To tell friend truth about husband?

[Ano18]

I met this lady through our kids being in same baby class Problem is I don’t want anything beyond coffee / play dates but she’s really keen on going on a night out just us without the kids. I’m in a really horrible place right now as relationship with DH is deteriorating. I’ve kind of changed subject when she asks but she’s really keen and even put a date in the diary. How can I tell her I can’t leave kids with DH? I don’t want to air my dirty laundry in public as we’re not really that close. He’s irresponsible and I know he will let me down out I ask him to look after them. I could have asked my parents but they’re away for the next 2/3 months.

I feel really anxious. I’m not good with feeling I’m letting people down but the last thing I want to do is to go out, we don’t have anything to talk about apart from the kids quite honestly and I’m not feeling too good about myself. I’ve put on 3 stones in a very short time frame and I feel awful about myself. I just need time to myself with my kids and think about what my next steps are. I feel drained and being an introvert going out doesn’t excite me it drains me even more.

Just be honest without saying about your husband "that sounds lovely but unfortunately I'm not really the type who enjoys going out out sorry friend. I'm always up for a cuppa and a chat though."

Problem is I already agreed with the date she suggested. I felt a bit put on the spot.

Tell her now that the date doesn’t work so you’re not worrying. “I’m not going to be able to make X date as I can’t get childcare sorted. And to be honest, daytime meetups are all I can do right now due to my DH’s work commitments/finances etc, fancy a cuppa at mine next week?”

I’d just say that you’re really sorry, you forgot your husband had something that day and can’t go after all.

I think some people don’t realize how hard it is for some to go out at night, so you can talk to her about it properly at a later date.

Id be honest with her tbh.

Will your Dh refuse to look after his own dc?!

Thank you all. I know it sounds simple enough but I’m not good with things like this. It’s really stressing me out. The thing is I’m not very sociable and this just feels like such an ordeal. Even coffee is difficult for me but I middle through as we have our babies with us but one to one is going to be very uncomfortable.

I would just tell her you don't trust him to let you down at the last minute.

I’d be as near to honest as you can.

”Hi friend, I’m sorry I felt a bit put on the spot when you asked me about x date, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to come out. For various reasons, I’m not able to leave the kids in the evening at the moment, or in the near future. I’d be really happy to meet in the daytime for tea/ coffee and a chat with the kids when you’re free”

Tell her a slightly sanitised version of the truth. She might just turn out to be a supportive friend!!

Just be strong,tell her sorry I can’t make that evening out ,you will feel relief when it is over and you have told her.You say you have nothing in common let it go concentrate on your own problems.She will find someone else I am sure.Good luc k

@Ano18 if you do not particularly want to spend an evening with this woman, then could you tell her that your evening childcare arrangements have fallen through and also will not be available for the foreseeable future?

If she recommends somebody but you are not interested you can tell her (truthfully) that you are sorry but you do not feel comfortable leaving your children with somebody you do not know well. And if you are interested then she will have presented you with a possible solution. So a win for you either way.

Thank you all. I’ve just posted a thread about my husband and why I feel the way I do. I’m just really low and feel I can’t handle anyone. Yes she might be lovely but I’ve got so much on my mind right now.