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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To take this further with the school...

47 replies

Emilybyrd · 19/11/2022 19:02

My eldest daughter is in year 8 of secondary school. In January this year (when she was still in year 7), she had Covid at the time when you weren't allowed to return to school if still testing positive even if there were not symptoms. This meant she had 6 days off school when she was absolutely fine, but testing positive.

In February she then had an odd sickness bug where she was very sick overnight, then once again in the morning had 2 days off school (following the rule of not returning within 48 hours after sickness/diarrhoea). Then exactly a week later she was very sick again, repeatedly for a whole day and had terrible diarrhoea for 3 days. After this she was really weak (barely ate for 3 days) so had another day off (which was a Friday) to recover some strength - also hadn't even been 24 hours clear of the tummy upset. During the second sickness bug I texted a GP friend to check we were doing all the right things- plus asking if we should give her some rehydration drinks. This friend has always made it very clear that she doesn't mind being asked medical questions by friends, and I wouldn't have used up a doctor's appointment for this as I know how under pressure GPs are.

I emailed the school absence email every day during the illness to keep them updated as per the policy. On the final day of absence (4th day), had a very shirty email from an 'attendance officer' to say that it would be an unauthorised absence because we hadn't provided a doctor's note. I immediately wrote back to say that of course we couldn't provide a doctor's note for a sickness bug, and I wouldn't want to put more pressure on the NHS to get a doctor's note for such a thing. I asked how I could appeal the unauthorised absence as I didn't want it on her record, but she ignored the email. My friend (the GP) offered to write a note for me to say that I had spoken to her, but out of principle I didn't want her to have to waste her own time on this. Asked for an update on how to appeal, never heard anything back.

Fast forward to October this year (now in year 8). We took a term-time holiday tagged onto the October half term. I have never before taken our kids out for a term-time holiday, and therefore we have only had 1 holiday abroad in the past 10 years because my husband and I haven't been able to afford it. The reason for the timing of this holiday is that one of my best friends recently moved to Malaysia, and we went out to visit her for the October half term (and taking the girls out of school for 5 days before this.) I know term time holidays aren't allowed, I knew they wouldn't be able to give permission and that we may get a fine. I think that the opportunity to visit Malaysia was once-in-a-lifetime for my daughters and they experienced so much while we were away I don't in any way feel that they missed out on anything that they couldn't catch up on. I emailed the school well in advance to let them know the dates we would be away. I also didn't lie and say it was sickness, I was completely honest.

Obvs. I knew we would eventually hear from the school(s), although I received no acknowledgement at all of my email sent before the holiday. They have written now, but the bit that concerns me reads:

'due to the number of unauthorised absences now incurred as a result of the holiday, in order for the school to authorise any further absence from school due to illness, medical evidence will be required. This may be in the form of an appointment card, a prescription, medical certificate, or a prescriptive label from medication.'

So if my daughter has another sickness bug, or a bad cold, we HAVE to waste a doctor's time? and surely in that circumstance a doctor would be relying on us to tell them over the phone of the illness, and surely we can't expect them to produce a note for a cold (and as before, I feel very strongly that a GP should not have to waste time on this.)

Basically the school are saying that now they cannot trust our word or ability to self-certify if our child is ill, when actually we have been entirely honest.

I really want to fight this part- I don't want to feel pressured to send my daughter to school if she is poorly because I am worried about being given another unauthorised absence which might lead to further action- but no way am I going to a doctor for a 1 or 2 day absence.

Has anyone dealt with the scenario before? I'm not sure HOW to fight this- the absence lady is following the Academy policy, should I take it up with them? Should I take it up with my MP?

I know we are technically in the wrong for taking the holiday but both my girls are achieving well at school, getting good results and reports, we aren't 'problem parents', we have never taken them out for a holiday before, and won't again...

If anyone has any experience or words of advice I'd love to hear them! Thank-you!

