When did people show you their true colours?

[Jennybeans401]

I'm going through some tough times, bereavement, dcs with lots of problems and I feel shocked at how lifelong friends have treated us. It made me think that this old saying is true, people really do show you their true colours at times like this.

Has anyone else found this?

For me it was at my lowest point as well as at my highest point. Think promotion, marrying a good person, business taking off etc is when I saw peoples true colours.

Absolutely. When my parents died everyone was “so sorry” and “here if you need me” and I didn’t lean on anyone or burden people but after about two months I realised every last person in my life had just fucked off, friends, family, all of them.

I’m sorry you’re going through shit. 💐

This absolutely happens during very good times too. Big promotion or get a nicer house? You’ll somehow lose some friends.

I never seem to have to wait very long...those colours sure shine through fast when they want something from you that your not prepared to give,whatever that may be. I have had quite a few pass through my life and luckily now I read them and know mostly what they are going to do/say well before they have even thought about it.

When my wealthy mother died very suddenly, intestate.

A new manager was brought in to restructure my department. After a year she announced different working conditions, longer hours, compulsory weekend working, my role was downgraded and it was a fire and rehire scenario. It turned out that someone I considered a friend and who I had been there for 24/7 during marriage difficulties and many other issues, had been coming into the office at 7.30 am for months to have secret meetings with the manager and unsurprisingly was the only member of the team to survive the cull.

She was also the laziest, rudest and least competent member of the team. I don't mistake colleagues for friends any more.

We've had a bad year.

At the beginning of the year I found out some girls from my dds class were bullying her and this then led to months of twoing and froing with school to sort it out (it never got sorted, we had to move in the end).

My dh passed away before summer, as a family we've been shaken to the core and saw that many of the people who we considered friends didn't speak much after the funeral.

I had an old friend who I had babysat for, cat sat for, been there for her. She turned nasty when I found out she'd lied to me and i had calmly pointed this out and drew boundaries. I was totally shocked at how callous she was, knowing we were vulnerable.

There are other things that recently happened too and i am reeling at the lack of morals in people.

So right now I'm pretty broken and I dont have a lot of trust in human kind. It seems like every one for themselves. I have lived and learned and I won't be used again.

When 1 bridesmaid and friend of 15 years got a new bf and basically ignored me
2nd bridesmaid when I had a baby and again ignored me
Both bm lived 30 mins drive away and neither bothered to meet my baby or even text to see how I was during pregnancy.
Another friend went silent when i told her I had pnd. Never heard from her again.
I now expect nothing and don't bother making friends. People let me down all the time.

@superplumb that is terrible, sorry to hear that these people let you down in this way.

I had bad pnd and lost two close friends after this, I leaned on them in a time of need and one of them just cut me off. The other one I'd supported through a bad divorce and her own pnd, I didn't hear from her for months at a time. She'd ask if I wanted to meet for a coffee then cancel on me last minute.

Yes you do find out people's true colours at the worst time of your life. I'm a bit like @superplumb I don't trust people so much any more. I have my dh, dcs and pets. I don't bother trying to make new friends now.

These are really sad. I've come to the realisation that people will take as much as you're willing to give, but bugger off without looking back once the supply stops. You feel used and bruised.

That said, I think I'm a good friend to my friends, and have many good friends in return. It's the ones who are fun but inconsistent I've recognised I need to keep at arms length. Or the ones who are always falling out with others - it's just a matter of time before it's your turn.

Definitely at my lowest. When we needed support, DH family didn't step up as expected. Death of
my parent, business collapse, depression/breakdown, wedding cancellation, financial worries all within 18 months of each other. ILs were reluctant to help us but as usual, decided to focus attention on BIL. They were fine, we weren't and for once desperately needed support from them. They verbally attacked us when we voiced our disappointment in them. I'm now NC