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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband

19 replies

Ano18 · 20/11/2022 10:17

I just posted another thread about a trivial (in comparison)matter and realised I really need to talk to someone about my husband. If I can please post about him here and get some support:

I’ll just focus on yesterday’s incident: I took my eldest to library whilst he had baby at home. Baby was sleeping so he didn’t need to do anything. I came back and he was in a mood. He started ranting at me that he’s stressed and he was asking me for some letter and I was finding it. He found it then disappeared for the whole day. Came back at 10pm by which time we were in bed (I’m sleeping in kids room), he was screaming n shouting as he lost his phone and was crying, my eldest was awake and laughing as she’s quite innocent so she think “daddy is being silly”. He came into the room and took blanket off me and screamed he’s lost his phone.

I got up and helped him find it. He smashed up the house and throw things everywhere. He finally found it in the car.

he kept coming into the room telling me to get out and how much he hates me. He continued crying all night. Eldest had gone to sleep so didn’t witness the rest.

this morning I’ve tried to talk to him but he’s ignoring me.

mum not happy and waiting to get my “ducks in a row” or do they say before I can leave.

he’s not a good person, I’ve found so many awful emails he’s wrote and adverts he put out saying he wants to be a “financial slave” to these women. It made me so sick. I posted a few years when I found out and got some insight into what he was doing as I never heard of this before.

I’m a mess right now, I have my babies party in a couple of weeks and he’s told me there’s no chance I’m having it in his house (it’s his house, he had it before we married and it’s all in his name).

OP posts:
Ano18 · 20/11/2022 10:19

I’m not happy not mum not happy

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 20/11/2022 10:22

Abusive husband

Get"ducks in a row"

Leave

You and your children deserve more

GirlInterrupted · 20/11/2022 10:23

You should leave straight away, he sounds unhinged. Is there anywhere you can go?

It will only get worse and he obviously doesn't give a shit about the children as he is bashing up the house and coming into the room they are in.

Run, don't walk. Don't think about it, just get you and your children out as a matter of urgency!

Shoxfordian · 20/11/2022 10:24

Yep, line up those ducks
ltb asap

Onnabugeisha · 20/11/2022 10:25

I agree. Please call Womens Aid for help. And leave with the children. You are in a very dangerous situation.

IntrovertedPenguin · 20/11/2022 10:28

Kick him out today. Or if not your home, then leave to your mothers with your kids.

That is not okay behaviour at all let alone in front your children, if ss was to get wind of this they would be out to visit. So just leave.

Fuuuuuckit · 20/11/2022 10:29

Your house is a marital asset.

ConnieTucker · 20/11/2022 10:34

How long have you been married? ‘His’ house might not be as straight forward as he thinks.

make an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow. This cannot be ignored any longer. He has become very aggressive. He was angry he had to look after his baby yesterday and punished you by staying out all day and was very angry on return, ensuring everyone suffered. You cannot passively ignore this while vaguely getting ‘ducks’ arranged.

what is you plan and what have you done so far?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 20/11/2022 10:37

Your husband told you he hates you because he lost his phone. What happens if he has a serious problem? Will it escalate? If he can smash the house up, he'll end up hitting you and blaming you for his rages.

Your kids will learn this behaviour too. Either learn that it's fine to behave this way or learn that their dad is a nasty person and want to protect you.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 20/11/2022 13:22

Get a lawyer and sort the mess out. You cannot stay with this vile man. IF you are married with kids the house is a marital asset and youll have a slice of that pie. Dont let this slide, you need to get this right for your kids. GEt a lock from Amazon, you dont need a handyman to install, you can secure your door with it. I will see if I can attach a link for you.

Bananalanacake · 20/11/2022 13:33

Is he at all sorry for smashing up the house, he needs to pay for repairs. You need to leave.

Thelnebriati · 20/11/2022 13:34

Use the report button, and ask Mumsnet to move your thread to the Relationships board; its better for this kind of thread than AIBU.

I suspect there's something on that phone he doesn't want you to see. He may even have got himself into serious difficulties online which has caused this meltdown.
I'm concerned for your immediate safety. I think you should phone the local police station and ask to talk to the domestic abuse team. Tell them everything that happened and ask for support.

Ano18 · 20/11/2022 18:13

Been married for 12 years now. He wasn’t always like this. Gradually becoming more and more unstable.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/11/2022 18:15

You should have called the police. He sounds very dangerous. I'd be leaving right now.

BloodyShoes · 20/11/2022 18:19

How's the finances OP? He's stressing about something. He's panicky when he can't find his phone. Is he gambling or paying these women?

Either way yes you need to get out but his behaviour is very strange and they'll be a reason for it.

HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed · 20/11/2022 18:21

He sounds actually quite mad. Is there any chance he could be taking something you don't know about? Sounds a bit like how I've seen people go on coke. Leave. Don't worry about the party or any of the rest of it, just get out. Have you got a friend or relative you can take the kids to? I'm so sorry you're going through this- good luck.

Ano18 · 20/11/2022 18:31

Financially things are good (for him) he doesn’t share his money with me but he’s got a good job. I work part time but earn no where close up the amount where I could rent anyplace, he does have a stressful job, almost everyone he works with is either divorced or on their 2nd/3rd wife.

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 22/11/2022 18:17

How are you doing op?

Has he apologised and tried to worm his way back in?

Have you managed to get your ducks in a row and kick him out or leave with your children?

Ponoka7 · 22/11/2022 18:25

You should have phoned the police when he became violent (pulling the blanket off you, screaming is violence, smashing up the house is violence). They would have removed him. Start phoning the police to build up evidence. WA video cal someone if you feel in danger. Sto leaving your children in danger by not phoning the police.

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