OP posts:
Poppyseed14 · 19/11/2022 19:09

I had the same shitty letter this time last year OP. DD had 2 chest infections in the first term which meant she was off a week each time. She had antibiotics for each one. Then she got Covid. I wrote a stinker back to the head teacher and I've yet to receive a response. I'm not sure what the answer is but I get your frustration and the wording of the letter seems designed to be insulting. The GP will categorically not see a child with a tummy bug etc. I did point out in my letter that after the great lockdown home schooling debacle there is nobody who wants DD in school more than I do. Thankfully she didn't have any more sickness last year other than norovirus which we all had during half term so that didn't affect her attendance.

Santagiveyoursackawash · 19/11/2022 19:14

When my dd was sick at school they asked me to collect her. She was off the next day exhausted.. Council attendance officer called round and wasn't happy she only had 98%attendance..school head of year said if she was sick AM she was fine to go back PM.. 48 hour rule doesn't apply to her school apparently.. So she went back next day.
Dd2 caught it and went back next day to avoid the hassle.
The next week Dd2 caught it again. I spoke to Council office and said school weren't allowing enough time for dc to be germ free before going back!!
They make batshit rules ime.

Santagiveyoursackawash · 19/11/2022 19:16

Forgot to add school registration dept rang to see where dd1 was. I said it was them that sent her home ill. Ah but that was yesterday and we don't know she isn't under your patio today!
No joking...

RandomPerson42 · 19/11/2022 19:17

As you note, you have made this bed by taking holiday during term time - so you have no leg to stand on imho.

You should also not keep children off school for just a cold (it was different when covid guidelines before summer).

Notanotherwindow · 19/11/2022 19:20

Who cares? What are they going to do? Send you another letter? It's not illegal to take your kids on holiday, all they can do is fine you and as for sickness, just send her in, wait for her to vomit and they'll send her home.

mimi1962 · 19/11/2022 19:20

Just phone the doctors, explain, and get a sick note signed if she's ill again. It doesn't take an appointment.

I don't know why you didn't let your friend who is a GP do as she offered and write to the school for you.

There are really very simple solutions if she gets ill again.

PAFMO · 19/11/2022 19:23

The letters are automatic and are to help prevent vulnerable children from falling through the gaps.
You've had a child with a lot of sickness.
You've taken the child on holiday in term time.
You've been flagged up that's all. Presuming the sickness isn't an ongoing thing and you don't intend to go on holiday often in term time it's no big deal.

MightyAtlantic · 19/11/2022 19:25

Seriously, you would contact your MP about this (wtf do you think they are going to do?!) rather than just ring the GP if your daughter gets sick again. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill!

YellowTreeHouse · 19/11/2022 19:26

Sounds like you’ve caused this issue yourself.

Dogsogdog · 19/11/2022 19:26

Don’t be ridiculous

Limpshade · 19/11/2022 19:31

All the preamble about Covid and sickness bugs, to then admit you took her on a term-time holiday Hmm

The attendance officer is required to send you an automatic letter when a child dips below a certain percentage attendance. That's all it is. It is part of a school's safeguarding focus. If you don't like it, don't take your child out during term time in future.

medicatedgift · 19/11/2022 19:32

Just ring the doc and get a note.

You took her out of school for a week when she already had unauthorised absences 🤷🏼‍♀️

spanieleyes · 19/11/2022 19:33

My authority fines all unauthorised holidays, you are lucky if all you have is to prove medical absences!

NotTooOldPaul · 19/11/2022 19:33

Schools can be so stupid.
I remember my daughter who was 12 at the time being sent home one lunchtime.
She said to a teacher that she did not feel well.
The teacher told her to go and see the nurse, she got into the nurses’ room and vomited over the floor.
The nurse phoned and I collected her from school.
We got home, daughter went to her room to lie down and then the door bell rang, a man was standing demanding to know why she was off school, he said he was the school attendance officer.
I demanded to see his ID.
He eventually managed to find it.

