I don’t want to make this too long, but equally don’t want to drip feed as I’ve seen people say.
I am foreign, have lived here for 30 years plus, and wanting to make changes to my personality and become a better and more likable person.
I met husband who is British here, and so stayed and got married and we had children, fairly quickly, without any real planning, and it just seemed easier for me to stay at home and be mum. Any time I suggested I needed a break, he was not interested because he was working five days a week. He made it quite clear that I was not contributing to the household because I did not work. I felt strongly I should be at home, guilty that I did not work, a little angry that he was not willing to support me being at home. He always did in public but not to me at home.
Fellow mums suggested that my contribution was childcare, but I never really believed it and also always felt inadequate. But also a little annoyed that I had given up my career and life and stayed in this country for DH.
In the early years, we always followed him and his family, everything was around them and I willingly went with it so kids had grandparents and also we did not see that much of mine, so why not?
I genuinely did not mind but gradually over the years started to feel unappreciated and ignored. This feeling has been growing, and I am finding resentment babbling over and realising I have become very negative. I have no hobbies, and no interest in anything anymore, I don’t go out, I don’t have friends, DH and I get on okay but have no real intimacy, he has always made it clear that I am not really anything special to him. I think it is because he doesn’t realise how it comes across, and if I stood up for myself it would make a difference. I think that over the years he has mellowed and would like our relationship to be better but I think I have pulled away to protect myself. And now it is a habit and we have the trap of me pulling away, him digging at me and me pulling away.
I am sat here trying to write a list of things I can do to make myself a better person, and more positive and help the family more.
Am I unreasonable to think that I can change? The general way of doing things now seems to be to simply leave the marriage, however, I would rather become a happier and more positive person within my family if that is possible.
Is there anybody out there that has been in similar situation, of being a stay at home mum and giving up their own opinions and wants to put family and husband first, who then had regrets and resentment, and got over it, or anybody who has any advice?