To ask those without children at what point you drew the link if you struggled to have a child?

[outpatient]

I am struggling to carry a child and I'm torn as to what point to give up.

I understand it's personal choice but am interested to know when you drew the line if you have attempted to have kids but for biological reasons it didn't work out?

Did you not try anything like IVF/surrogacy or did you and if so how many rounds and what was your experience?

Why did you decide to quit this path if you did?

Please share thanks x

Anyone

We knew it was impossible to conceive naturally. The health risk of IVF weighed up against the chance of success meant it wasn't feasible. We were refused adoption and just never met anyone we got a good feeling from with surrogacy.

So our hands were kind of forced with it. It was awful. One of the worst things I've gone through, and my husband found it very difficult too. But you just sort of make your peace with it.

Having been ill and told we wouldn’t have any more naturally ever, we drew the line as I didn’t want to get invested in something with so little chance of success.

We were then surprised with a little bundle of joy many years later when I was very old. Mad. But brilliant.

Did you miss the first line of the title?
Bit insensitive to those of us the thread is actually referring to.

We had one failed IVF.
After a couple of years felt ready to go again and Covid put the kibosh on our plans. We are now in a place where we have decided to stay childless. We are on the same page regarding adoption, donors, etc.

@Mookie81 My point was more that you can draw that line as we did, give up and then find yourself pregnant. But go on take offence.

Was warned not to have children due to high risk of inherited illness on maternal line, having witnessed this in my mother and my siblings.

My sister decided to proceed anyway, knowing the risks and the risk was realised. I didn't seem to have a strong urge to have children myself, probably because I had an awful neglected childhood as a young carer which has scarred me for life...

We’d gone as far as we could with having our own biological child. We had three failed fresh IVF cycles, three frozen embryo attempts that had to be cancelled or some reason (no 1, our chart apparently fell behind a cupboard, they could only thaw one embryo in time because of the stage it was at, that embryo did not survive the thawing, no 2 a uterine polyp was found at initial scan, I had to sort out having that removed before having more treatment, no 3 the drugs failed to work, I started my period a couple of days before implant was due). The fourth time it was implanted but failed. I had never been a good responder to the drugs and was told at 39 thatI had premature ovarian failure and our journey came to an end. We didn’t want to use donor eggs or adopt. And no we never did get that much vaunted surprise natural pregnancy! But I am 61 now and happy and at peace with my child free life.

I had IVF and managed to get pregnant twice, but lost both at 20 weeks. My second loss saw me hemorrhaging so much I required emergency surgery and almost died. It's just broken me and I can't go through any more. We still have embryos frozen which we will not be using. It's heartbreaking 💔.

The decision was made for me as I got a health condition and now it's not ever going to be possible.
Because of my health my DH doesn't really care, he is just happy to still have me.
We were trying naturally when I got sick and had already decided that if that didn't work after 18months then one attempt at intervention was our lot.
I did do IVF up to a point, they went in the freezer but I was never able to get to implantation.
I found it fine, but I'm a very matter of fact person.
I know a lot of people really struggle with the mood changes and the pressure of it.
I've mostly accepted it now and I have a nice life and a happy marriage.
Also, the more I speak to friends with toddlers and primary school children the less jealous I get.
I know it's different when they are your own, but the tiredness and anxiety is not enviable from the outside looking in.

One round of ivf. Now we are trusting to fate but I’m increasingly getting more and more at peace with the fact it might never happen and there’s a lot we can do in our lives if we don’t have kids that we couldn’t do so easily with them.

Yes this is true. I was able to take up my employer’s voluntary early exit scheme and retire at 58, which I probably could not have afforded if I’d had children. And you can live anywhere you like without having to have regard to school catchment areas.

@Iwouldlikesomecake what made you draw the line after one cycle was it the process or financial reasons if you don't mind me asking?

@Vonniee7 so sorry to hear that ❤️

Two losses at 20 weeks is heartbreaking I'm sure x

I think I've decided to draw the line after three IVF cycles - possibly I may go down the surrogacy route but I don't know enough about it yet.

I'm currently undergoing all the tests to see what the issue may be as I have no problem getting pregnant but they keep getting lost is my issue - once all tests are doing I'll be doing IVF

Considered giving up after multiple losses but decided I would always wonder ‘what if’ and regret not trying everything.

We tried IVF which was unsuccessful so gave up after two rounds because of the cost and emotional toll.

That is where we drew the line.

It was redrawn for us two years later with a surprise pregnancy that I did manage to carry to term.

Before we did the first cycle I’d have said it was a financial decision but now I would say both financial and the process. 7 months on and my body is still not back to normal.

After only 3 mcs. I say "only" because i was on ttc boards with women who had mc'd so, so much more than that. For me i realised that I was chasing a fantasy, i didn't want any of the many varieties of reality, just the one, and i wanted that to also have happened when i was younger. I feel lucky to have realised this in time, but it was the toughest period of my life, confusing, physically and emotionally painful, etc.

Thank you. I can't lie it has completely broken me and I don't think I'll ever recover. I miss the person I was before all of this so much. I'll never be her again.

@Vonniee7 i want to offer 💐but it’s not good enough. You don’t deserve to have been through that.

No one does, but thank you. It's all still fairly recent so still very much grieving.