Xmas money, how much is enough?

[Jennybeans401]

Things are tight this year, cost of living and I'm now widowed and we have my income coming in but no other help.

I've not even started buying my own dcs Xmas gifts and I know I should get started. In the past I've given my sisters kids £25 each for Xmas. We had the money then though and I don't now. Sisters kids rarely bother with my dcs and one of them walked past my dd in town and didn't acknowledge her.

AIBU to just give a smaller gift this year? I know they'd sniff at less but things are very hard at the moment.

How old are sister's kids?
Why not just say no presents for nieces and nephews?
Or if they are adult and yours not, say no presents for adult kids.

Give a smaller gift. They should understand your circumstances have changed.

I have 2 nieces and 2 nephews, they're all aged between 10 and 16.

They always ask for money. They get very expgifts for Xmas like ipads and air pods so mine will seem very poor in comparison.

*expensive

Speak to your sister, what’s always been the arrangement. My family are all different, we exchanged gifts with my sister but my sister in law and us decided not to bother, my other siblings it’s token family gifts, boxes of chocolates or something. I also have more kids than any of them

Give them a tenner in a card. When I was young, aunts and uncles would give a small token gift like an annual or a selection box. I wish this thing of giving big gifts to everyone in your life had never come about.

Personally I’d just do a selection box. What does your sister get your kids?

My sister and I ‘buy from’ gifts for our own kids
I get mine a board game from her
She buys them individual items from me

Works

Other than that why not speak to your sister? She’ll have an idea you are struggling.

It shouldn't be about "what is enough" so your post makes me so sad. Work out what you can afford if anything and speak to your sister. Any kids who turn their noses up deserves to get a lump of coal

I would talk to your sister so she (and through her the family) understand why things are changing. But seriously, get them (between them) a selection box and a small game suitable for all the ages (The Mind; Suspend; Love Letter; Fluxx; Monopoly Deal....). Much more fun than cash in a card.

I would say no presents outside your own direct family. We used to exchange gifts with BIL and SIL and their children but long ago SIL said it was ridiculous, and we stopped. This year we will give presents to our adult children and their partners ( probably home stuff) and they will doubtless give to us, although I would prefer they didn’t as they need their money for themselves.
DH and I are not exchanging gifts as our Bruce Springsteen concert tickets are our gifts for Christmas, birthday.. next Christmas ..😂

I would speak to your sister and let her know that you’re not doing presents for her kids anymore, and you don’t want any in return.
More people should have this conversation IMO.

Give each kid a book?

They are still kids. Fine to reduce their gifts because of your circumstances, but keep their behaviour and the other presents they get out of the argument. It's not that complicated, they're just kids and you are their aunt. Maybe give your sister a heads up to set expectations.

Just speak to your sister say your struggling this years so could we skip presents. Just concentrate on your own kids. At their ages they should totally understand. I give my nephews £25 & my sister does the same but i often think maybe we shoukd scrap it then we would have a better budget for our kids main presents!

Aged 10 and up my kids would 100% have understood other people’s different circumstances and never have had expectations.

Speak to your sister. Say gift buying is out of reach this year.

Don’t try and meet the expectations of people whose values are not sound.

Really sorry for your loss OP.

We used to do this too - buy for our own DC but write a gift card from Aunty/uncle.

Some of my friends thought it a bit weird, but it took out postage as we lived too far apart to swap gifts. It also meant that there were no worries about who spent what. Might that work for you?

I don't think you need to explain, just buy a selection box and put in a small amount of money (within budget).

It sounds like they get a lot of expensive gifts anyway so the £25 that is stretch for you is probably not that much anyway to them.

If you feel the need to buy them something, then get them a book as another poster suggested. They are quite cheap in the works. There is a cost of living situation going on. Present should not be the top priority imo.

Your sisters children may well get iPads etc for Christmas but that's for their parents to decide on. A gift from extended family members is just a token to say you were thinking of them.

A selection box or book each or a family present for all to share such as a board game or a game for a new device they might get like a switch if you can stretch to that is perfectly reasonable. If they turn their nose up at them that's their problem not yours.

As a previous poster said, £10 in a card IF you can afford it, book, cheap cosmetics etc if you can't - and that's for your sister's benefit, not her brats..