AIBU to feel this way?

[amberstonelove]

I’m no snowflake but please be gentle 🙏🏼

Hello ladies (and gents),

Im going to try and keep this short and sweet.

In a nutshell i’d like to know if I should get over this and if so, how the hell do I?

Ive been with my husband 4 years (married 8 weeks) known each other 11 years as friends. We have 2 children (1 not his).

When we first got together, we were together “official” for 3/4 months then he finished things saying he didn’t know what he wanted and if he wanted anything serious bla bla. I was heartbroken.

I found out that during the time we were “officially” together in those first few months, he had gone to his sisters wedding and chatted up her friend and attempted a kiss. That’s as far as it went. After our break up we got back together after a month or so. Things changed, we had a son and just last year he proposed and we recently got married.

I promised myself i’d get over it. After all, shortly afterwards he ended things.

Here is my problem. I clearly haven’t got over it. When I have a glass of wine all the horrid feelings come to the surface and I offload to him. We don’t argue or shout. I just keep repeating to him why was she better than me?

I just keep asking myself the same thing (glass of wine or not).

The incident happened over 4 years ago.

The feelings have surfaced again because my sister in law has asked me out for her birthday this coming weekend. The girl will be there. I want to go as his sister and I are good friends. I know it’s not the girls fault this happened but I know i’ll constantly be looking at her wondering why she was so much better that he attempted to kiss her those years ago.

We are an amazing team and great family unit and we’ve achieved great things together. He’s a great family man and I do trust him 100%. I just have this issue I can’t seem to get over.

Yes i’m very insecure. I’ve lost 7 stone the last year and I swear i’m even more insecure than ever!

Please be kind! i’ve not one else to talk to or tell me whether or not i’m being silly or if I have ever right to feel this way.

Thanks if you reached the end. xx

Pretty much. Yes. I also have OCD which means I endlessly ruminate. It’s tiring.

You want people to tell you whether you are being ridiculous or not.

Well - you are being ridiculous, as indeed I am sure you know.

Years ago he had a wobble and was not sure what he wanted for his future - he tried it on with another woman - a refused kiss.

He has now made his choice - and it is you. Be glad. You seem to love and want him, so what's the problem.

It is not the least bit unusual for people to have a wobble before they commit. He has committed.

If you love him, then lay off it!! Remind yourself every day of the reasons why you are lucky, and why you are with him.

Your poor husband. This is actually abusive. No matters your reasons for doing it, it is abusive. He didn’t cheat. You know this. And if the genders were reversed you’d have your arse handed to uou

take some responsibility and get some help.

The intention was there though 😭

So he ended it with you, because he didn't know what he wanted, that was the honest thing to do. Then he realised that it was you that he wanted,had a child with you,is raising your other child as his,has married you ,and you doubt him when you're drinking. Obviously you need to stop drinking. He loves you not this other girl. Stop pushing him away.

And you knew that when you planned and had a child with him.

Then when you planned and went through with marrying him.

Its no excuse for abusing him when you have had a drink.

If his intentions at that one place and time was such a big deal, you could have just ended it.

I know. I mean I didn’t actually find out about it until after my son was born but yes I still did marry him knowing that.