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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DDs drunk friend stay

29 replies

hewagel645 · 20/11/2022 00:03

DD(18) is bestfriends with a boy that is autistic, they get on well and he seems to listen to DD and his mum has said in the past DD seems to just get him.

This evening he went to a party with another friend, DD didn't go as only people who attended his secondary school were invited and DD didn't. The friend has just messaged DD saying he was fighting with someone, she doesn't know why as she wasn't with him at the time and he was refusing to leave. DD messaged him and he agreed to but is asking if he can sleep here and not at the other friends as he's slept here a few times so he's used to it where as he's never slept at the friends house.

WIBU to say no? Apparently his parents are away so he's staying with another family member who won't be happy if he goes home drunk

OP posts:
Frequency · 20/11/2022 00:05

I would let him but we seem to be the crash pad for DD's drunken friends, probably because we live a 10 minute walk from town and all her friends live further out.

Tbf to them they never cause any bother beyond falling asleep on the bathroom floor and DD always deals with that.

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/11/2022 00:05

Yes you are being unreasonable.

You know him already. He’s vulnerable and in distress. Wouldn’t you want someone to look after your daughter in that situation?

Please treat him as you’d want DD to be treated and do the right thing.

SequinsandStilettos · 20/11/2022 00:08

I would let him stay. Absolutely. I know you do not have to, of course you don't, but you would be doing a good thing as he clearly needs to be somewhere familiar and safe. You'll get your reward in heaven Wink

DuplicateUserName · 20/11/2022 00:09

You forgot to say why you want to say no?

janeseymour78 · 20/11/2022 00:10

Have a heart OP

DuplicateUserName · 20/11/2022 00:11

But also what's the time frame here?

I mean if he's just messaged your DD and she's asked you if he can stay, what did you say to her, "Hang on while I ask Mumsnet"? Confused

1dontunderstand · 20/11/2022 00:14

I would let him stay.
I would want someone to do the same for my child and keep them safe

Tigertigertigertiger · 20/11/2022 00:16

He’s a vulnerable young person and a friend of your daughter .
please let him stay

HeddaGarbled · 20/11/2022 00:21

Yeah, sorry, I agree with PPs. He has autism, he’s fallen out with his friend, his parents are away, he’s 18, he’s been drinking. Just make sure the family member he was meant to be staying with knows that he’s safe.

SavingKitten · 20/11/2022 00:23

You’ve let him stay over before, he’s vulnerable and a little stuck… YWBU to say no.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 20/11/2022 00:24

Have you got a specific reason for not wanting him to stay?

I’d be inclined to let him stay just to make sure he’s safe. Or at least find a way to make sure he gets somewhere safe tonight.

279Nouveauxnoms · 20/11/2022 00:26

SavingKitten · 20/11/2022 00:23

You’ve let him stay over before, he’s vulnerable and a little stuck… YWBU to say no.

I agrée. Unless there is a reason for saying no that you haven’t mentioned?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/11/2022 00:27

Do you have a male partner? If so I think it would be the right thing to let him stay., make sure he’s ok etc

I would want a drunk man in the house if it’s just you and Dd, or with children as well, though.

urbanbuddha · 20/11/2022 00:34

Let him stay. He’s vulnerable and you know him. You’d never forgive yourself if something happened to him. You can tick him off in the morning.

Original poster
hewagel645 · 20/11/2022 00:34

Yes, he's stayed over when drunk before but he's never been violent but I don't feel comfortable with him staying tonight as he's been in a fight. I don't have a partner it's just me, DD, older DS and younger DS.

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 20/11/2022 00:35

Say no then

DangerNoodles · 20/11/2022 00:35

I wouldn't be happy either OP. I wouldn't want a drunk man who had been in a fight earlier in the evening staying over. You only have his side of events to go by.

DangerNoodles · 20/11/2022 00:36

Especially not if you have younger children in the house!

Maves · 20/11/2022 00:47

No if he's so vulnerable his parents wouldn't have fucked off and he he shouldn't be out drinking etc. you have a younger child I wouldn't want that. Just tell your daughter to make sure he's home safe.

StClare101 · 20/11/2022 01:20

I would say no. He has a place to stay. Last thing you need is a drunk man-child at your house.

FinallyFluid · 20/11/2022 01:23

Hope your DD never needs sanctuary.

How utterly unreasonable of you, and that is zero on the scale of what I am thinking.

Greenshake · 20/11/2022 01:27

StClare101 · 20/11/2022 01:20

I would say no. He has a place to stay. Last thing you need is a drunk man-child at your house.

Seriously? He is an established friend of her daughters who is young, vulnerable and likely distraught. It’s freezing out there. Some very heartless people posting tonight, let’s hope they never need to rely on someone’s goodwill for help.

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 20/11/2022 01:32

'Been in a fight' and 'he's been fighting with someone' are completely different things and with an ASD young person, its very easy for stuff to get lost in translation.

Your daughter knows and trusts him. So trust her and let him stay.

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 20/11/2022 01:33

DangerNoodles · 20/11/2022 00:36

Especially not if you have younger children in the house!

So he's going to go and pull the bairns out of their beds and beat then up, is he? C'mon

AlwaysLatte · 20/11/2022 01:40

I'd say get him into your house where he's safe asap.

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