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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so greedy?

40 replies

mimi1962 · 19/11/2022 18:36

My partner has been becoming more distant after nearly three glorious years and I have given up. He was the kindest man and my soulmate.

He's been going to the pub more and more it's now 2/3 times a week, he's late 50s and goes to a complete and utter dump mixing with the regular seriously heavy drinkers. He stays there from the afternoon until he's steaming, staggering and occasionally nasty mouthed to me. I hate seeing him legless and won't stay around when he's like that. I have my own place.

I am always invited but I don't drink and have no interest in talking to people who are incoherent at 7 pm. If it's a party, family do or somewhere nice I'll go but not to the local dump. He says he only goes because the beer is cheap.

He's stopped working though he really can't afford it.

This has now been going on for several months and no amount of discussion will change it, he refuses to talk about it.

He barely drank for the first three years of our relationship and worked but we were in lockdown for a lot of it. We were like soulmates. We lived together but I've moved out and was seeing him 1 or 2 nights a week, when I said this wasn't good enough I was told I was "too greedy".

It's my fault apparently, he blames our generation gap, I'm not even three years older, I'm boring as I don't drink, I am greedy for not being satisfied with 1 or 2 nights a week.

Am I being unreasonable for thinking he's turned into an ass and preferring to be on my own that put up with this?

OP posts:
Santagiveyoursackawash · 19/11/2022 20:17

Make sure your 61st birthday is fabulous and a celebration of being rid of him. My exh ruined my 40th. He was an ex before I was 41...

mimi1962 · 19/11/2022 20:18

Hankunamatata · 19/11/2022 20:08

He will start looking to you for money when his runs out. Get out now. Find someone worth spending retirement with.

Honestly it never bothered me before, when it was great, but that is a worry now. I own my house, no mortgage, he rents.

He's blown a divorce settlement years ago, he's now blowing the bit of money he has staying out of work and drinking. It won't last long. I'd wager then he would be looking for a rent free house. I am sure that I won't have someone pissed so often living with me. That one is certain.

OP posts:
mimi1962 · 19/11/2022 20:21

Santagiveyoursackawash · 19/11/2022 20:17

Make sure your 61st birthday is fabulous and a celebration of being rid of him. My exh ruined my 40th. He was an ex before I was 41...

Sometimes their sheer nastiness does give you a pass to freedom, takes the crap out of your eyes and helps you to see more clearly. I should thank him really.

OP posts:
mimi1962 · 19/11/2022 20:24

girlmom21 · 19/11/2022 20:16

Did he get sacked from his job and is using alcohol as a crutch?

No he left of his own accord with a small pay off, it will literally be pissed up a wall shortly.

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 19/11/2022 20:25

He’s got a drink problem, which will only get worse now he hasn’t even got a job to focus on. Get out now. Better to be alone than be with a lazy, selfish alcoholic sucking the life out of you.

KylieCharlene · 19/11/2022 20:25

HE is one of THOSE people he's hanging with.
Perhaps their partners are saying the same about them hanging out with your man friend.
He sounds utterly undesirable. Move on up.

girlmom21 · 19/11/2022 20:26

Why would he have had a payout if he left entirely of his own accord?

mimi1962 · 19/11/2022 22:10

girlmom21 · 19/11/2022 20:26

Why would he have had a payout if he left entirely of his own accord?

Early retirement that is reduced as its taken early.

OP posts:
mimi1962 · 19/11/2022 22:12

KylieCharlene · 19/11/2022 20:25

HE is one of THOSE people he's hanging with.
Perhaps their partners are saying the same about them hanging out with your man friend.
He sounds utterly undesirable. Move on up.

That is so true

OP posts:
HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 19/11/2022 22:16

Sounds like you know it’s run it’s course

you are not greedy LOL

But why bother seeing him at all? Ever?

just tell him you have thought about the generation gap and being greedy, and you agree, and seeing eachother only once every 10000 years is probably better

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 19/11/2022 22:17

Zanatdy · 19/11/2022 18:41

Don’t waste another minute in this relationship. He won’t change

Exactly
You don't live with him
No connection really
Just get rid

workiskillingme · 19/11/2022 22:41

Why do you 'need to be sure it's gone'
You are able to walk away from someone who isn't treating you as you deserve to be. And why are you scared of being alone?

mimi1962 · 20/11/2022 12:16

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 19/11/2022 22:16

Sounds like you know it’s run it’s course

you are not greedy LOL

But why bother seeing him at all? Ever?

just tell him you have thought about the generation gap and being greedy, and you agree, and seeing eachother only once every 10000 years is probably better

It has and I've told him it's over, I just have to stay strong. I am fairly sure that he'll be back in touch, I've just going to stick to the 10,000 years this time.

I guess I'm scared as I have some serious health problems and I'll have to face them on my own this time. He's was brilliant when I was seriously ill before, but that man's gone. To be honest I'm scared of going through it again by myself but life is short and it's too short for wasting it, on a waste of space.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 20/11/2022 12:17

Get out now. There’s only one way this is going to go and you don’t want to be dragged down with him.

Walkacrossthesand · 21/11/2022 09:25

Whatever your health problems are, you won't be the first or last person to have to deal with them on your own - do you have a network of friends who can support you where needed? You certainly don't need a nasty drunkard who will be trying to leech off you soon, sure as eggs are eggs

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