ve pretty much proved OP’s point.

We had a child because we wanted too I don't care what society says about me or us, I don't care what articles say or people in the street or on social media

I don't parent by other people

I am a mother and I don't care who likes it or not.

Maybe people should do more,what works for them and not keep on going on about feeling judged or worrying about what other people think?

Mind you it is odd, in general, to post on a forum then complain you don't get the replies you want

Labnehi - on a personal level all may be fine for individuals. But on a societal and political level it most certainly isn't.

Women are far more likely to be single parents. Single parents are far more likely to struggle financially due in part to a combination of exorbitant housing and childcare costs and a CSA that isn't fit for purpose.

Women are far more likely than men to face poverty in their old age. In part due to lower earnings and pension contributions (as they took on the lions share of child rearing).

These are facts supported by stats. Not whining.

These are facts created by a consistent contempt displayed by successive governments for what they perceive as 'women's work'.