AIBU to just want a quiet Christmas?

[Crimbodrama]

Sorry if this is yet another one of these threads. I just need a little validation.

A few weeks ago, my brother basically volunteered me to my father that I would host Xmas at my house, without discussion with myself. He basically imposed this on me. I hosted my brother and his partner at my house last year for xmas and it was hard bloody work, by the time evening came, I just wanted them to go. The mess and stress of it all by the end of Xmas day just left me feeling like all I want is a quiet one this year.

I am a single parent to a 4 year old (who doesn't see her father outside of supervised contact) this year, I just want a nice quiet one with my darling child and I will just make a normal roast dinner.

We did this 2 years ago, and it was fabulous :) easily my best Christmas.
This week, I have since text my brother to let him know that I would like a quiet one this xmas day as hosting is really stressful and hard work and in all honesty, I just want some down time, between single parenting, ferrying around a 4 year old to various parties, play dates, extra curricular and contact every other weekend, in addition to full time work, I am exhausted.

My father is a widow and elderly but still in good health, I have spent 30 years plus of Christmas' with my family and this year all I want is just to celebrate with a quiet lunch and my daughter.
AIBU to want this?

I have also been invited to various other places by friends who assume I am lonely on xmas day, but have politely declined and of course appreciative that they have thought of me, but in all honesty - I just can't wait to have a nice day just my DC and I.

What do we think?

Sorry, I also meant to add, since my text to my brother, he replied to say I am selfish and causing a nightmare to his plans because I said I would see my father on boxing day and he wants to take our father to his in laws on boxing day.

You’ve told him no, what’s his reply?

You clearly know YANBU. Your dad and brother can spend Christmas together, you don’t want to see either so stand firm and they’ll sort themselves out.

X post. So just ignore him.

Don't make excuses. TELL your brother you aren't doing it this year & it messing with his plans is really not your problem.

Don't feel guilty, it sounds like he's used to you giving in when he criticises you which is unkind & unfair.
Your little Christmas together sounds absolutely perfect.

If it means your dad will be alone on Christmas Day (assuming you get along) I think it's a little mean.

No, he won't be alone, he'll either spend it with my brother or he'll go to his Inlaws. Of course i wouldn't leave my father alone on Xmas day.
The other thing I failed to mention in the post is was the expectation that I also cook the xmas dinner at my fathers house if I did spend it with them.

YANBU. Quiet Xmas days are the best if that’s what you choose. Quality time to slow down and just enjoy simple things. Perfect.

We are doing similar and it will be glorious! Sounds just perfect OP, ignore your brother

Just say ok, I'll see dad on the 27th then (or whatever date suits)

Your brother is a bully. Just say no. You might have to say it twice but after that, if he keeps going on, just ignore him or say "I've already given my answer".

I agrée, just say “ok I’ll see dad on 27th”

Your brother is a cheeky git. Let him.cater for him.and ur dad on Christmas day and take him.to.in laws Boxing Day. I.had a piss take Christmas three years ago with my brother,nephew and stepdad. Never again. My stepdad is going to be alkne this Christmas. Not my problem. There comes a time when enough is enough. U do as u wish.

It sounds lovely, I wish I had the guts to do the same.
I am sick of always doing christmas day. It's flipping hard work, Cant wait until it's over. I feel like saying, "right who's turn is it next year?" I know I should but probably won't. It's better than it used to be though, 12 noon on Christmas Eve until Boxing Day evening. For up to 14 people and some staying over! The worst bit is having to be constantly on duty and happy and energetic. It's very draining.
Sorry....... you are definately not being unreasonable. Your brother is cheeky, how dare he get ratty, he should feel guilty.
Enjoy your lovely quiet Christmas.

The only unreasonable one here is your bother for making plans for you without asking , it sounds a lot like a him problem to sort out and maybe in future he’ll think twice about making plans for another adult without verification

I think it’s fine to have a quiet Christmas with your child. It’s not like your brother missing you or upset not to see you on Xmas day, he’s just want to focus on his plans. I will stick to your answer that you can’t do hosting this year as you are overtired and not feeling up to it . Call your dad and tell him that it’s misunderstanding you will be at home, it’s a difficult month and you just need a day to rest and relax without cooking and then arrange when you see him.

Stick to your guns! I was nursing (nights, general hospital,) every year,I was crying at work, with the stress, mostly money. DH being made redundant countless times,2 mortgages. Mil,sil,", what are you doing Christmas"? I would reply, working Christmas eve, going to bed."but it's Christmas"!! I never went to bed,we went mostly to mil, over an hour journey each way. Got ourselves into debt with a credit card, until once we said please don't buy presents,we aren't, she went berserk! One year,we hosted,it was a nightmare, spoilt kids,her turning up, after the meal was on the table. We have gone NC (another long story) we should have put our feet down years ago. You have YOUR Christmas and enjoy it.

Just talk to your Dad direct and agree what you will do. Your DB really shouldn't be telling you how to organise your Christmas. I am 65 and have never spent Christmas Day entirely on my own ... I would genuinely love to, I want to encourage my DH to go off hiking or similar but he has the view that 'we need to be together on Christmas Day' .

@Crimbodrama
32 years ago, I said Cmas day was for me and my son.

A lot has changed but it's still a quiet day at home and it's perfect

Stand firm and create those beautiful Cmas memories for you and your child

What your brother does is up to him - not your circus...

Your brother can't volunteer you for anything, so YANBU - it is his turn to host Christmas if he wants a family Christmas!

But I have to say, I would hate such a quiet Christmas as you describe - I am also a single mother of one child and even during the pandemic I made sure we met other people for a walk in the morning, and had two friends back to the house. I suppose it depends on your child but there is no way in hell my son at 4 would have wanted a day at home seeing nobody on Christmas.