I then explained what had happened and he said he had simply looked to see who was off that afternoon and as we were near the school came to visit.
I was not very polite to his after that

superdupernova · 19/11/2022 19:33

Just go to a pharmacy for advice when she's sick, ask if they'll write a note on headed paper to confirm you sought advice and what they suggested I.e. paracetamol, lemsip whatever. I work in a uni that has strict rules for extensions and students often get notes written on a pharmacy notepad instead of bothering GPs. I know of at least 5 pharmacies in the area that will do it though I've never had a student say one has refused.

Whoopsywoo · 19/11/2022 19:57

PAFMO · 19/11/2022 19:23

The letters are automatic and are to help prevent vulnerable children from falling through the gaps.
You've had a child with a lot of sickness.
You've taken the child on holiday in term time.
You've been flagged up that's all. Presuming the sickness isn't an ongoing thing and you don't intend to go on holiday often in term time it's no big deal.

This!

asdfgasdfg · 19/11/2022 20:00

The GP I work at will only issue an NHS sick note from day 7 of sickness so you'd have to pay £20 for a private sick note. Also today we had no appointments face to face or phone until 6th December.

mimi1962 · 19/11/2022 20:06

asdfgasdfg · 19/11/2022 20:00

The GP I work at will only issue an NHS sick note from day 7 of sickness so you'd have to pay £20 for a private sick note. Also today we had no appointments face to face or phone until 6th December.

Would you really need a face to face for a sick note? Our GPs are amazing, I can just phone explain and get one based on the circumstances after 7 days though.

Would proof also be a call to 111 - to evidence that medical advice has been sought in line with NHS guidelines, the school couldn't complain. Either way the OP could have got a note from her friend who is a GP but refused and seems to be being deliberately obstructive with the school.

NewHopeNow · 19/11/2022 20:13

A bag of sick is evidence.

Unicorn717 · 19/11/2022 20:19

Sickness can't be helped and if they are actually ill itl be easy to prove. The doctors will do a note if you asked. You haven't helped the situation by going on holiday in term time and it's been flagged up.

girlmom21 · 19/11/2022 20:23

Just phone the school if she's sick and don't send any proof. If it's unauthorised, who cares.

Ijustdontknowanything · 19/11/2022 20:25

I don't think you are being unreasonable to go on the holiday in year 8. I had a y13 student miss a week due to attending a music concert in the USA. I rolled my eyes a bit but whatever.

What actually will happen if your daughter has some unauthorised absences? Having been a teacher, a student, and a parent, I couldn't get worked up about it. I know the school wants to keep attendance high for their performance, but if your daughter is now ill, she's ill, and I disagree with PP saying you shouldn't keep a child off with a cold. You should. If the whole class goes down with it, and they take it home to vulnerable relatives (me!), it can be quite serious.

I also agree about you not wasting gp's time for something you are absolutely sure you can treat at home.

If the letter is automatic, just don't worry about it. The fact that you care so much shows that you're a good parent.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 19/11/2022 20:25

I got a similar letter and haven’t taken Dd out for a holiday. She had a half day even she had 4 nose bleeds in one morning (waiting for ent referral) and 5 days for flu - proper flu with high temp. This triggered the letter. Dd vomited Wednesday before last in the evening but ended up going to school the next morning feeling okay but not great. I’ve always followed the 48 hour rule but couldn’t face bothering a gp for a note!

Zanatdy · 19/11/2022 20:31

We had this too, but all due to illness no holiday. I think it’s an automatic thing when their attendance drops below a certain percentage. I replied saying you are the ones who send her home - she goes to medical feeling dizzy and sick (she has low ferritin and some other issues) so why do you need evidence when 90% of its because you sent her home. I’d just ignore it, it’s just standard procedure

AndAway · 19/11/2022 20:35

I'd ignore the letter. What are they going to do? If she gets another sickness bug or is unwell, keep her off if needed.

They can fine you for the holiday (even though I agree that a trip to Malaysia sounds more educational and a great experience for your DC) but they can't make you provide a sick note for a one day absence. That's absurd. An utter waste of time for everyone. I'd honestly ignore the letter, especially given they have ignored your emails. If they want to have a conversation about it, they can call you.