To think this judge was correct

[Thesearmsofmine]

I read this story today about a judge blocking parents from freezing their dying sons sperm so they could then create a child in the future (with the sons girlfriend) who they would then bring up.

www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/judge-parents-dying-sons-sperm-b2227566.html?amp

I agree with the judges decision to not allow the parents to do this, the whole idea makes me feel very uncomfortable and can’t imagine the impact on the poor child (if it had been allowed).

Anyway I was looking at comments on social media and there was a significant number of people thinking that it should have been allowed so AIBU in agreeing with the judges decision?

YABU- it should have been allowed
YANBU- the judge made the correct decision

it is a matter of consent and it is not their decision to make so I agree with you.

Yes, I agree this is a correct decision.

Couple who were TTC / married or otherwise committed, I think she should be allowed to use frozen sperm. His parents wanting to do it and take the child, no. It should act as a clone / replacement.

The idea of someone "collecting sperm" from a man in a coma is just a big no.

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

What a sad story

But I wholly agree with the judge. It isn’t enough to say he would have consented when he clearly hasn’t.

As an aside, it’s a bit odd that the GF supposedly was happy to carry her baby then give it up to her deceased boyfriend’s parents. I can’t imagine that would really happen

This is so strange. She wanted children with him but for them to be raised by the child's grandparents?

It’s very weird that that poor man was dying in hospital of a sudden illness and his parents’ first thoughts were to steal his sperm and freeze it…

They say he always wanted children. Did he say he always wanted to be genetically responsible for children who could never know him and would always have at least one dead parent and then be raised by "parents" who wouldn't live to see their children grow up?

Really odd. Why would the girlfriend want to carry his child but not raise them?

The main issues is the consent issue, I agree

But also it sure wouldn’t be in the child’s interests to be born into this scenario

I agree. There was a similar story a while back when a woman wanted to use her dead daughter’s eggs with donor sperm to give birth to her own granddaughter. I think she was allowed to in the end.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-36675521

He was 22.

I feel sorry for his parents but for this to even be an option they considered (let alone took to court!) is just bonkers.

This just isn't right? Morally, ethically, practically or physically.

Practically and physically possible she'd already frozen them so they didn't need to be harvested.

Ethically and morally fucking horrendous

Grief and a broken heart can play terrible tricks on the mind and I suspect once they were caught up in the proceedings they didn’t know how to stop them on an emotional level.

YANBU.

The son is unable to consent to this and unless he had authorised it prior to his death it would be a violation of his body.

Plus, what of the other 50% of the DNA required? And what of the resulting child? That child would be his or her own person, not a reincarnation of the deceased, and not someone with a duty to make up for the grandparents' loss.

The parents can't accept their son us dead, and that's sad. But there are better ways of dealing with that than the one they proposed.

Its very sad, I can see them seeing this as reasonable in panic and grief but it's not the right thing; presumably the gf is pretty young too, and how would the child feel growing up and presumably finding out at some point how they came to be born?

Unless they had an exceptionally good and unproblematic relationship with their family I could see that being very unsettling and even traumatic - 'So you just wanted me to replace my dad?!'

Thanks for sharing opinions. It is so sad for this family that their son has died at such a young age but as everyone else says this wouldn’t have been the right thing to do. Very odd that the girlfriend said she would carry the baby, I wonder if ir was said in grief without considering the reality.

That's kind of what I suspect - in the moment it seemed like a loving thing to do, but without seeing the consequences.

It's a difficult subject if you can't be sure what he wanted. When DH and I were doing ivf we gave each other - and the ivf clinic- signed statements that in the case of death our eggs or sperm ocould be harvested and/or our embryos for the other person to use. DH thought he wouldn't want to but I absolutely wanted his child with or without him and he was fine with that. Many people don't think about these things but someone at the ivf clinic said that it has has happened that after the egg retrieval the male partner died soooo we decided to draft the letters just in case. I wouldn't have wanted that with every ex that I had though....

I think the judge was correct. There was a case a few years ago about a couple who had frozen the husbands sperm, I think he was having cancer treatment. Unfortunately he died and the woman went to court to be able to use her late DPs sperm. I think she won the case.
I dont believe it's morally and ethically acceptable to knowingly create a child who will never meet one it's parents, ever.

Completely agree. It's not like the Diane Blood case, in that case, I think they were already trying for a family. This man wasn't.

I wonder what the girlfriend really felt.

Yes. I think my first thoughts would be about organ donation. Not sperm donation, very odd reaction.

Macabre.

What about the child’s mother? She’d have had to put DC into care and go through the adoption process. GP would have been refused as carers.

Any child born couldn’t have a worse start. All next of kin dead/abandoned you/unstable.

Oh ok, the family’s Chinese - you can see where they’re coming from. Only child, only son, no one to carry on the name or look after the parents in old age. Huge deal if you’re based in China as they are. Practical needs aplenty if you don’t have a child.

Parents want to breed a carer for themselves in old age. If that sounds unappealing, Europeans have gone in for it for centuries - their DC are known as ‘daughters’.