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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Moody sister in law

15 replies

Brum1992 · 21/11/2022 12:20

It was my sons birthday over the weekend, and we threw him a party at a church hall for his school friends. We invited our families also. My sister in law suggested (strongly), that we have a little family party afterwards as well, as they’d get there late because of a different commitment. I happily said yes, that sounds like a nice idea. She then says she will make dinner to bring along to that, because her boys would need more than party food as they’d been playing sports in the morning…I happily said yes, but began to feel like my sons birthday was being hijacked. My MIL and FIL then started saying how they’d just pop into the party, then come back to ours with her so they could get her dinner on.

in the end she came to the party with her sons, with a face like thunder and barely spoke to me. She criticised our apparent lack of cooking dishes and Tupperware and wouldn’t look at me when we were chatting as a a group.

We always seem to walk on eggshells with her, yet she does all these good deeds. Like bringing the dinner, like coming to cook for us when we had a newborn. I just don’t really understand the moodiness when she does these nice things. It’s like she does it and then beats us with it - as if it gives her something to hold against us. I didn’t say anything, and I wouldn’t, because I wouldn’t want to create friction with my in laws, but wow, why did she bother coming if she felt we wouldn’t cook enough for her sons and then have a face like thunder for the day!

My husband does bite back at the critisisms we get all the time. It’s over lots of little things - why would you do this, why that. Why buy this, when x is the best one out there. She’s a mean girl!

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 21/11/2022 12:41

Is this your husband's sister? Has she always been like this?

Brum1992 · 21/11/2022 12:45

@Butchyrestingface she has, although she wasn’t like it with me….it’s like once I was married into the family, she applied it to me too. She’s very mean to her older sister - it makes me quite uncomfortable. My husband is probably the only one who calls her out on it. She is my husbands sister.

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Aquamarine1029 · 21/11/2022 12:48

I wouldn't tolerate this bullshit for a single minute. I have a cousin just like this and I cut her off years ago. Her mission in life was to play the martyr and spoil everything. Life is too short.

Butchyrestingface · 21/11/2022 12:52

Brum1992 · 21/11/2022 12:45

@Butchyrestingface she has, although she wasn’t like it with me….it’s like once I was married into the family, she applied it to me too. She’s very mean to her older sister - it makes me quite uncomfortable. My husband is probably the only one who calls her out on it. She is my husbands sister.

Does it not make it somewhat easier to bear if you know she's an equal opportunities rain cloud?

Now that she feels comfortable with you and obviously sees you as a bona fide member of the family (something so many people on this site complain that their in-laws DON'T), she's simply treating you in the same way she treats everyone else. Which, unfortunately, is quite poorly.

SleeplessInEngland · 21/11/2022 12:54

What's your AIBU?

Quitelikeit · 21/11/2022 12:55

Keep your boundaries firmly in place

youll never change her only your response to her

so ignore her bad behaviour and in your head remember she’s a giant toddler

Brum1992 · 21/11/2022 12:59

@SleeplessInEngland i think more that am I being unreasonable for getting annoyed at her moodiness when she doesn’t these nice things

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EllaPaella · 21/11/2022 12:59

You are way too polite. I would have asked her if there was a problem and if so, what exactly it was. I can't stand people who use a 'mood' to make a point. It's childish and emotional manipulation. She needs to grow up you need to call her out on it every time she does it.

Brum1992 · 21/11/2022 13:00

@Butchyrestingface that is another way to look at it and put a positive spin on it. The equal opportunities raincloud bit made me chuckle :)

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Howeverdoyouneedme · 21/11/2022 13:20

Next time she offers, say ‘No ta, you were a right mard last time, we’re good.’

Aquamarine1029 · 21/11/2022 13:21

These "nice" things she does are nice at all though, are they? They come with a price and strings attached. She uses these nice things against you all to get away with her shitty behaviour. Believe me, it's all very deliberate.

SleeplessInEngland · 21/11/2022 13:25

Brum1992 · 21/11/2022 12:59

@SleeplessInEngland i think more that am I being unreasonable for getting annoyed at her moodiness when she doesn’t these nice things

Well clearly they're not nice things if they're accompanied by her moodiness. If your DH stands up to her then there's probably not much else you can do.

Kitkatcatflap · 21/11/2022 13:48

Are you mad? You did a village hall party for your son and then she insisted on a smaller party at your house on the same day. I would have laughed in her face - hence the reason I pressed you are being unreasonable for pandering to her.

From my experience, you would have been up at the crack of dawn, prepping party food, cakes bowls paper plates etc. Sorting out party bags etc. Traipsing there, set up and clean up afterwards. They are so tiring and she wants a family party afterwards and treats you like that

What has all this pussyfooting got you. She blows hot and cold and you are always on a back foot guessing her moods. I think she may be one of those people who offers to volunteer, do good deeds - loves the gratitude and accolade of the moment but the resents having to fulfil the promise, hence the moods.

Stop accepting her hollows gifts of help, they are stressing you out. Ignore her, if the in-laws comment, say I find moody people tiresome. Nobody should be insulted by guest in their own home.

Brum1992 · 21/11/2022 13:59

@Aquamarine1029 i totally agree - it feels like there’s an agenda in everything she does. It’s an excuse to put us down

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Brum1992 · 21/11/2022 14:06

@Kitkatcatflap thanks for your comment. I think you’re right. It’s a bit ridiculous to suggest a family party afterwards to suit them (because their sons had sports) and then to turn it into her boys needing a substantial meal. Also, to add to the craziness, I have a 3 month old baby!! So I was running around like a headless chicken with the baby attached to me. Some lovely mum friends massively chipped in and helped clean up the party….I honestly would have been lost without them. But yes - party food, organising crafts etc. talking to parents. It was more stressful than I anticipated

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