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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else dreading Christmas because of parents in law?

16 replies

Itsybitsyminion · 21/11/2022 18:41

I always thought the arrival of my son (now 3yo) would bring back the Christmas spirit to our small family, just us three and parents in law. Since he was born, naturally we started all spending more time together, with them coming to visit. I didn't know them that well before and after DS was born I never thought about them as hands on grandparents. FIL almost never shows up. MIL was never able even to change a nappy... She tried, never went well. And now she always forgets to take him to the toilet as he is being potty trained. Also doesn't care much about meal time. Sweets would do for the day (he will compensate on dinner at home she says even when he takes a packed lunch that she never takes out of the bag). I don't like when she takes him but to avoid disagreement with my husband I allow it every now and then. You are wondering where I am going with this. I just feel the whole situation absolutely exhausting as they are an old lonely retired couple and they have nothing to talk about apart from being incredible opinionated about our son and the decisions we make for him. If he is going through a more clingy period she will look at me as if it's something wrong I am doing. In fact FIL said it's due to be in nursery every afternoon. A nearly 3 year old is too young to be away from mummy... (His words) And at every visit they bombard us with questions about the most random uninteresting subjects such as what food we ate last time we went out and what we drank?! True story! Regarding holidays we don't even mention if we take little breaks away as it's an endless conversation about the most little details. It's incredible draining and gosh they are loud. I really just wanted a peaceful Christmas. I thought about going away next year just us, even DH said it would be nice but they would stay alone and we don't have the heart to do it ...

OP posts:
Antihistamine62 · 21/11/2022 18:45

Me! Absolutely dreading it. Mine make out they are grandparents of the year and completely overwhelm my kids. I can’t stand them.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/11/2022 18:48

There is a simple solution. Don’t spend Christmas with them!

Your DH can talk to them. And pay for childcare if you’re not happy with the free service from MIL.

Sapphire387 · 21/11/2022 18:50

I'm not spending Christmas with my in-laws. My MIL and SIL have just had a massive hissy fit with my DH so we might not see them at all. I'm fairly disgusted with them and will dread it if we have to see them.

So, you are not alone. Hand hold from me.

Sapphire387 · 21/11/2022 18:51

I should add - hissy fit wasn't about Christmas itself!

DillDanding · 21/11/2022 18:59

It’s our turn to host the in-laws this year. I’m very fond of all of them but they are all deathly dull and it makes for a loooong and boring day. They are also a mix of vegetarian/pescatarian/coeliac and various food intolerances, so it makes the cooking somewhat challenging for my husband (I don’t cook).

I see it as our duty though. It’s one Christmas Day every other year (we duck out of it alternate years and stay home) and we just have to go along with it. I suspect most people end up doing something they’d rather not at Christmas.

bloodywhitecat · 21/11/2022 19:02

Christmas is such a difficult time for so many people for a wide range of reasons. I hope you manage to have a good time despite everything.

custardbear · 21/11/2022 19:02

My MIL gets in at my DD about her weight, she's not fat! She encourages her not to eat much dessert and my DD has body dysmorphia... ridiculous thing is she was a bloody psychiatrist

britsabroad · 21/11/2022 19:07

Me! I'm actually spending the first week with my family which I'm excited about. But the second week is with the MIL and I could write 50 mumsnet threads on her. Big drinker, once the wine comes out, so does her inner wine troll. She also thinks all women should be subservient to men, and that my role in life is to make her son happy. She doesn't think men should change nappies and thinks breastfeeding is "wrong". Last time she looked after my 2 year old son, she let him play with a razor. She only talks about herself.... And only thinks about herself. She's completely cuckoo and a total k*b. But I can do this and so can you! Just think it's only a few days. Don't let the f*kers bring you down.

OoooohMatron · 21/11/2022 19:09

DillDanding · 21/11/2022 18:59

It’s our turn to host the in-laws this year. I’m very fond of all of them but they are all deathly dull and it makes for a loooong and boring day. They are also a mix of vegetarian/pescatarian/coeliac and various food intolerances, so it makes the cooking somewhat challenging for my husband (I don’t cook).

I see it as our duty though. It’s one Christmas Day every other year (we duck out of it alternate years and stay home) and we just have to go along with it. I suspect most people end up doing something they’d rather not at Christmas.

Snap! DH has offered to cook Christmas Dinner but I've refused so I can be in the kitchen on my own necking the prosecco with the Christmas tunes on!

CurleyMango · 21/11/2022 21:06

Mine are awful, totally self absorbed and full is shiiitttt. Family all knows it. I love to cook so will be cooking mostly. Not opening crap gift for me when everyone else has something fab. Nope not buying for them, it’s dis job and no ideas either.

OoooohMatron · 21/11/2022 23:22

custardbear · 21/11/2022 19:02

My MIL gets in at my DD about her weight, she's not fat! She encourages her not to eat much dessert and my DD has body dysmorphia... ridiculous thing is she was a bloody psychiatrist

She would be going nowhere near my daughter.

Byelaws · 21/11/2022 23:27

YANBU that sounds really hard work.

Bathbomb99 · 21/11/2022 23:33

Not anymore. Luckily we split 5 years ago and it’s been absolutely joyous every Christmas! My MIL would bore me with the same old stories I’d heard a 100 times-constantly bigging herself up or slagging everyone off. All whilst I was expected to feed her awful family and make her endless cups of tea 🙄 single with kids is so much easier!

Flowerfairy101 · 21/11/2022 23:41

Not for me, as we moved 200 miles away this year so I won't be spending Christmas day trying to stop toddler DD taking ornaments off MIL tree or messing with a million and one other breakables/dangerous things they refuse to put away because 'its time she learnt what not to touch '.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/11/2022 00:26

I see it as our duty though

@DillDanding Oh bloody hell, life is too short! Stop it. Make a break and start new tradition of having fun. Have lunch out or something.

Lockeddownagain · 22/11/2022 05:35

We were supposed to go to My mils I hate her partner so much hen he dies I'm going to the funeral to check he's gone.
So I wasn't looking forward to it but want my husband to see his mum on Xmas day. As he has done a lot with my family over the years.
But she canceled saying her partner has organised a special day for them 🤣🤣 I wish she's just told the truth he hates syou qs much as you hate him
Guys a controlling moron

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