To not understand this man?

[outthewindowrain]

Around 4 years ago I met a man on a dating app, we had a good first few dates, really clicked. Then on NYE he let me down as he wasn’t in the mood. I also knew that day his ex had collected the last of her things as they’d sold the house they’d shared.

It clicked then that he likely wasn’t over her. We had one more date after that and it was terrible from both sides and we didn’t have contact again after that.

Maybe a year later he messaged me as he regretted that we hadn’t had sex with each other. I was seeing someone else but regardless it was a hard no from me and a swift block.

Now four years he’s found me and added me on Instagram. It’s just bizarre, in my head I think it can’t just be because he wants sex because surely you’d just find someone new for that and neither do I think he wants a relationship. I just find his action bizarre.

He actually said he regretted not having sex with you? Definitely needed blocking for that!

I can understand someone feeling off if things from the house have been collected, end of an era, feelings or no feelings there was a relationship there that has now ended. But to let you down NYE because of it.....yes thats a red flag!

I wouldnt dream of giving this fella the time of day, sounds like a right dickhead

He wants a shag. Don't give in.

You're assuming it's just you. Some men have a list of "possibilities " and they shake the tree every now and then to see what falls.

He reminds me of a guy I met on OLD.
We have a few OK dates but I wasn't sure about him.
The next time we went out I asked him if he's like to stop over (he lived a fair way away) and told him I had a spare room.
So we went out and he stayed the night in the spare room.
The next morning I was in the kitchen and I was just about to ask him what he wanted for breakfast when he said "That's the first time I've stayed at a woman's house and didn't have sex."
I said " You knew it wasn't offered and you decided to stay so what are you complaining about?"
When he didn't respond I suggested he leave which he did. I never saw him again.

I didn't understand him either !

That guy was bad news OP and so is the one you dated. I would block him.

I was going to say this. You're part of his imaginary harem. 😂 poor sod.

Never waste too much time wondering what a man's intentions are. In almost 100% of cases, it's sex.

Men do this. Block. Move on. He wants sex. He hasnt just realised you were 'the one that got away'.
(You may well be though but he will not have seen that - he is just chancing it and being creepy )

He’s hoping for a shag, I’d block him on Instagram and forget about him.

You don't need to understand him. It's not your responsibility and not the job of all women to analyse and understand poor behaviour from men.
Just acknowledge how his actions make YOU feel and act accordingly.

I can pretty much guarantee he'll have thrown a load of these out to a bunch of women he's messaged/dated/shagged over the years.

It means he's newly on the market again and casting the net.

Do not read anything into it other than him wanting a shag. Do not try to analyse his reasons. And do not on any account respond.

Could be true.

But it’s just I’m hardly a possibility. Who asks someone who they never had sex with and they’d also declined an offer of sex a year later. There’s many other women out there.