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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to go home?

5 replies

ComeHellOrHighWater · 20/11/2022 07:34

My mum had an orthopaedic op on Monday. It went well and she was discharged on Wednesday. Our pre-made plan was for me (only child) to do morning and afternoon visits, around school drop offs and work, to help her get going and get settled but there was full expectation she could self care in between.

On Thursday, I felt unwell and went home from work around lunchtime. I popped in to see mum on the way home and she was doing okay, so we agreed I would leave her to it and pop in on my way to work on Friday morning

My work texted me and asked me to do a covid test, which I did on Thursday evening and it was positive. I let mum know and she wasn't too worried. I was feeling pretty rough by this point. I had a temperature and didn't really sleep on Thursday night.

On Friday morning mum rang to say she was feeling really sick and unwell and could I come over ASAP. There is no one else so I said I would double mask and keep my distance as much as possible.

I've been here ever since (double masking as much as possible). Her GP came out on Thursday afternoon, paramedics yesterday morning and the on call GP yesterday afternoon.

I had to clean liquid poo off the floor countless times on Thursday afternoon and evening and I've done about 10 loads of washing and cleaned and cared for mum as best I can while really not feeling great. The diarrhoea stopped on Thursday night but now I'm worried she's constipated again. I thought this was all due to the painkillers she had in hospital but surely they'd be out of her system by now?

I've been sleeping on the floor on sofa cushions as she lives in a small one bed flat.

The on call gp prescribed some antiemetics and she seemed less breathless this morning, although that's a bit worse again now. She's not eating at all and not drinking a huge amount but she is drinking now which is good. Unfortunately, her tummy is now really swollen and sore and she seems constipated again. She's also complaining of a sore back.

I've called 111 again this morning and we're waiting for the on call gp to call back.

I'm obviously not going anywhere until she's feeling better and I'm happy she is able to self care but is it wrong that I am absolutely desperate to get home? My dc are missing me so much and I'm feeling so unwell and tired. I wish I could just go home, have a bath, cuddle my children and fall into my own bed.

I'm worried I could be here for days and days and not have a chance to rest at all. But then I feel really guilty for being so desperate to leave. Bloody guilt.

OP posts:
mirrormirroronthewalls · 20/11/2022 07:49

Ah OP, no, it's not wrong at all!! You sound like a really kind and caring daughter and you're doing something that many others wouldn't.

I've been in a similar situation with my dad. Long story but I stayed with him for a week after he got a terrible infection and was doubly incontinent. Liquid poo was pouring from him and while thankfully he could clean himself, I was endlessly changing the bed and wiping it off the floor as he tried (and failed) to get himself to the loo on time. I even found it in the shower. I love my dad (he's been and still is) a truly amazing father but now age and ill-health is catching up with him, it's not always easy. During that week I felt inexplicable anger, guilt, a desperate need to get home and many other emotions too. It's totally normal and even more so when you're not well yourself.

Obviously this can't go on long term so give it another day or so. Is she able to self fund some at-home care for a while? If not, you might need a short term package from social services but that might not be easy to get quickly!

You're doing a good job. 😊

KangarooKenny · 20/11/2022 07:52

She needs to see the GP again if she’s got a sore tummy and back, anything could be going on like an infection.

HettySunshine · 20/11/2022 09:23

I called 999 this morning and they have just taken her back to hospital in an ambulance. They think she has picked up an infection. Her wound is fine and she is covid neg so hopefully some IV fluids and the right antibiotics will sort her out.

I can't go in until I'm negative so I'm going to tidy up and clean her flat and then head home. Thank goodness for our our wonderful NHS who have been absolutely amazing at every stage.

I'll let best friend know and she'll be able to visit in the meantime if she's admitted.

KangarooKenny · 20/11/2022 09:25

Have you had a name change ?

ComeHellOrHighWater · 20/11/2022 09:28

Ah bums. Oh well, not the biggest deal.

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