To not sort the school bag out - again

[TheOrigRights]

For the third time in the last month, DS (13) has let a water bottle leak in his school bag.
The last 2 times I got the books dried out, and obviously told him what had happened, what needed to be done and to be more careful.

He took his bag to the park today. He took a football and a bottle of water.
I've just removed the ball and noticed the water has leaked.

AIBU to just tell him what's happened and that he needs to deal with it.

Yes, he does have other bags that he can take.

Overall he takes responsibility for his school stuff and his homework i.e. he's on top of things and rarely in trouble.

It just feels natural to do a kind thing, but I'm not doing him any favours if I keep resolving this for him, am I?

Surely the answer is a second bag for the park, football etc?

I did say "Yes, he does have other bags that he can take."

He chooses not to use another bag. He's not 7 where he needs bag guidance, he just need to go to the cupboard and get a different one.

Good lord. I haven’t been near my kid’s school bag since he went to secondary school. Assuming your son is able bodied is there any reason he is unable to sort out his own bag?

Call him tell him his bottle has leaked and he needs to sort it out quickly your busy

Get him a water bottle that doesnt leak.

My DS’s bottle is always leaking because he forgets to push the sports cap down, nothing to do with the bottle. Only primary age so I can’t complain too much - he just sometimes forgets.

Of course he should sort out the bag. My 11 year old would, but sometimes young teens and pre teens need telling to/ having the obvious pointed out.

Is he expecting you to? As in is he aware the bag's soaked and deliberately leaving it? Have you told him to sort it out? Has he been difficult about it?

It's a big leap from you automatically doing it for him realising he has to do it this time without you telling him that you aren't going to sort it any more, and the intermediate step is obviously you just telling him to do it and ensuring that he does it properly.

He's 13. Old enough to deal with the consequences of his own actions.

Why did you take his ball out of his bag?

This.
I should have prefaced my post with "I am not dim".

My AIBU was whether I should sort the wet books out, NOT how to resolve the problem of the water bottle in the bag.

If you always sort these things out, he has no incentive to address them. So this time sort it out together - with him doing it under your supervision/guidance. Next time it happens, only remind him to do it. The third time it happens, stay out of the issue entirely and let him take the initiative.

Because I was moving the bag from the kitchen to the foot of the stairs. I noticed the ball was in it, so chucked it in the garden.

Eugh...I'm gonna get loads of people tell me I am helicoptering him, WHY am I anywhere near his bag, HIS football, how your 6 year olds have been entirely independent for YEARS.

I've told him.
We shall see.

Have you checked why the bottle keeps leaking? It may not be entirely his fault.

Presuming he’s home, just tell him to come and sort it out. It’s not unkind to make him deal with it. If he really doesn’t know what to do, you can tell him but he’s the one to do it. If he’s not home, I’d just sort it to save the books.

Just leave him to it he needs to learn how to look after his own stuff. You won't always be there to do it.

Naa I've a 13 year old with sen it doesn't occur to him to resolve issues without prompting for example today he told me he has exams tomorrow (big leap for him as usually despite flyers letters home reminders in every lesson WORKBOOKS sent home with CORE EXAM written on it this would still be a suprise on monday) so he told me this and I said...do you think you should revise? He said he will he still hasn't but I've heard him mentioning it again so fingers crossed revision plans might happen (for the first time ever)

Prompting is my way of life

Tell him to sort it

Get him a water bottle that dosent leak. Get him a rucksack school bag with water bottle pockets on the outside of the bag so the bottle never has to go inside with his school books. I would never get a school bag without these pockets.

See above - it doesn't leak if used properly.
The bag does have those pockets. I can't make him use them.

I have a 13 year old.
He would be summoned downstairs to sort it out himself. I'd try and be busy in the same room., so questions could be asked, but otherwise it's for him to sort.
I probably would have chucked the football outside tho.

I have a son a year older who does. Maybe speak to him again.

Far from telling you that you are helicoptering him I just don’t understand why parents are constantly so combative with their kids who they presumably care about.
I would say to my kids oh no look what’s happened shall I give you a hand to sort it out? We would do it together or they would just say no thanks mum don’t worry I’ll do it.

no drama. No constant ‘they must learn a lesson’.

my work lunch bag leaked everywhere last week in my car and my husband noticed before I did so took it in and cleaned it up. Will I never learn my lesson or was I just thankful for his kindness and really glad someone was looking out for small ways to show they care about me?

my mum was lovely (she died some years ago) and did lots of small gentle unspoken acts of kindness for me and my sisters. None of us are incapable ungrateful useless adults.